Just a blog

Today was a good day! Got to see Debbie and then spent the afternoon with Corey! Yes I've been trying to spend more time with him and all that! It was good to laugh with him and cut up! I seem to be having more fun times with him now that I've relieved some of the stress that he's been under by losing all contact with missy! I think really down deep inside that he felt she was a threat and that she was trying to get me away from him! Missy and I haven't been sexually together in over 2 or 3 yrs! But he always accused me of it! Life must go on, everyone comes and his in your life you must find the right ones to stay! I hate that I lost a friend but in reality I see now it's been truly for the better! I didn't ever think that I'd ever say that I was better off but really I am! Certain things I do daily have been hard but as time goes on I know like everything else it'll get easier! There's one thing that's truly gonna be a test on Monday when I go for my infusion! She was the person I called on way to and first person I called when I left! But I can't tell you how she feels cause I don't know! Maybe she's adjusting a lot easier than I have! I know I've put on a good show but down deep inside of me I'm lost!! But slowly finding my way! Courage is something I never knew I had until I had to have it! And when I deleted her from fb, my phone and other places let me tell you it took all the courage I could muster up! But I did it and although I know she's probably read every blog I've posted I can't say that she hasn't or has! But I hope that if she does read them that she knows that I have missed her! No doubt about it but one things always better than the last! As time passes and I make it another day I say that I'm proud of the road I've walked I don't regret the time I spent with her, I don't regret the friendship what I do regret is that it ended the way it did! But I guess that it's for the best! I have a tendency when I'm hurt to say things to hurt the person that hurt me I do regret that but I felt the need to hurt her like she had hurt me! Life is to short to try to make all the wrongs right and all the rights better! So if your reading this missy I'm sorry I said the things I said and I truly hope that your happy! I do miss you but at this moment it's better off the way it is! I can't say that I'm happier but if I'm gonna make this marriage work it took this! And yes you've read that I have a new friend! No it's not sexually and it might never be! But I do love her as a friend! At this moment I'm content in who I am! But I'm not content in how my life has played out! I never mean to hurt anyone, but I always seem to get hurt too! I know that I'm not the perfect person, but Im not the person that some people believe! I have feelings just like anyone else! One thing I take serious is what happens between me and anyone behind closed doors isn't anyone else's business but me and the person it happens with! And for it to be told to others hurts me! And when I say I love someone I don't just love what the offer, I love the person inside and out! Now it's been told that I was pretrayed as a person that was selfish, inconsiderate, and non compassionate! I don't consider my self selfish or inconsiderate or non compassionate! What I do believe is that I'm willing to give my shirt off my back to someone in need! I don't ask for money back that I've given all I ask is a thank you! And compassionate to me is a person that's willing to drop what ever to help whoever! I've done that a few times! Now it's neither here nor there that this person said these things!! Was the same person that I'd given my eye tooth for! Many times I've done for her but never asked for anything in return! But it's ok cause judgment day will come for us all! I just hope I make the cut and if I don't then I guess I'll end up in hell with quiet a few more!! But anyways, it's just my thoughts and feelings don't mind me! I'm just a wasted space that one day will be set free! As it's been said all the things that I've said I've done! The only thing I've ever done I regret is speaking when mad! But the rest I don't regret! Peace blog until next time we meet again!!