I've got lots of things to think about and work on in 2016! One being myself! I gotta find myself again! I gotta quit thinking everything is about me! Quit thinking that when other show emotions that they are toward me! I gotta learn to let others have emotions!! I got to quit making others feel like they have to love me!
All my life all I've known is to run from my problems and hide my feelings! And now that I wear my feelings on my sleeve it hurts because my hopes get crashed, my feelings get hurt, my world gets turned upside down!! All I've ever wanted was for some one to love me for me, show me love, and teach me love! Corey has taught me that love is just a word, over the years he has shown me that love is what money can buy! When I told Her that if somethings ever happened to me and Corey she would be the one that I'd want to be with, what she said in return kind of let me know that she loves me, but she's not in love with me and probably will never be in love with me! I've gotta learn to accept that! I gotta learn to accept that I'm not her knight in shining armor and never will I be the one that she will be truly happy with! I keep telling myself that I'm a dumbass for doing this! I'm a shit head for falling in love with someone that will never be happy with just me! She said she has nothing to offer! She said she sees that's Corey can take me out on the town and she wouldn't ever be able too! But when I tell her that she has more to offer than she thinks she doesn't believe me! I failed again! I fucked up again!
To end 2015 i think I'll take a bottle of crown and drink the whole thing while I'm stuck in my room and then sleep until I don't know when! Or maybe I'll just drive away and never look back! Maybe I'll just take my gun and blow my brains out! Who knows! Fuck it!