y am i still living?

Sometimes, I ponder that very question! Right now I don't know how I feel! I'm hurt, upset and loved! Being called stupid by someone that once said the loved me hurts, being called it by the person that's stood by me thru a lot hurts worse! I've be called stupid all my life by someone or somebody! Once you hear it enough you begin to believe it! Maybe that's y it hurts so much! I just don't understand how anyone can call anyone stupid! I might not be the smartest person in the world but I'm not stupid either! The thoughts of suicide have flooded my head and then I just think you know that's really stupid of u to do that! She I am stupid! Life is hard when u lose friends, family and even lovers! But, I learned the hard way you must pick up the pieces slowly or else its gonna cause more trouble! Just how I feel at this moment! Thanks for listening!