If only......

Reading over some of my past blog entries tonight brought back so many memories, somethings Id forgotten Id even posted and somethings that should probably be deleted but you know one things for sure.. This blog has taken my rants, raves and abuse that Ive given it with every word that Ive spoke in those long and short blog entries.. Tonight, this entry is just gonna be something that ive been thinking about and something thats been weighing on my heart.. I need to get it off my chest.. I know my dad did bad things to me and my mom hasn't been the mom that i wish i had and my dad ain't really been the dad that i wish i had either. Then there comes a time that you have to go thru the bad to get to the good.. I had stepmom's that hated me, and now i have an awesome stepmom that loves me for me and would do what ever she could to make me happy or help me in any way possible. My dad brought home a 26 yr old boy from the rehab place and I feel like it was God sent that these two men end up in the same place at the same time. I guess I gained a new brother and a new sister in law and nephew.. Yes hes married and has a 2 yr old son.. His number one goal was to get clean and be a father to his son and get his wife back.. I think thats amazing. I'm proud of my dad being the man that he is and didn't leave a brother behind. Now, on to something else..

Today, I got to see someone it was a great visit with this person. Its been a few months since we've seen each other and we had a great time.. I then went by the cemetery to see my grandmother one more time, after my visit with Lisa, i guess i needed to tell my grandmother how i was doing and what all was going on.. I felt like she was listening to me and when I walked back to my truck I had a sense of peace..... I miss her dearly but I know shes not suffering anymore. Today, I told Lisa something that Ive been holding back because of the regret that might follow but she took it and told me how she felt about what I said.. I felt better after I said it to her and told her what I meant behind it and how i came to the conclusion. Lisa, is so easy to talk to and so understanding of my pain im in daily because she suffers some of the same pain. I have others that are easy to talk but i truly don't know if they really know how bad I hurt or how much it hurts to do this or that. With Lisa she does. I wish that I lived closer to her so I could see her more often but you know when we do get to see each other its a good visit.. Just like when I see missy its always a good visit and we always have a good time. Laughing, talking and even occasionally crying.. Just like with Natasha it was always fun to hang out with her, she could always find a way to do something crazy to make me laugh so hard I'd about pee in my pants. Yes Missy and Lisa do to but you know we all have friends that come in our lives for different reasons. We might not quite know the reason at first but then we will once it becomes clear.. 

This blog has been my shoulder when i needed someone to listen, this blog has been my venting post and I couldn't ever bring it down. It will always be here when I need it and it will always be my most treasured piece of work. I dont' know if anything I say makes sense to anyone else as long as it gives me the peace i need to be able to sleep at night and rest well, then Ill keep, posting stupid things like this blog tonight. But for all that read it and I know theres some of you out there.. If ever you have a chance to comment please do.. Tell me how im doing and what keeps you coming back.. I guess i need to see what is going thru someone elses head for a change. Well, blog i must close because my fingers are getting tired.. Until next time PEACE!!!!!!!!!!