No title suits this post

To say the least I'm in horrible pain! But I guess it'll be ok cause it's just mother nature!! She's being a bitch again, and I'm bout ready to do surgery!! Yelp I'm gonna perform surgery!! Naw not really!! But the other day I went and spent some time with missy and we played on computer and talked and then I went to get my hair cut!! Being away from home seems to make my mood better but being at home makes me miss being away!! I think it's about time for a break from reality so to speak!! A break that I need a get away from life!! Think it's about that time!! Well I'm just another lonely person in this mixed up world! Got emotions and feelings that are as mixed up as a bag of m&ms! It's sad that the one thing you want you can't have and the one thing you have you don't want!! That's how I feel right now!! I guess as my mom used to say I can want in one hand and shit in other!! But that's ok cause one day I'll have what I want and I'll be happy!! It seems like yesterday I was sitting beside my grandmothers bed and she was saying christy I'm ready to go home and I kept saying well Mamaw close your eyes and go on home!! April 16, 2001 she went home and I miss her more than I've ever missed anything in my life!! She was my rock many times and many times she saved my ass from the belt!! But I know she's watching down from heaven over me!! She knows that I miss her but she's so much better off!! Never does a time go by that I don't think of the times we had, the memories flood my mind at times but those memories are the part that keep me going daily! She never gave up and never will I!! Only one thing I've given up on in my life and I ain't fully gave up on it yet is my marriage! I fight daily cause I do love him but something isn't right, and something is still missing!! Not really sure what's missing other than the fact that it's not really what I want! That's all I can think of, but it's hard to fix trust and forgiveness in someone! It's hard to regain that! But you know I hope one day that I might! Well blog I guess I've said enough! Peace!!!