Thinking

As I lay here thinking over my day I've realized that I'm not the person I betray to be on the outside! I'm not this strong person that people think I am!! Behind these big brown eyes is tears, pain, anxiety and hurtfulness!! The tears only show when I allow them, the pain is inevitable, the anxiety is overwhelming at times, and the hurtfulness is breath taking! Tears are like rain drops once they are shed or allowed to fall then there's no getting them back, there's no way to bottle them up and say hey hold this for another day!! Just like rain you can't stop it for and start it on a day you might need it more!! The pain is deep that creeps up every so often to say hey I'm still here, it's there whether we believe it's there or not!! It's there and it will take you by surprise!! The anxiety of waiting for something or finding out something or just meeting someone new or just anxiety of going out in public, hurtfulness is the hurt that's felt daily by something either not going right, someone saying something, or just the fact that you've been hurt before! It shows its head when you least expect it and it causes you to hurt others when you really didn't mean too!! The pain of hurting others can be so overwhelming that you feel the need to take your own life! But little do you know they will hurt worse when you do leave this world than when you stand beside them! Last few days a good friend of mine has been going thru some hard times and she's ask my advice several times and I've tried to steer her in the right direction I'm not really sure I have or not but I've given it my best shot! Tonight she texted me and the trouble she was having isn't resolved and really it's only gotten a little worse but coming from me and having been where she is I knew what to say and I hope that those words I spoke will be true in a few hours when I wake! Relationships whether man/woman, woman/ woman or man/man all have trails, tribulations and a few fights! No relationship is perfect and no one is right! With this situation one said something to the other that really hurt and I know it hurt cause I've been on both sides of this situation! The only way to fix the problem is ask questions the first one is what do you want out of this relationship from this point forward! The other party will answer one of 2 ways! 1: I want us to work past this and continue on our life's as one and let our love be the best form of healing! (something like that) 2: I want out of this situation and I never want to see or talk to you again! ( or something along those lines)! If #1 is the answer then they'll hug, kiss and leave there happy, of #2 is the answer they might hug, kiss and I'm sure both will leave upset, crying and do forth! Heartache or heartbreak isn't easy to deal with! It takes time to heal, it takes patients and it takes a few good crys! But once you get past being mad at the other person, then you'll begin the healing process! Never has it been said leaving a relationship would be easy! But you must leave it knowing you gave it your all! If something happens to Corey and I! I know for a fact I gave my all to try and save it! I gave 110% and nothing less! If anyone I know says less ill slap the wholly fuck out of them!! Including him or his family! Life is full of choices and with those choices comes regrets, and with that regret comes hurt and with that hurt comes anger and with anger comes pain! Then once all those things have past your able too look back and say damn I made it one more time!! To those reading this blog, it took a long time for me to finally realize that the person you see isn't the person on the inside fighting to get out! I've held on too long to give up now and to all reading this your just as strong as you allow yourself to be! If you tell your self your weak then you'll be weak but if you go into every situation thinking you know the outcome already then your always gonna lose the fight! Remember no one is perfect and no one is right! But don't allow others to push avid shove you with out fighting for what's right! Peace!!