Divorce

Corey and I will be filing for divorce and its hos decision! He's decided today that its time for me to move on! I just gotta be prepared for what's in store for my future! As I lay here wide awake and haven't slept much its been a bad Night and day yesterday! I guess today starts the first day of the rest of my life! Im not sure im prepared for this and im not sure im ready! I Wish I could turn back hands of time and just take away the things that's hurt me! But our marriage is like this im the one that hates the world so much That I need help as in counseling! I just don't understand how anyone that says they love someone be so cruel and be so mean that they sit there and watch me pack my stuff and walk away! I don't understand how he can just allow it to happen! Never in my life could I've ever watched him pack up and leave! Never could I've ever truly thought this day would come! But it has and I know God knows best and I know he knows what's right! I just hope Corey will see that what he thinks is right really is and that he allows me to take my stuff in peace and take my stuff without him around! I don't understand how he could stand there! But if your a low down cold hearted asshole then yes I guess you could! He says he needs time to think and space from me! I hope that he enjoys it! I've cried so much im not sure my head will Ever quit hurting! Im sure my BP won't come down for many days! Not only does he wont out the girl that I was falling in love with told me she doesn't feel like she can carry on a sexual thing with me! So the night of 12-13 I lost her and then I lost him on 12-14! So I guess as the saying goes The lord will never put more on you than you can handle! But im telling you this is almost too much! This is more than I think anyone will be able to handle! I feel like I have no one now! I got a few friends and family that actually do care about me! I have some that want me happy but Then I have the ones that are there when they need me but no where around when I need them! I don't hate any of them but I do feel like I've been used! Im worthless now, im useless! No one will ever want a disabled person That can't provide for herself! I just don't understand! Ugh! Well blog ill be blogging a lot more now!