Hopelessly trying

As I lay here in this bed thinking about the way the world is and the way I see the world as whole! It's never been said or even seen by me or others like me! But the way I perceive the world is round, has no boundaries and is endless beyond belief! Never have I walked to the edge of the ocean alone but one day I'd like to let the sand run thru my fingers just because I can! Never have I spoken my love for someone and they refuse to tell me how they feel, it's hard not knowing if someone feels the same for you, but it's harder knowing that you can't help that person either! I have a friend that I love and can't be with forever for many reasons but the main one because I'm married to a man that don't get me wrong I do love but the touch of a female is something I miss on a daily basis! The smell of a female is something I miss too! Having her laying her in my arms on sleepless nights is something I miss too! Life is made up of choices we make and regrets from those choices! Although the choices may not all be regrets but some surly are! I have another friend that I enjoy talking to that's never had that person show her what love really is! It would be very easy to teach her but that would require me leaving this man! At times when he's being an ass like tonight it wouldn't take much to throw away this marriage and say to hell with all the hardworking I've put into it! I've given my all and it still doesn't seem like its quiet enough!! But I carry on like there's no tomorrow and today is my last! Because if I don't I'll fall into that dark place I care not to be in!! At times I feel like I'm not making and progress in this marriage then I look back and I see that I'm much happier than I once was! It's been a long road and bumpy but there's one thing my grandmother taught me was to never give up on something that I might regret if I did give up on it!! She fault til she took her last breathe and then she is still fighting watching over us all from heaven! I will honor her with a special tattoo that I've wanted since the day they lowered her in the ground!! I made her a promise that she would live on in my life on a daily basis! Ive never lost sight of the greatest gift that she gave and that was to love everyone you come in contact with! You don't know there situation or there life but what you have before u is a gift to share and that's by saying hello or smiling! Never let a persons life go untouched by you when you have a chance to brighten someone's day!! Well blog I've rambled on enough it's time to roll over and try to get some shut eye! Peace until next time!!