Feeling lost with no paddle

It's been a while since I've blogged! Just ain't really felt up too it I guess! But something was said to me today that really got me thinking! Yes I've posted several blogs about missy! So let me get this straight to all that might read this! Me and missy are great friends! I don't ever see anything more than that! She and I have been thru a lot and friends was the best thing that happened to us! Yes I still love her and always will! No I'm not in love with her and I'm sure I can speak for her too! She's not in love with me either! Now, there's only one person that name will be kept secret that I can honestly say if something happened to me and Corey that I could see my self with if the time was right! Now I've been in love since missy! All but one I still love! One I could really care less if I ever saw her again and could care less snore her! I just don't see in my future that the secret person and I will ever cross the right path at the right time! Now I might be wrong but right now it's not looking like it! I'm still friends with others! Proud of Natasha that she finally found the one that completes her! I couldn't be more happier! She deserves it just like we all do!! And no the secret person isn't Natasha! Yea I still love her but she's happy and I'd never come between that! No way because she's been thru too much to get to where she is now!! And I wish missy the best in all her endeavors hope that she begins to feel better, and maybe one day finds happiness too! As I've said on Facebook the other day "you must sometimes walk down the wrong side of the road to find the right way to go!" And I've walked down some dirty, dusty, shady, hot, wild and omg paths! But everyone of them showed me something that I needed to learn!  We don't know why people cross our paths but when they do most of the time it's for a lesson to be learned! I regret no relationship, no sexual encounter, no love stories, and no friendships! They've all taught me something, whether it was good, bad or even ugly I learned something! And trust me when I say I've seen ugly! And I've seen some of my encounters turn bad all of a sudden and then turn really ugly! But you know I've always been a fighter for something if I wanted it bad enough! And most every thing I've done I've fought for it! Just ask a few that know me well! 

On to another note, yelp turn the page! I'm happy with myself most days, and some days I just want to end it all! I've been down, picked back up and beat down again! But I want give up just yet! Although the past couple of days I thought my end was near! Stomach whatever it was I don't wish it on no one! It was hell, but I made it out alive barely but alive!! Depression is a killer it can take you by surprise and when it does you don't know what to do! Monday I felt it coming on and I took double my meds, and then Tuesday it hit me hard when I found out Corey had been lying to me! But I slowly feel myself creeping back up! Lets hope he doesn't knock me down again! Cause I'm not sure ill be able to pick myself up if he does! Well, blog my eyes are running together!! Gues I better go peace

Feeling like a champ

Tonight a friend of mine listened to me rant about my father! She made me laugh and I made her laugh! It's nice to have good friends! Then missy texted me and I helped her to see that maybe it's time she go to the doc about a lingering problem she's having! I hope that she truly listens to me this time! I just hate to see my friends hurting and so many of them are! It hurts me to know I'm not in a position to help them I'm any other way than just talking to them! But I hope by talking to them it helps then out! I've been beat down to the point I felt like taking my life just to make others happy it was friends that picked me up and dusted me off! I've got a friend that's at that point now and sometimes I feel like I wish there was more I could do but there's not! One day I know someone's gonna read these blogs and think I'm the dumbest person that ever lived! But this blog is for me to put my feelings out! 

This 2nd amendment shit, gay marriage shit and all the killings are gonna make me either become an alcoholic or a druggie! I mean I don't see anyone walking In my house telling me they taking my gun away from me cause they want walk out that's for sure! Also I don't care if a man/man or woman/woman gets married hell it ain't gonna effect me one bit! And these ppl killing ppl I think if the real problem was address at an early age ppl wouldn't be so apt to kill ppl why don't you address bullying? Why don't you stop that shit mr president you fucking jackass! No I didn't vote for him first time not this time! This country was free but slowly turning to a dictatorship hell if I wanted that I'd moved to another country! Just like others did before me! All this makes no sense to me! If you think back dude used a bomb in Oklahoma to kill kids, dude in fort hood used a 9mm pistol to kill this ppl, assualt rifles aren't the problem the ppl are the problem! Banning drugs ain't stopped ppl from using them! Hell you can buy shit off the street for the right money! Ugh well I've said enough peace! Or as my friend Becky said Aidos Bitchnachos 

Friends

Sometimes I have friends to send me messages about things and I tell them how I feel or try to help them get thru what ever they are going thru! Well one friend seems to not care what I say! She just does what ever she wants and doesn't listen! Just hurts my feelings but she supposedly loves him! I don't see it! I don't see she loves anyone because one she can't love her self!! I hate that but I guess she just don't care my opinion matters! I wish her the best! Just told her that!