First tattoo

The other night after many years of considering and talking I finaally went thru with my plan of getting my first tattoo!! It wasn't as bad as I've heard ppl talk about!! Didn't hurt but just a little bit!! This morning I woke up with a sense of peace, I feel like the two women in my life that influenced me to become the great person I am was smiling down on me!! I've never been one to go with the flow I've wanted to live life on the edge and almost falling before I step back just a little!!! I've got another design in my head but I hope it's gonba be a long time before I get to put the design on paper and get it done!! I'm sitting out under the carport in my screen room thing that I had my husbAnd build a while back! It's nice day here in Mississippi!! The birds are singing and the dogs are enjoying the sunlight!! I hear a train rounding the bend and the birds keep on singing!! I feel like the greatest gift we are given daily is the gift of life! It's a gift that the lord hands every day he wakes us up! I might not be perfect nor am I a saint but then if everyone was perfect then we wouldn't be here on earth today! I've had some times when I thought that it's just too much to handle but I think about the things that others lived thru and never once said I give up!! So I keep fighting daily for the fact that I'm just like anyone else and I shouldn't give in too pain and I shouldn't give up! I've been down this road a thousand times and this time the road seems straighter than times before!! It's the path to a better tomorrow! Everyday that I wake I thank god for allowing it because you know there's no better feeling than the air we breath and the breathes that make us who we are! The feeling of belonging is the greatest feeling you could ever gain from someone or something! If you knew the way my mind thinks and the way my body feels you might see that the way of life for me is not for the faint at heart! Never does a day go by that I don't hurt somewhere, or I can't walk that far cause my legs just don't wanna go!!! If you could walk a mile in my shoes I'd gladly let you!! Never does a day go by that I don't question why me lord but I get the same answer because only the strong ones survive the enduring pain that your in!! When the strong ones become weak then it's my time to call them home!! I'm not as strong as I once was but in my mind I'm still as strong as I was a few year ago!!! Never let anyone tell you that your not worth the ground you walk on because there's no one should eve judge you for who you are or what you are they shouldn't judge you period!! Don't allow someone to walk up and tell you that your worthless cause your not! Never allow anyone to belittle you and if you do then your allowing then to conquer you when you shouldn't! Stand up for what's right in your eyes and never let you voice go unspoken and if you allow others to see you weak and fragile they will do what it takes to put you down! Stand up even if it's wrong and speak your mind to the ones that's think your useless!! One voice is all it takes to make the world a better place why don't you be that one voice the world needs!!!!!!!!!! Stand up and praise him!! Stand up for you!! I'll stand up for me and you because I feel every human is equal!!! Thanks for reading and peace!!!!!!

Time has come..........

If you not happy in the life that your living then you hold the power in your hand to change the direction your life is going. All you have to do is say I can't keep on living like this and I will not live like this anymore. As you read those words if you feel like your unhappy then change your way of life. If you feel unappreciated then don't do the things that most would appreciate and when you stop doing things for others then they will see that you was the one that helped them or made them see that they are not appreciating you like they should. Its been brought to my attention today that I've touched a few peoples lives with the things that I post on facebook. Others might see it as just another post but someone was reading it and it touched them. That made me feel great because what I write 99% of the time is from my own mind and heart. I feel it so i post it. If you like then you know that you have felt at some point in your life the same way but didn't know how to word it or say it. I try not to offend anyone but sometimes I do. This was a status from earlier today: At the time you wish that your life was better, think of all the people that are suffering everyday with something like cancer, RA, lupus, and other things! Then try walking a mile in there shoes and see if your life is really as bad as you think!! So thank god every day that your healthy!!! Have a good day all peace!!!. Several people said christy you hit home with that one.. Before that one I posted this one:Even though you might not think about it! But every little thing you do is appreciated by someone! Not everyone will say thank you but you know the one above is keeping up with the small things and when that day comes you'll get all the thanks you've missed out on hearing!! So never fear your thanks will come soon enough! Those are just a few that I can remember. But this next topic is something that has struck me as needing to be said a few times. One Voice can change the world. If your willing to stick your neck out and speak up then your voice can lead other to do things and help you change the world. With that being said thats why we register to vote and thats why we vote for the one that we think is the best .... If only you would use your voice to do that very thing then the world would be a better place. Thanks for reading my blog and PEACE 

Nice Day

Today was a really good day!! I meet up with a friend that I had been talking too for a long time but had never met!! It was nice to just sit and talk about the crazy things that goes on in our life! It was a pretty day outside and we sat out by the lake and just enjoyed the nice breeze that was blowing!! Sometimes its good to be out in nature and let the wind take away all your troubles and trails!! I've got a lot on my mind blog it's been a little bit since I've last posted and I've been in and out of depression! Ive been doing a lot of thinking when I should really just let it go!! I don't know what the future holds in store for me and it's just a thing that I can't hide and I feel like that even though I'm trying hard to live the life of a straight person! I'm not really straight! Ive been so caught up in the now that I forgot what the past looked like and what the future might hold!! I've been so taken aback by the fact that I'm still married cause at one point I didn't wanna be married but then there's times that I do wanna be married!! I'm not really sure of who I am or what I wanna be!!! I guess that Im afraid of being alone and afraid of rejection that I've stuck myself in this place!! So here I am blog just telling you what my mind wants to say!! It could be so easy to fall in love with someone that shows me the affection, attention and caring that ive never had except for the time I was with missy!! Those things are what I'm missing in my everyday life, those things make me fall for the first person that crosses my path! Those things are what I long for daily to make my heart feel complete!! I've enjoyed the times that missy and I have had the past couple of weeks, talking and laughing but I'm missing that affection! So I search for it from others and no one seems to understand me! Understand that i need it to continue on!! I got to start back in my group therapy cause I feel it was helping but I just got lazy and didn't go! My mind has been racing out of control so bad that today I as I was driving back home I almost just drove my truck off a big hill in hopes that it would put me out of mind and out of sight! I know that it's been a long hard fight to the place I am now but my mind just wanted to end it today!! I've gotten so used to the fact that I'm not the only one that has to deal with losing me!! That it's kept me from doing something like that!!! I feel that some ppl might actually be happy if I was gone!! My mom would probably be a little upset in front of everyone but then it would be good now I don't have to worry about pleasing her anymore!! It's hard to just keep on going when everything around you keeps saying give up!! Well blog it's been a long road and I hope that I can continue on and maybe I will if not its been great spilling my feelings for all to see!! Good night blog until next time!

Days

As the days pass the thoughts that consume my mind are endless!! The times I used to be proud of who I am are slowly fading away to times of hopelessly trying to make my life better for me and everyone around me! There's thoughts that I've suppressed for a while that keep me awake night after night and day after day!! The thoughts are time consuming cause they make my mind wonder to the depths of the ocean and back! I try so hard to suppress them more then something happens that reminds me of happier days and days that I counted on to come!! I miss the times that I laugh so hard that I cried and the times that I had not one care in the world but was my truck gonna have enough gas to make it to my next destination!! I dread these days that I'm in now cause I feel as if I'm drowning in my own house! I can't keep it clean like I want! I can't keep doing this it's killing me slowly!! Times are in need of a change and by that I mean it's time for a much needed vacation from the depths of these walls that consumes me day after day! I look at a piece of wall that has nothing on it cause the one that lived here took it all down!! How do I get my house back to a home from this filtyhy place that's it's become! I need help from the man I married but his thoughts and mine aren't in the same place!! Life is full of endless possibilities and those endless things are what keep me from being in the mental hospital! Ugh ugh ugh!! Peace blog until next time! My words are like the air I breathe worthless as the day is long!!