Today was a really good day!! I meet up with a friend that I had been talking too for a long time but had never met!! It was nice to just sit and talk about the crazy things that goes on in our life! It was a pretty day outside and we sat out by the lake and just enjoyed the nice breeze that was blowing!! Sometimes its good to be out in nature and let the wind take away all your troubles and trails!! I've got a lot on my mind blog it's been a little bit since I've last posted and I've been in and out of depression! Ive been doing a lot of thinking when I should really just let it go!! I don't know what the future holds in store for me and it's just a thing that I can't hide and I feel like that even though I'm trying hard to live the life of a straight person! I'm not really straight! Ive been so caught up in the now that I forgot what the past looked like and what the future might hold!! I've been so taken aback by the fact that I'm still married cause at one point I didn't wanna be married but then there's times that I do wanna be married!! I'm not really sure of who I am or what I wanna be!!! I guess that Im afraid of being alone and afraid of rejection that I've stuck myself in this place!! So here I am blog just telling you what my mind wants to say!! It could be so easy to fall in love with someone that shows me the affection, attention and caring that ive never had except for the time I was with missy!! Those things are what I'm missing in my everyday life, those things make me fall for the first person that crosses my path! Those things are what I long for daily to make my heart feel complete!! I've enjoyed the times that missy and I have had the past couple of weeks, talking and laughing but I'm missing that affection! So I search for it from others and no one seems to understand me! Understand that i need it to continue on!! I got to start back in my group therapy cause I feel it was helping but I just got lazy and didn't go! My mind has been racing out of control so bad that today I as I was driving back home I almost just drove my truck off a big hill in hopes that it would put me out of mind and out of sight! I know that it's been a long hard fight to the place I am now but my mind just wanted to end it today!! I've gotten so used to the fact that I'm not the only one that has to deal with losing me!! That it's kept me from doing something like that!!! I feel that some ppl might actually be happy if I was gone!! My mom would probably be a little upset in front of everyone but then it would be good now I don't have to worry about pleasing her anymore!! It's hard to just keep on going when everything around you keeps saying give up!! Well blog it's been a long road and I hope that I can continue on and maybe I will if not its been great spilling my feelings for all to see!! Good night blog until next time!
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