Gone

Well, it took me many years to finally say that she's gone! It's hurt like hell, I've cried, I've asked myself are you really sure this is what you wanted! But the answer I keep coming up with is yes! It's for the best! Her and I have shared a lot but I feel at times she was sucking the life right out of me! It had gotten to the point that it was a chore to talk to her because it seemed every little thing I did wasn't good enough! Then she tries to come between me and one of my friends! That's when the line got drawn! I really hope she's having a great life! She's blocked me on Facebook which is fine with me because it's better that way! I just hope one day she will get help for her mental state because I truly believe she's got issues! But anyways blog it's for the best I truly gave it all I could give it! My marriage was more important! I might regret it one day but right now it seems right! I meet a new/old friend the other day ran into her at Walmart I was sitting in my truck waiting on my friend Dana and she walked up to my truck and was like girl where have you been!! It was a good site, been over 10 years since I last saw her just before I got married! It's been good catching up with her and meeting her daughter for the first time! She has the cutiest little grandson! I could take him home with me but I'm sure Dot wouldn't like that!! Debbie is the type of person that you never forget but just lose touch from time to time!! She's been living in Rhode Island for a long time now! Just moved back to Pontotoc last year! She's a sweet person! We had lunch together the other day just catching up on each others lives! It's been fun, then I went down on Monday and seen Lisa! It was good to see her again, spend some time with her and enjoy some good lunch with her!! We rode by Enid dam/lake and I was amazed at how low the water was! It was unbelievable! But I'll be proud when warmer weather gets here so I can wear shorts and flip flops and go fishing and camping! I think this year I'm gonna be a permanent  fixture at Trace state Park think ill stay there all summer! Sometimes, I wish that I lived on the water 24/7! Hopefully sometime in may ill be taking a little girls trip to the beach with my mom, sister and sister in law! I'm really excited about it and can't wait!! Well, blog I think that's it for now! Oh yea I've had a few good days and a couple of bad days too! But I know every day is a new day and I'm thankful for waking up each new day. Good night blog! 

Hmm

Well, I've been told that I've caused someone to block and delete someone else and I turned them against this person! It's seems crazy to me that this said person would even think that being I haven't said or done a damn thing! Then, it seems funny to me that said person would go after someone that I still have some feelings for! Someone that I dated a little bit! That's what pisses me off! Then they say they love this person but haven't ever met this person! But said person wants to kill self because said person got rejected! I've heard those words before! Because when me and said person broke up said person was same way! It's so crazy to me that I get brought into something that I didn't know anything about until tonight! Yea it all came out tonight! But I'm the one that caused it! Hmm if I really had something to do with said person wouldn't ever been on other persons page in the first place! It's not a fucking game! I'm too old to play damn games! I quit doing that back in 4th grade! Or hell maybe before then! I'm just fed up with all this back and forth shit! Like I told said person if you really wanna kill self then why tell someone so they could try to talk you out of it! The two times I tried I didn't tell a sole because I didn't want anyone to talk me out of it! But said person is about to drive me over the edge and I'm wondering if that's what they really want! Ugh!!

Another note I guess days of been happy and free are over since I'm paying for Corey's new to him truck! He's worth it though! He deserves it, his was on its last leg in last 2 years we've put more money into it than it was actually worth! But he's got a new one now and i told him to take good care of it' lol! He's been driving me around and it's been so nice to actually not have to drive for a change! But I know that wont last long! Anyways blog my eyes are crossing think I'll go to bed now! Peace!!

Time to say fuck it

I'm pissed but really shouldn't be! I shouldn't be mad but it really pisses me off how someone uses others to get what they want! I just don't understand why someone feels that they need to try to use someone that I'm close too to try to get this person away from me! I have deep feelings for this person but there's someone that can't stand the fact that I do have deep feelings! And this person try's to get the one that I have deep feelings away from me! It hurts my feelings that the one I have deep feelings for would even entertain the fact! I mean Im about tempted to tell them both that they are made for each other!! Maybe they can be happy with each other! Anyways, I'm so much better than this! 

I've been talking to a woman that I really have a lot in common with! So much in common with that it's almost scary! She's so easy to talk to, easy to get along with!! Tomorrow since I'm not going to see another friend because she's sick them I'm going to meet my new friend!! I'm actually kind of excited to meet her! I think we will be lasting friends for a long time! Good thing is that she's also married, and it's truly just a friendship! Nothing more! And as far as the rest go it'll all come out one day!! Just gotta let it run it's course! Anyways blog just needed to vent! 

