Fathers Day, visit with friend, etc

Its been a little while since I've blogged! This past sunday was fathers day! I felt like it was time to show my father just how useless, worthless, deadbeat he was! I laid in bed and wrote him a little letter via email! I just laid all my feelings out! He called me that day apologizing and telling me he loved me! Its a little late dontcha think! Well, lifes too short to dewell on past! So, I also felt the need to email a very special man and woman in my life to just let them know how much they made me feel and how much I've appreciated them! They called me and told me thank you and wanted to tell me they loved me! I went on monday and got my haircut so I dropped by to see them! I had a very nice visit with them! These ppl are the parents to the woman I was in a realationship with for 3 1/2 yrs! When I pulled up memories come flooding my brain! I almost couldn't handle it but I did! The memories of her and I kept poping in my head! They kept playing over and over! It was almost like I was reliving it again! I even fought back tears several times, I hid emotions just so no one will see them! It was hard but I made it thru it! I can't say that I don't still love her cause I do just not in love! She's found the right one for her! I wish them both best of luck! Nuthing but happiness! Its been a great wk so far! Its the little things I miss bout our relationship, the companionship, the being able to talk to someone that understood me, shared some of the same passions that I did! Also. The times we shared intimatly and non intimatly! But I'm happy in my life right now! He makes me happy I don't see me finding another woman anytime soon! But, before I go I want to say that why live in the darkness of hell, when you can live in the lightness of heaven! Good nite blog! Peace, love and happiness!

a tribute to a long lost friend!

A little detail about my friend marty! 14 yrs ago on may 23 I lost my best friend! We had been thru so much together! No she didn't die its just that we both went our seperate ways! I thought about her over the years but never slowed down to find her! Until the bright sunshiny day I was off work, playing on facebook and had a friends request from her! My heart stood still for a moment! I took a deep breathe and said lord is this my long lost best friend! He just looked down and said yes my child! It was the happiest day of my life! I'd never thought I'd ever find her again! I did! Thank you lord! Now u know a little bout her here's an email I sent her! Its my words nuthing copied nuthing like that! Enjoy! Good night and God bless!


Over the years we've changed, gotten older, lost a few hairs, some have turned gray, but one things for sure I never forgot u and you never forgot me! Its been years but it seems like yesterday that we saw each other! That we was still in high school! Its been a lot of water under the bridge! We've both experienced things that we needed each other for mentally and physically! I hate I've missed the birth of ur babies, the time of sorrow when u needed me most! But it was Gods will that he brought us back together! He has a way of bring two ppl back together when one or both needs it most! Marty, our busy life styles made us grow apart but this time we are slowing down to smell the roses! We only got one life to live why live it in the darkness of hell when u can live it in the light of heaven! It takes years to form the friendship we have and only hours to forget the times we had! Over the years I've searched for someone like u to be there for me like u had been! Just like u I'm sure u searched for someone like me! Its human nature we all do it! But I never found that person until that day u walked back in my life! My heart was whole again! The piece that went missing finally found its way back! Thanks for the true friendship we have! Its times like this I wish we lived closer! Cause when ur done reading ur gonna be crying and I wish I was there to whip the tears away! Just remember this I never lost hope of finding you again nor did I lose the love that I had for u then and the love that's gotten stronger since we've been talking! No matter how bad life gets remember I love u just the way u are! You never have to change for me cause ur just as beautiful today as you was that hot night in 1996 when I seen u last! Keep ur head up and never let anyone steal ur joy! I'm here to protect u from the storm and love u unconditionally and give u what ever you might need! I love u marty lynn baker! If no one else cares I do!

Your best friend,Christy lynn holland

took a trip down memory lane

Not even realizing today was my aunts birthday! I took a trip down memory lane! Eating my lunch today and my fork broke! I ended up just picking the stuff by hand and eating it that way! As I was eating I kept feeling like someone was laughing at me! I just closed my eyes for a minute and I saw my grandmother and aunt looking at me and laughing! I had bbq sauce all over my face! I heard in my mind aunt jeanette say that damn christy aint right! Mamaw said that's my girl I raised her right! There aint no shame in me what so ever! Its just amazes me how the littlest things remind me of them! It just takes time for all broken hearts to be healed and all wounds to heal but the scar is there to stay! My heart is scarred from so many losses that it might not ever heal! Well, blog that's my thoughts for 2nite! I'm headed to find mamaw in my dreams! Watch out uncle paul ur up next! Good nite all!

Need you now!

