took a trip down memory lane

Not even realizing today was my aunts birthday! I took a trip down memory lane! Eating my lunch today and my fork broke! I ended up just picking the stuff by hand and eating it that way! As I was eating I kept feeling like someone was laughing at me! I just closed my eyes for a minute and I saw my grandmother and aunt looking at me and laughing! I had bbq sauce all over my face! I heard in my mind aunt jeanette say that damn christy aint right! Mamaw said that's my girl I raised her right! There aint no shame in me what so ever! Its just amazes me how the littlest things remind me of them! It just takes time for all broken hearts to be healed and all wounds to heal but the scar is there to stay! My heart is scarred from so many losses that it might not ever heal! Well, blog that's my thoughts for 2nite! I'm headed to find mamaw in my dreams! Watch out uncle paul ur up next! Good nite all!

Need you now!

I've fallen in love with that song that I could just about sing it word for word! It describes how I feel sometimes! I need you as in someone that can so me the way or someone like my husband that I love! Its been one helluva week, awesome weekend with me, corey our babies and the most wonderful view known to man the lake! Awesome! I'd live on a lake somewhere if I could! Not sure I'm ready to give up city life right now! As I'm typing this out that song is playing in my head! Ill post the lyrics now! I'm sure who ever reads this can relate to it in some way!

I need you now by Lady Antabelum

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do withoutI just need you now

Woah, woah
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without I just need you now, I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now


We all have felt this way from time to time! I know I have! Well, as usual I'm blogging as I lay in bed and my thumb is hurting! Good nite blog! I need you now lord!

As I lay in my bed typing this out on my blackberry! I'm in pain from my neck to my toes! Its only getting worse with time! Maybe one day ill be well! Its been a few wks or days since I've posted a blog! I've been doing a lot of thinking! I have a few ppl in my life that if and when I have to quit my job and live at home on disability! That would call, text or even drop by atleast once a wk! These ppl I love dearly and can truly call my best friends! Its not easy making best friends when you've been hurt before! Long story not in mood to go into detail! Its been a crazy couple of wks just with life in general! Work, home, life its all crazy! But as I was told along time ago if first you don't make then pick urself up dust urself off and try again! Its been a great experience! Well blog I've come the conclusion that life is what u make it! I've pondered that saying so many times that its almost like second nature to me! I just don't seemm to quite get why I'm having to deal with ol arthur at 33 yrs old! He's gonna kill me or I'm gonna be legless! Thanks to a good cold beer and a nice draw off that cigarette I'm gonna sleep great tonight! Just a little alcohol never hurt a sole! I keep telling em if I have to go to hell for my ways I'm taking my cooler full of beer! That's all I need to survive the heat! I've already made friends with the devil! But anywho I need to get off here thumb is numb! Good nite! Peace, love and cold beer!

new begining

A much needed relief finally came my way in the best way possible! I couldn't ask for a more pleasant begining than the one I got today! I've wait almost 4 yrs for her to finally realize its to late to turn back the hands of time! I hope she can life the life that she wants without regrets! I'm picking up the pieces and rekindling the flame that still burns for my husband! I couldn't begin to tell u why I cheated on him in the first place especially with that crazy bitch! I truly believe she's been brain washed and led off the deep end with no floaties! But, if she was drowning right in front of me I think I'd have to say I'd keep on going and not stop to help! She's so far gone there's no helping her! I'm not one to be so cold hearted but you have one shot if u shoot me then its over! Thanks to my good friend cheryl that told me to keep away I finally listened! Well, now my only problem is hoping that I don't have to have knee replacement surgery! I feel so bad it hurts so bad that I just want to cut it off! Good nite blog! I'm off to lala land!

no title

Its been quite a journey over these past few months! I've learned many lessons! I've stared the devil in his eyes, I've fell to the deepest place I've ever been! I've been literally in hell! It was a trip I care not to take anymore! I've lost a friend/stepmom, father/asshole and almost my husband! I guess you could really say that I've lost one whole side of my family with the exception of a few from that side! Its ok though because they'll need me before I need them! I guess that time will tell if I forgive and forget what that man did to me and the pain I've caused him and his dear wife! Its been along time coming I just couldn't find the time to do it but when I did I knew what I was losing! I didn't really lose a father because he's never really been a father anyway! To everywife he's ever had he was a father to her kids but to his own he was another deadbeat dad! Its just that's my feelings! Any man that sexually molested their own daugther whether it be 20yrs ago or 2 days ago its still not right! But its ok because when it all came out I felt a sense of relief that I've never felt before! I felt like my body had been healed and really in truly somethings had been healed! But, I'm keeping my head up because my friend cheryl told me one day christy you've lived thru the tough times and you survived don't do anything stupid! So I didn't, I'm a much stronger person because of it! I've learned many things! The ones you call friends may not really be friends! On to the next thing I've started a new chapter in my book of life! Its called "keep it moving!" that's my new motto if your in my life to try to bring me down then keep it moving! If your in my life to ruin my marriage then keep it moving! If your not in my life to share my joy then keep it moving! I'm not going back to where I used to be! I'm not going to stare the devil in the eyes again! Once was enough! Just like I just said I told the devil to keep it moving! I aint got time for your ass in my life! Now that I'm a changed person I've got to learn to kick a few people out my life that might cause me some issues! I've got one pretty much on the same page as me and the other one I just need to tell her to kick rocks and keep it moving! I'm not one to break off a realationship, friendship or anything but I've got to step up and do it! Well, blog my fingers hurt cause as usual I'm in bed typing this out on my phone! Good nite all and peace out!

Cold beer and sunshine

Its been so nice today that I hate I was stuck inside all day at work but I'm off now! Its time for a cold beer and the smell of fresh cut grass makes me think of summer! I'm ready for it to be sunshiny all day everyday and to be warm! Its crazy but it makes me a better person to be nice and toast warm! Makes my beer go down easier 2! But since I can only enjoy the last few hours of sunshine I'm gonna rescue another beer from my fridge and save it from drowning! Have a good day folks!

Do I!

I heard this song when I called someone the other day! They had it set as a ringback tone! It got me to thinking about my marriage a bit! So I asked my husband to listen to the song and tell me what he thought! I've yet to get a response out of him but that's a man right! So here are the lyrics! Tell me if it reminds you of something in your life!
Baby, what are we becoming It feels just like we’re always running
Rolling through the motions everydayI can lean in to hold you, or act like I don’t even know you
Seems like you could care less either way
What happened to that girl I used to know
I just want us back to the way we were before
Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you baby
Does the sight of me wanting you drive you crazy
Do I have your love, am I still enough Tell me don’t I, or tell me do I baby Give you everything that you ever wanted Would you rather just turn away and leave me lonely Do I just need to give up and get on with my lifeBaby, do I Remember when we didn’t have nothing But a perfect simple kind of loving
Baby those sure were the days There was a time our love ran wild and free
But now I’m second guessing everything thing I see
Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you baby
Does the sight of me wanting you drive you crazy

Do I have your love, am I still enough Tell me don’t I, or tell me do I baby

Give you everything that you ever wanted

Would you rather just turn away and leave me lonely

Do I just need to give up and get on with my life
Baby, do I Still give you what you need

Still take your breath away Or light up the spark way down deep, baby do I

Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you baby

Does the sight of me wanting you drive you crazy

Do I have your love, am I still enough

Tell me don’t I, or tell me do I baby

Give you everything that you ever wanted

Would you rather just turn away and leave me lonely

Do I just need to give up and get on with my life

Tell me baby do I get one more try Do I, baby do I

It reminds me of how I feel at times! Thanks for reading!