If you only knew.......

What I feel down deep inside, what I want more than anything else, where I'd love to be and what truly makes me smile! Would you still be here, would you try your best to make what I want happen, would you go to the place id love to be, and would you do what makes me smile? Ponder those questions and I'm sure the answers that your gonna give are gonna be something like this! I'd be right there with you doing all things that make you happy! Down deep inside of me is a person fighting to get out daily, she pushes and shoves, and doesn't make it but a few steps daily before I slowly push her back deep down inside of me, why you might ask because the girl inside of me isn't socially accepted and I'm sure I'd lose the few friends I do have and I'd lose the few family members that's left that love me, and as ive said I wouldn't be accepted! Fear of rejection out weights everything that I've ever longed for! Fear of retalliation against me is something that I hold high, and fear of losing my family is even higher! 

Today I had my infusion and there was a woman in there that was so sick from cancer that she gave me the motivation to keep going! She was about 85 yrs old but said young lady don't let this get you down cause I'm still driving myself around and I'm still kicking you can too!!  It made me think about the times I about gave up hope but one thing it did was give the girl inside of me a little confidence to keep pushing me to let her out! So I ask myself what do you do? And I told myself that happiness is what I want and happiness is what I need and I am somebody and the somebody I'm with doesn't want me to be somebody so I've decided that I work on slowly allowing this person deep inside of me to come out! It's that time that I find who I really am!! Good night blog! Peace!