Tornado pictures day of

Been a long time

Where to begin, April 28 I thought that I had lost my house my husband and my life! A tornado ripped thru my little town and took a few homes with it and sparred all of our lives! It's amazing looking back on that day almost a month ago of what was there just the day before that's now nothing is left! It's sad, it's heartbreaking, it's all changed! Nothing is the same, but the lives are still here to rebuild! For a few weeks I hated to walk out my door of my home because I was reminded of that day every time I did! Devastation was the word to describe what it looked like! But I'm moving on just like we all are one day at a time and one moment at a time! The word that day that stands true to this town is Tupelo Spirit! That very day people I didn't even know made sure I was ok! Helped in ways you wouldn't believe! And come from places far from here to help us rebuild, remove debris and help us find a way! It was heart felt and overwhelming at the number of people that stepped up and said I'm here what you need! It's all about the tupelo spirit that runs through this town! Thank you couldn't and can't be said enough to the support, love, care and understanding that was shown! One month ago tomorrow my life and the lives of us all in tupelo changed forever! Just 3 yrs and 1 day from the time that the town of Smithville lost 16 people and their whole town! Tornados don't care where they land they just land! Count your blessings daily and ask God for forgiveness daily because tomorrow isn't promised but today was given!!

I learned a lesson also since my last blog and that's to trust no one with your thoughts, actions or life! Unless you truly know that they are truly who they say they are! I lose a good friend by words that wasn't even spoken by me but was said I said them! She and I worked together for a long time, a year ago her son shot himself and I couldn't bring myself to go to the funeral or the visitation because that friend had shunned me away with out a word of why, or a word of anything! It hurts because when she finally told me why and who said it it hurt me because I was really going to leave my husband for this woman and then she goes behind my back and tells this good friend something that I never said! I've not spoken to the person that lied and it's best I don't! Because I've got a few choice words for her and if I ever see her it's not gonna be pretty! I've yet to see the good friend because I'm not sure I'm ready to face her knowing that she believed someone else and shunned me away for something so stupid! I guess it's not my first time experiencing this but this time it hurt worse! I've moved on and shall not allow this to hold me back any longer! Peace bitch! 

I also realized that my husband no matter how much I might hate him at times I truly down deep inside love him! He's my world and I'm trying my best to make me his world! I was talking to a woman and had fallen for her but I realized really quick that the feelings wasn't mutual! She got married to the man she had been with for a little while all the while telling me she wasn't sure she's ever marry him!! Then she found a new friend and started pulling away from me but she says it's because I said I just couldn't cheat on my husband is why she pulled away! Well the truth came out and I knew all along what the problem was! I pulled away when she married him because I didn't want to come in between him and her! But really I wasn't the one she wanted I guess because now she's not with her husband and she so in love with this other woman! It's ok because it taught me a lesson that my first priority should be my husband! So peace to you too! 

I have a friend from my hometown that I've known since I lives there! He and I would talk when I worked at the grocery store or we would chat at his place of business when I'd be in there visiting someone! We wasn't close but we have since became close! I honestly can't say that without him, and my counselor I wouldn't be here today! I was going down a hill so fast it wasn't even funny! I have to say that missy did help some too but Corey acted like it was no big deal so what your depressed your falling off the cliff! But back to Chris! He's amazing he's what I call my best guy friend! He listens to me bitch about Corey! He's not out to screw me and I'm not out to screw him! I've listened to him talk about his job and sometimes his home life! Although come to think of it I don't know much about it! But that's ok! He cares enough to notice when I'm having a bad day to text or message me and say hey what's wrong are you ok! Not just anyone will do that not even my family! But you know that's another story too! Life is about living it and not worrying about what others think! Because if you waste your time worrying about what others think then you've wasted your precious time that you could of spent doing something you love! 

I guess that's all blog!! Good night!!

