Sitting here

As my wonders I think of all the times that I wish I had another chance or another word that would make all the bad seem so right! I just wish that when I'm alone I really didn't feel alone!! When others are around sometimes I still feel alone!! I guess it's just me but I know that one day I'm gonna say the wrong thing! But as it stands at this moment I'm fairly happy with my life! Can't complain cause really no one cares anyways!! It's just a waste of my breathe!! That's what my grandmother always said!! Ive opened up to someone and I'm not sure they know how to take it!! Hmm maybe I was a little too blunt or too stating the oblivious!! But you know that's me like, love it or fuck it!! You take the choice you want! Matter of fact it's getting about that time to have a good one night stand or as they say now days a good fuck!! Been since sometime last year since I've had well never mind!! That's too much info for you to read!! But you know it's getting that time again!! I guess it might be a long time cause I'm looking for the right one!! Been hurt too many times to just give it up to anyone!! But I guess then it wouldn't be just a piece of ass huh!! So you know a piece of ass sounds good!! Hehe!! Yelp I had a few to drink tonight and I'm feeling pretty damn good right about now!! I guess since I heard the dryer go off its my cue to go to bed! Was waiting on it cause I need something that's in it!! Mind is really wondering now huh!! But it's all good!! If anyone really knew what was on my mind at every given second of the day they'd be shocked sometimes!! I caught myself today really going down memory lane! It hurt to watch it all play out again! But I guess that's why it's a memory and not a future thought!! I've loved two women in my life and both are good friends today!! I couldn't ask for better friends even though I got hurt and I'm sure I hurt them too!! There's another woman that I've fallen for but it's not that serious yet!! She's never told me she loved me back! I've only slipped one time and told her!! My first love showed me the attention and affection I needed! My second love gave me affection and attention but could make me cry when I left her and could make me laugh!! But I guess really both of them did!! Missy and Natasha both gave me something I was missing!! Both I still love and always will love!! Both have moved on!! One moved on but got hurt again and other moved on and found the right one!! Ive told them both I support what ever they do!! That's just me though!! I've moved on too but still have moments that I think about them on occasion!! Things we did that triggers a memory!! It's the little things that no one sees that brings that smile to my face or that tear to my eye!! But life's to short to live in memories but we must continue on and hope for the best in the end!! Lisa gives me attention and she's not very affectionate but I don't see her enough I guess to be shown her affectionate side! I told her one day that I was gonna kidnap her and then I said you probably wouldn't go with me she replied with how u know lol!! But until that day comes I may never know!! Well blog I guess I'll close tonight!! I'm sure someone will read this post and I hope they do!! Missy, Natasha and Lisa I love you all!! Peace!!