I've fallen in love with that song that I could just about sing it word for word! It describes how I feel sometimes! I need you as in someone that can so me the way or someone like my husband that I love! Its been one helluva week, awesome weekend with me, corey our babies and the most wonderful view known to man the lake! Awesome! I'd live on a lake somewhere if I could! Not sure I'm ready to give up city life right now! As I'm typing this out that song is playing in my head! Ill post the lyrics now! I'm sure who ever reads this can relate to it in some way!

I need you now by Lady Antabelum

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do withoutI just need you now

Woah, woah
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without I just need you now, I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now


We all have felt this way from time to time! I know I have! Well, as usual I'm blogging as I lay in bed and my thumb is hurting! Good nite blog! I need you now lord!

As I lay in my bed typing this out on my blackberry! I'm in pain from my neck to my toes! Its only getting worse with time! Maybe one day ill be well! Its been a few wks or days since I've posted a blog! I've been doing a lot of thinking! I have a few ppl in my life that if and when I have to quit my job and live at home on disability! That would call, text or even drop by atleast once a wk! These ppl I love dearly and can truly call my best friends! Its not easy making best friends when you've been hurt before! Long story not in mood to go into detail! Its been a crazy couple of wks just with life in general! Work, home, life its all crazy! But as I was told along time ago if first you don't make then pick urself up dust urself off and try again! Its been a great experience! Well blog I've come the conclusion that life is what u make it! I've pondered that saying so many times that its almost like second nature to me! I just don't seemm to quite get why I'm having to deal with ol arthur at 33 yrs old! He's gonna kill me or I'm gonna be legless! Thanks to a good cold beer and a nice draw off that cigarette I'm gonna sleep great tonight! Just a little alcohol never hurt a sole! I keep telling em if I have to go to hell for my ways I'm taking my cooler full of beer! That's all I need to survive the heat! I've already made friends with the devil! But anywho I need to get off here thumb is numb! Good nite! Peace, love and cold beer!

new begining

A much needed relief finally came my way in the best way possible! I couldn't ask for a more pleasant begining than the one I got today! I've wait almost 4 yrs for her to finally realize its to late to turn back the hands of time! I hope she can life the life that she wants without regrets! I'm picking up the pieces and rekindling the flame that still burns for my husband! I couldn't begin to tell u why I cheated on him in the first place especially with that crazy bitch! I truly believe she's been brain washed and led off the deep end with no floaties! But, if she was drowning right in front of me I think I'd have to say I'd keep on going and not stop to help! She's so far gone there's no helping her! I'm not one to be so cold hearted but you have one shot if u shoot me then its over! Thanks to my good friend cheryl that told me to keep away I finally listened! Well, now my only problem is hoping that I don't have to have knee replacement surgery! I feel so bad it hurts so bad that I just want to cut it off! Good nite blog! I'm off to lala land!

no title

Its been quite a journey over these past few months! I've learned many lessons! I've stared the devil in his eyes, I've fell to the deepest place I've ever been! I've been literally in hell! It was a trip I care not to take anymore! I've lost a friend/stepmom, father/asshole and almost my husband! I guess you could really say that I've lost one whole side of my family with the exception of a few from that side! Its ok though because they'll need me before I need them! I guess that time will tell if I forgive and forget what that man did to me and the pain I've caused him and his dear wife! Its been along time coming I just couldn't find the time to do it but when I did I knew what I was losing! I didn't really lose a father because he's never really been a father anyway! To everywife he's ever had he was a father to her kids but to his own he was another deadbeat dad! Its just that's my feelings! Any man that sexually molested their own daugther whether it be 20yrs ago or 2 days ago its still not right! But its ok because when it all came out I felt a sense of relief that I've never felt before! I felt like my body had been healed and really in truly somethings had been healed! But, I'm keeping my head up because my friend cheryl told me one day christy you've lived thru the tough times and you survived don't do anything stupid! So I didn't, I'm a much stronger person because of it! I've learned many things! The ones you call friends may not really be friends! On to the next thing I've started a new chapter in my book of life! Its called "keep it moving!" that's my new motto if your in my life to try to bring me down then keep it moving! If your in my life to ruin my marriage then keep it moving! If your not in my life to share my joy then keep it moving! I'm not going back to where I used to be! I'm not going to stare the devil in the eyes again! Once was enough! Just like I just said I told the devil to keep it moving! I aint got time for your ass in my life! Now that I'm a changed person I've got to learn to kick a few people out my life that might cause me some issues! I've got one pretty much on the same page as me and the other one I just need to tell her to kick rocks and keep it moving! I'm not one to break off a realationship, friendship or anything but I've got to step up and do it! Well, blog my fingers hurt cause as usual I'm in bed typing this out on my phone! Good nite all and peace out!