Depression

Sometimes depression kills people. Its been awhile since Ive been this depressed that I could careless about anything I do or doing. I just don't care really to eat or anything. I had a shot in my knee yesterday and it has made my knee hurt worse than it did before I got the shot. It got me down last night. I told my friends that I was gonna just kill my self and get it over with. I woke up this am in a little better mood than I went to bed with maybe I had a little relief from GOD he comforted me with some of my pain and made it a little better. Its still hurting like it was yesterday all day today. I can't strech it out or bend it, it hurts to get up off the couch, toliet and all the other things like have to get up off of. Interesting enough i can get in out of the truck with little to no pain and that is the funny thing. I just feel like giving up, because im sure that im headed in the direction of total knee replacement. Im really scared but i have too much to live for when i set down and think about all the good in my life. I have a great family and friends that keep me going. Thanks to all my good friends. I love you all. Only so long can a woman hide the feelings for another woman and hide the sexual feelings for another woman. For some reason these feelings come back when i get down and out. I guess because I can't do things with my husband because of my legs, with a woman i don't have to use my legs. These feelings are getting so strong that If the right woman was to walk in my house and said one word id have her in the bed and not stop until she told me too. Im happy with my life just need a little action from a woman and i feel like that i would be better. I just need that touch, feel of what a woman has. Maybe one day ill get my chance. Missy and I have been talking and she is happy, so Im not gonna ruin something that is a good thing. I know how it is to be lonely and feel like no one loves you. So I'm not going to even ask for it because i don't want her to cheat on her girlfriend because i know how that feels too. its not a good feeling. I love missy and shes a great friend and im so happy she has finally found her the perfect woman that makes her happy. Its hard to find the right one and when you do its the greatest experience known to man. Living like happily is better than living life with out anyone in you life. Thanks to her she has pushed me to keep going and im going to keep pushing her to be with her woman and make things better. i love you missy. Well, blogger i guess i need to get off here. Ive rambled on for a long time. Good night.