Thinking

Posted on Wednesday while camping!

As I lay here thinking back over the days that's gone by! I can't help but wonder what would Mamaw think of me now, what would she be saying now, and why did aunt Jeanette have to go so soon! Life is a precious gift that we all should take for granted! I was watching a movie again the other day and it reminded me of a girl that killed in a car wreck! This movie makes me think of all the ones that feel so alone that we just walk on past! Never stopping asking are you ok do you need a shoulder to lean on!! I couldn't tell you the number of times I've had that feeling of being alone! Just the other day in the mist of fishing I felt like no one wanted me or wanted me around! I told my friend that I was giving up because of the pain I was in and she said no your not cause your stronger than that so suck it up and keep going! Often times we say yea we understand something your going thru when really unless you've been thru it you have no clue!! So next time someone says I understand the pain your in ask them since when did you get RA, or what ever! Because unless you have RA, ovaries problems, lupus, depression or anything else then you really don't know the pain I'm in! I suffer from RA, Sevre Depression, and PTSD! Unless you've got any of those or even ever felt depressed then what do you really know? Next time that woman, man or kid walks by and looks weird or just not like most people look like don't judge them don't say she's weird cause you don't know her story, you don't know her home life, and last you don't know what she's thinking!! Trust me I hide my thinking from most everyone that knew me! It's not like I wanted them to know that I just took 9 pills, or I just thought about shooting myself or that I wanted to slice my wrist! You don't know what goes on daily in my head it's a constant battle! Think before you say I understand!
If only we could take back one thing we ever said to anyone, or if we could take back one punch to a brick wall, or if we could take back just one mean ill willed thought towards someone else! Just those one things could of made a difference in a life of someone! Until I get home blog! Peace!


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