Feeling lost with no paddle

It's been a while since I've blogged! Just ain't really felt up too it I guess! But something was said to me today that really got me thinking! Yes I've posted several blogs about missy! So let me get this straight to all that might read this! Me and missy are great friends! I don't ever see anything more than that! She and I have been thru a lot and friends was the best thing that happened to us! Yes I still love her and always will! No I'm not in love with her and I'm sure I can speak for her too! She's not in love with me either! Now, there's only one person that name will be kept secret that I can honestly say if something happened to me and Corey that I could see my self with if the time was right! Now I've been in love since missy! All but one I still love! One I could really care less if I ever saw her again and could care less snore her! I just don't see in my future that the secret person and I will ever cross the right path at the right time! Now I might be wrong but right now it's not looking like it! I'm still friends with others! Proud of Natasha that she finally found the one that completes her! I couldn't be more happier! She deserves it just like we all do!! And no the secret person isn't Natasha! Yea I still love her but she's happy and I'd never come between that! No way because she's been thru too much to get to where she is now!! And I wish missy the best in all her endeavors hope that she begins to feel better, and maybe one day finds happiness too! As I've said on Facebook the other day "you must sometimes walk down the wrong side of the road to find the right way to go!" And I've walked down some dirty, dusty, shady, hot, wild and omg paths! But everyone of them showed me something that I needed to learn!  We don't know why people cross our paths but when they do most of the time it's for a lesson to be learned! I regret no relationship, no sexual encounter, no love stories, and no friendships! They've all taught me something, whether it was good, bad or even ugly I learned something! And trust me when I say I've seen ugly! And I've seen some of my encounters turn bad all of a sudden and then turn really ugly! But you know I've always been a fighter for something if I wanted it bad enough! And most every thing I've done I've fought for it! Just ask a few that know me well! 

On to another note, yelp turn the page! I'm happy with myself most days, and some days I just want to end it all! I've been down, picked back up and beat down again! But I want give up just yet! Although the past couple of days I thought my end was near! Stomach whatever it was I don't wish it on no one! It was hell, but I made it out alive barely but alive!! Depression is a killer it can take you by surprise and when it does you don't know what to do! Monday I felt it coming on and I took double my meds, and then Tuesday it hit me hard when I found out Corey had been lying to me! But I slowly feel myself creeping back up! Lets hope he doesn't knock me down again! Cause I'm not sure ill be able to pick myself up if he does! Well, blog my eyes are running together!! Gues I better go peace

Feeling like a champ

Tonight a friend of mine listened to me rant about my father! She made me laugh and I made her laugh! It's nice to have good friends! Then missy texted me and I helped her to see that maybe it's time she go to the doc about a lingering problem she's having! I hope that she truly listens to me this time! I just hate to see my friends hurting and so many of them are! It hurts me to know I'm not in a position to help them I'm any other way than just talking to them! But I hope by talking to them it helps then out! I've been beat down to the point I felt like taking my life just to make others happy it was friends that picked me up and dusted me off! I've got a friend that's at that point now and sometimes I feel like I wish there was more I could do but there's not! One day I know someone's gonna read these blogs and think I'm the dumbest person that ever lived! But this blog is for me to put my feelings out! 

This 2nd amendment shit, gay marriage shit and all the killings are gonna make me either become an alcoholic or a druggie! I mean I don't see anyone walking In my house telling me they taking my gun away from me cause they want walk out that's for sure! Also I don't care if a man/man or woman/woman gets married hell it ain't gonna effect me one bit! And these ppl killing ppl I think if the real problem was address at an early age ppl wouldn't be so apt to kill ppl why don't you address bullying? Why don't you stop that shit mr president you fucking jackass! No I didn't vote for him first time not this time! This country was free but slowly turning to a dictatorship hell if I wanted that I'd moved to another country! Just like others did before me! All this makes no sense to me! If you think back dude used a bomb in Oklahoma to kill kids, dude in fort hood used a 9mm pistol to kill this ppl, assualt rifles aren't the problem the ppl are the problem! Banning drugs ain't stopped ppl from using them! Hell you can buy shit off the street for the right money! Ugh well I've said enough peace! Or as my friend Becky said Aidos Bitchnachos 

Friends

Sometimes I have friends to send me messages about things and I tell them how I feel or try to help them get thru what ever they are going thru! Well one friend seems to not care what I say! She just does what ever she wants and doesn't listen! Just hurts my feelings but she supposedly loves him! I don't see it! I don't see she loves anyone because one she can't love her self!! I hate that but I guess she just don't care my opinion matters! I wish her the best! Just told her that! 

Hmm

Sitting here thinking and I've drawn to write another blog about my friend! She's wants to be loved so much , but she's looking in all the wrong places! I just hope that one day she will begin to look in the right place and that's her heart! Before you can find love you've gotta get rid of the bad in your life first and then the good will follow! I've told her that a few times but it just seems she's not listening to me! But anyways blog enough about her! 

A few weeks ago or maybe a month ago I posted an ad on craiglist and what responded to me was something that I didn't expect! She seems like that she wants to be a great friend with maybe benefits! Just not sure she's ready to meet! We was suppose to meet just after Christmas but something came up and she had to go to Missouri on the day we was to meet! But you know I know that we all get scared! I just hope that soon we meet cause I'm really ready to see her face to face!! I haven't even heard her voice yet and I can't wait!! But anyways! Then I have this friend out in Arizona that wants to meet me and I'm like dang that's a long ways away lol!! But I have a few friends just not any that likes to text like I do!! I just like texting it's like my phone is a part of me and it'll be a cold day before you get this phone out of my hand lol! Well anyways blog my phone is bout to freaking die so peace!!