Water, Fish, Lure, Crickets

To some fishing is a sport, to me fishing is a time to be one with myself and to give my mind time to work out things that need working out! Today as I sit in the boat in the lake I had time to be me and enjoy some of what is given to me daily! It's a time that I don't feel the pain, I don't care about my looks, I don't care about who sees me! I don't feel like giving up! It's a time that I have no feelings about much of anything! It's also a time to look back at how far I've come and think about how far I gotta go! Although today I didn't look ahead and say damn I got a long ways to go, I said Thank You a Lord for helping me to get this far! I looked back on where I was a year ago and saw that person that I'd become and then I looked further back and saw the person that was raging and the person that was plowing down the world one word at a time. I saw that person today and I looked that person right in the eye and I said back away devil I shall not walk that road again. I finally stood up to the devil! Standing up is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! I've always lived by If I've got it then you can gave it but it's time I take a stand and stand up! I was challenged today in my mind to take the life I had and compare it to the life I have now! The comparisons are so far apart that it's hard to tell if there was really a life in between! I was walking hand and hand with the devil himself, no doubt in my mind he was pushing me to be that person I was and when I stepped off that wagon and joined hands with The Lord I've realized this life is far better than the last life! So I challenge myself daily to walk a little closer with The Lord! And I will not allow the devil to take me down the dark alley and betray to me as the right path! Also today allowed me see that I am still here because I didn't give up! I'm still here because it's not my time to go, I'm still here to inspire others that being strong isn't just psychical strength but it's a mental strength and a emotional strength as well! With out those two you might not see that your stronger than your weakest moment! Be who you are and don't be afraid to dance in the rain! Peace,love and happiness! 

"Don't look up!"

As I'm reading this book of inspiration one story was don't look up at how far you have to go but look back at how far you've come! As most that read this blog can see from my other blog post I've come along way from where I was! And I was always looking up and thinking I'll never make it! Well, I'm not where I really wanna be but looking back I've come so far that I'm very proud of my progress! I still have a journey to continue on and I'll still have more steps to take but with each new waking hour I know I'm one step closer to the goal I've set! Depression can literally kill a person it takes away every little bit of hope, life and joy out of you with out you really knowing it! Really you know even know it until sometimes it's too late! Luckily I had a good support group to help me see that I losing ground and that I needed to seek help! With out being able to go to someone that didn't know one thing about me and telling her all about me has helped me to see that I am someone and I am the person I wanna be! No I'm not saying my depression is gone cause that's a lie! But what I am saying is that the demons that controlled me has lost control and I've taken my life back out of their power! It feels good to stand up to the demons and show that they no I longer control my mind, my body, my thoughts or my actions! When I realized that the very people that brought me into this world was the ones controlling me and that I had every right to stop it and I did stop it made me feel like the queen! As I continue to grow and enjoy the new life I have I'll always look back and say you've come along ways! Sexuality is still a temptation that I have sometimes a hard time controlling but I can say that I've not had sex with a female, kissed a female since like December of 2012 or jan of 2013 can't remember but it's been well over a year and no I didn't get a reward no I don't need a certificate but as a recovering alcoholic would say every day sober is a better day than a day drunk! Every day living on this side of the fence is a better day than living on the other! I'm tempted but when I'm asked or tempted I refuse to give in! I've turned my life back to the Man that died for my sins and the one that bears the sins of us all The Lord and savior Jesus Christ! As I try to grow spiritually I try my best to continue to live for me and grow for myself! I don't miss that life of lies, secrets and regrets because now I have nothing to hide and never will again! Living another life outside my marriage was the hardest part of my life! It put all the gray hairs in my head and it made me feel like a raging bull in a china shop! It's sad that I tortured my husband, my family and even the ones that I was messing with! But with my life going the way it's going now I feel much better about who I am! "Don't look up, but look back!" My new motto! I'll never look up the hill I'm climbing but I'll always look back and say wow you did it! Peace! 

Mind racing

Well blog it's been a while but I think it's time to just call it quits! Peace

Compassionate

com·pas·sion·ate

kəmˈpaSHənət/

adjective

1. 1.

   feeling or showing sympathy and concern for others.

   synonyms:

   sympathetic, empathetic,understanding, caring,solicitous, sensitive, warm,loving;

   Wish my husband had this ugh. 

Memories

It's amazing how one text, one message or just one word can bring up so many memories of days gone by and water under the bridge! I miss those days and the people in the memories! This is weird to some but maybe someone reading it can relate! I was playing words with friends and one of the words a friend played was fart and yes that's a funny word but it brought up a memory that made me smile! Cause it was one that I truly had thought was stored deep! But anyways enough about that! On to another things as the days get longer the more my mind wonders off to a far away place! It's been awhile since I've wondered this far away! It hurts to know that I've chosen this path and I might never walk that path again! I'm missing having that person on the other side of the fence! Main reason I miss that person is cause I'm longing for someone to hold me! It might sound crazy but when I'm depressed al I want is someone to hold me and play with my hair or just rub my back nothing sexual just truly hold me like I'm a little kid! It's sad that I don't have that with my husband cause he feels it's all about sex! I just sometimes wanna tell him I'm going to find me a woman to hold me! But I know he's gonna think I'll fall in love then I'll start cheating again! But really that's not what I feel like! I honestly believe that I might be passed that part then again it's not like it's a light switch! But truly I wish I could find just someone to hold me! Peace