Christmas

Well, christmas has come and gone! Its left me hurting on the outside because I haven't had my infusion! No one cares about that! Best friend doesn't care, if she did she would of let me slept yesterday and not made me get out of house! My husband could care less if he cared he would of cooked me supper tonight like I asked him nicely too! This might be my last blog post because tonight I'm gonna end my life! If I end it then no one will have to see me hurt and want have no one to worry about anymore! They want have to help me when I need help, do things for me I can't do! And then I want say the things I say when my feelings are hurt! I want call the man I love a sorry bastard when he's really not! I want call him a low life fucker when he's really not! I want be here to tell my best friend how I feel and hurt her no more! I want be here to make them smile when they need it! Ill be but a memory in there book of memories! Which is where I want to be because that way I want have to hurt anymore! Ill never hurt again, hurt anyone again, ill never cuss the ones I love again! Ill be in the place where I need to be! Away from this place and the people that I love that say they love me! Life is just a dream and I'm not living my dream! If I was id still be working and wouldn't be saying the things to hurt the people I love! To hell with life! I'm ready to end it! I'm ready to leave this world! Good bye world its been a nice long road that I'm ready to come to an end! Peace, love and fucking happiness to all!

Birthday and thoughts

Well, I'm officially a year older! I did get to do something I've never done before! I got to see jay leno in person live at silverstar casino in philidephia, ms! It was awesome because of one reason! I was with a life long friend that I got reconnected with after many years! Its nice to find old friends! Thanks margie! We left on Saturday about 12pm or so and made it to our room on the 19th floor! What a view! Post pictures to show! First picture is view from 19th floor, second picture is my favorite slot machine which I played for 3 or 4 hours! Hehe! We got there wearing short sleeve shirts and jeans we left there Sunday morning about 1130 which was my birthday wearing long over coats, skull caps and gloves with temp about 22 degrees! And it was snowing! A first for my birthday to have snow! We headed north to tunica! We got to tunica where the temp was like 30 lol! No more snow and sun shining! We stayed at sam's town! When we got there we ate the buffett and it was delish! It has corky's bbq mmmmm good! After lunch, I went to take a nap and margie went to play! I slept bout an hour or so and then found her! I had a blast! We ran out of money bout 930 pm and decided to go to room and just catch up on old times! Had the time of my life! So relaxing and so much fun! Monday we got up and lazied around the room waiting on 11 so we could check out and go eat at a little whole in wall restaurant that I happen to see on travel channel! Its called The Hollywood Cafe! Pictures to show u! First one is oustide of building with my friend coming down stairs and second one is the famous fried dill pickles! Omg they where great! Now then I'm back home and things are back to normal! Fighting with my husband! That's life I guess! Another picture I've add is homemade sausage which corey made that I love mmmm! Also is our big boy cat begging for a hashbrown the other morning! He loves him some food! Well blog have a great week! Peace! Merry christmas!

Anniversary and other thoughts

December 6th marked the day 8yrs ago I said until death do us part to a man that has seen me so strung out/stressed out to my happiest times in my life! He's been there thru my 4yr affair with another woman and still loved me no matter what! He loves me and never let me go! I couldn't ask for a better person to be with! It took me a few years to see that he was truly the best thing that ever happened to me! Not only did it mark a happy day it also marked a sad day! One year ago I lost the only thing close to a grandfather I've ever known! He wasn't even blood! He was step but loved me like his own! Its not every day that step ppl take u and love u like there own! I miss him dearly but most of all he's much better off and he's with his lovely wife!
Sometimes I've been told I have a way with words that can make u smile, cry or get fighting mad! Tonight I posted a status update on facebook and someone said christy you have a way with ur words! My status said guard your heart with walls, guard your feelings with windows! Never let anyone into your heart without letting them see your true feelings! That's my feelings! Its the truth just as never say I love u to someone unless u mean it from ur heart! You can never truly love someone else if you truly don't love yourself! Because self love will never break your heart, never leave you hanging on to something that's not gonna happen! It'll never make you out to be the fool! It'll always be there when everyone else has gone on and left u standing alone!
In a less than 36 hours ill be spending my birthday weekend with a lifelong friend hitting up the casinos! I'm super excited, and yes I'm gonna miss my husband but its gonna be so much fun I can't wait! Well blog my fingers are bout to fall off from typing this on my phone! Good night all!

New table

Here's a picture of my new kitchen table! I love love love it!

Hmmmm

Thanksgiving was great! Got to spend sometime with my family that I don't get to see much! Life is looking good! I guess I've abandoned my blog cause I really don't have much to write about anymore! My life isn't a big mess like it was! In less than 8 days ill be taking a trip with a life long friend to tunica for my birthday! I'm excited bout this! She and I go way back! I love her dearly and would do anything in the world for her! Been many years since we've had time to spend with each other and its gonna be great! I love u margie!
I'm still hanging on to the promise I made yes its been hard, I've almost slipped a few times but didn't! I'm a good girl! But I'm also in need of the touch of a woman! I just want one to snuggle with that's all! I can't do anymore cause I promised someone I wouldn't! So if ur reading this and want mind me holding u then please contact me! Cause I'm in need! Thanks! Good night blog don't got anything else to say!