To save a life!!

Was a really good movie, I think everyone should watch it cause it brings meaning to what I've thought about, what I've done and what I've written out! I used to be a cutter, yelp I didn't cut my wrist I'd cut my legs just because I didn't want people to see them! There healed now, but the emotional scar is still there! I've threatened to shot my self but I just don't feel I ever could pull the trigger, I've done stupid stuff like take a lot of pills but ive always woke up with the sweats or a bad headache or something like that!! I know if I continue to do that it could be one day I don't wake up! That's the day I long for sometimes! The day that everyone sees the scars they've caused me, sees the emotional pain I've been in for years, and sees why I really have to take all these meds! That day could be today, maybe that's why I lay awake and think about the things I think about! Maybe this blog site will be told to my mom and dad the day I leave this world so they can see what there little girl lived thru! Maybe someone will tell Corey about it and he can see what really is going on, maybe someone reading this will stop and think before they take their life!! I'm a lot of talk cause anyone that's suicidal holds the power in there hand to finish the job! But it's only cause we don't wanna finish the job is why we are still here! If I only had thought about the things I've said or done over my 34 years then I think a few things I would of done differently! If my mom or dad would of thought about how they pushed me on to others all the time a long time ago I might not hate them like I do! Don't get me wrong I love em but I hate em too!! If they'd taken that few mins that they took with my brother or sister or step brother or step sister then I might of wouldn't had to resort to cutting, suicidal thinking, and taking pills! It's been a long time since I've really had a few mins with my mom just her and I with out a fight or someone getting mad! I couldn't tell you when, nor can I tell you the last time I've sat and talked to my dad about something other than my brother!! I can't tell you the last time I've talked to Corey about anything other than what he's watching or work!! Yelp it's not an easy world I live in nor is it an easy life I've lived!! One day might just be too late to start over!! One day might be too short to call me, or talk to me!! Today you had a chance, tomorrow you may not!! But it's been their choice to lead the life they have and we all make stupid choices in our lives, but when we move on and forgive those stupid choices is when we see that life is about making decisions!! If only mom and dad had thought about those stupid choices before it was too late! I guess they didn't know or really care! Cause alcohol and/or men or women were more important!! So with this being said, I hope I make it out alive but if I don't then consider this my final good bye! Peace