I have so much on my mind that I truly don't know where to start! It takes a strong person to live thru the things I live thru it also takes a strong person to work things out like I have! Working on my marriage has been my biggest thing and I hope that I've finally proved myself to being faithful to him! I have come to realize that I love this man! Life with arthritis is either gonna make me stronger or kill me one! I had a dream the other night that I lost my right leg and it woke me up! I was crying! I truly feel that I just need to have the surgery and to hell with it! I just don't understand why I'm so young and gotta live like this! Thanks for my friends and family that truly stand up for me and love me no matter what! Being rejected and lead down the wrong road has caused me to decide that Life isn't ever gonna change! If you've read my earlier blogs then you all know I like women! Well its been almost 2 yrs and the feelings have been there I've just kept pushing them away! I finally the other day decided that the feelings where gonna kill me if I found a female that was willing just for the fun of it! Well we'd made a date to meet and have casual sex! So I was all prepared and excited because I know once I get it then I'm good for another 2 yrs! Yes my husband knows my desires and we've made many agreements and have a great understanding! Today of all days this female rejects me! Telling me She's not ready but just yesterday she was! Ill never understand! I felt like my world had crashed! I just think ya know that was Gods will! So now I'm back to the longing and the needing! Being with a female for sexual purposes is like a drug addict that's been clean for years just gets it one more time for satisfaction! That's me truly me! I just need it and truly be satisfied! Mainly I want that touch that can't be felt any other way than by a female! You might not understand of you've never Been in this situation! Just ask someone that has! But blog I move on now and hang my head in shame because I even considered the thought! But life goes on! Good night world!
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