Don't allow it to continue without telling someone and making sure that someone does something about it! Seek professional help before you keep repressing it in the back of your mind! Don't allow anyone to tell you it what fathers, uncles, mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts and so on do with you! Be brave and do what you can to get help! If you have repressed it and it's getting to the point of keeping you awake, keeping your mind bogged down then it's time to seek professional help as in a counselor or someone that's trained to help! Next don't just go one time and don't stop going once it's all out and you feel some what better! Keep going keep going because there are so many things that can keep reoccurring that you need someone to listen to you! Don't give up! I thought most of my life that it was the thing that fathers did because that's what he's said to me so many times! I heard it so much that I believed it! I always thought that it was right! I did what I was suppose to do but my mother was an alcoholic and was afraid of losing that child support that she didn't do anything about it! So I just thought it was right! What more was a child suppose to think! It's sad and yes it hurts it still hurts today! 22 yrs later! I still have sleepless nights or waking up in a panic because I dreamed he was standing over me! It hurts to know that once he was confronted he lied and said he didn't do that! He still denies it but I've learned that I have to allow God to judge him and not me! I've given it to God and I've allowed him to help me ease my mind enough to know that when the day comes and this man passes from this earth that he will be judged and it'll be the happiest day of my life! Because I will never be reminded of it ever again the weight will be lifted from me and it will make me feel better! Daily I struggle to not just chop his dick off and shove it down his throat it's sad that a daughter feels this way about the man that helped create her! All my life I've done for this man just to gain some love from him! It's hard looking back at the things I've done for this man the way I've honored him and looked up to him only to really in the back of my mind know that I hate him! All my life I've looked for love from who ever and what ever would show me or give me! It's not a life that I would of chosen if I could of but it is the life I've been dealt! Sadly, my hand was bad from the beginning and it's gotten better but not best! I truly believe that trapped in this body is a man trying to escape because I've always done manly things, tried to be manly and was taught at an early age to hate men! But I chose to marry when I really should of not! At times I feel like it was a mistake but in the end I did finally find the love that I wanted! I treat him like crap and that's sad on my part and I truly shouldn't but I guess it's something I must work on! I try so hard not to allow my father to rule me but he still sneaks in from time to time! I'm so tired of living at times that I just wish The Lord would take me! It's sad that you ask to die and it's sad that you must try even though you know you won't make it to heaven that way!
This Letter isn't really a letter it's how I've learned to cope and something's about how to continue to move on!
