Reflections of 2009

As the year is about to come to a close a new year is about to open! I call it a new chapter in my book of life! Where do I begin, jan09 it was pretty uneventful month because I don't remember much about it! Feb09 was a hard month for me, I lost someone dear and true to my heart may you rest in peace memaw! Memaw accepted me in her family as her on, she didn't know me from adam but took me in as one of her very own grandkids and loved me unconditionally. Thanks for the memories. March09 must of been uneventful too because i don't remember much that went on that month either! One thing i remember doing in march was going to sardis lake and my mom having to have gallbladder surgery. Apr09 started my vacation season! May09 took a vacation and went no where lol! June09 I had a time where I decided it was time to cut my hair so I got it cut! July09 another uneventful month I guess! Aug09 where my life got a little rocky, I did begin to plan a vacation to gulf shores! Sept09 oh the glory days, I took last trip with my best friend ever! Got back home and lost her to lies that pushed me away! Lost a piece of my heart! Slowly picking up the pieces day by day. Its a matter of time before the heart is whole again. It might take years but, it will be whole one more time. I almost met a very good friend of mine this month. We are still great friends just have our ups and downs a friends too. where we spend a lot of time apart hardly even talking but that only makes us stronger. Oct09 when I lost someone else that's true and dear to my heart may you rest in peace aunt jeanette! Also, went to chicago for the first time in my life! Nov09 it started out ok but then slowly went down hill getting prepared for another loss! Dec09 on the 6th day I lost another person true and dear to me may u rest in peace papaw, he who also accepted me in to his family as his step granddaughter with out even saying one word. The only closest thing to a grandfather i ever knew because mine died before i was even thought of! Someone forgot we was married on that very day, someone forgot my birthday, someone didn't tell me he had me a christmas present! So I thought he forgot again! I also just about lost my new best friend to stupid shit! Its been one hell of a year! So as I reflected its time for a new year, a new me and a bright future! I can't wait! I'm ready are u? Its that time we start thinking about where we are gonna be and what we are gonna do. So im going to take this time to make this journey into the new year a bold one. Im going to put everything from years past in the past and leave them there. Thanks to everyone that has put a memorie in my mind you are now a piece of my history. If i begin today to write a book of my life so far you would be amazed at the life i started out as and the life I have at this very moment. Ive come a long ways and made it thru this life the hard way, no one knows my life unless i told you and i don't tell parts of my life to very many people. So as this year closes thanks to all my friends that stood by me and pushed me along. Heres to a new christy and a new year. If your up for the challenge in which my life holds all the time then come on and join me for the long hard ride that im about to take. Its a fast moving world out there and im ready to face it head on and not look back. thanks to everyone for taking the time to read this.. If you dont' like what i have to say then you know what i say about that. get the hell off my page and never come back. thank you.

Pondering Life

I have been pondering the thought of life every since the 6th day of December. It was a day that i saw someone take his last breath. I just feel like it was god's way of showing me just how precious life really is. I just thought that day that it was a special moment in time, and it happen on a day that is very special to me. My anniversary with my husband of 7 years. Over these past seven years Ive done things to hurt us as a couple and Ive done things to make us a a couple. Life continues on after someone passes we just have to look at it as a new angel is heaven. Life is full of choices, the ones we make will make us stronger or bring us down. Its been a long time since I feel like I made the right choice in some aspects of my life. When, I found a few good friends of mine i knew that it would be a lasting one that wouldn't ever be forgotten. We have friends that come and go, we have family members that come and go. But everyone leaves you something to remember them by. My best friend in high school is now my sister in law, my other best friend in high school has the same birthday as me. Ive made many friends over these 32 yrs of this precious life that Im living. Some have blown in like the wind and out the next day. Some stuck it out with me thru my toughest times. Never once did they ask for anything in return for the job they done. Im a bitch sometimes and im hard headed, not very easy to get along with at times. I admit I am. I'm not gonna hold back my thoughts to long. Im going to tell you how I feel then might regret it later. I might not think before i speak but you know when I open my mouth im usually got something to say about something you did or said. Never has there been a day that i haven't made someone smile. I just love to make people smile, Its my job on this earth. Im sure that people look at me and say hmmm i wonder what shes been up too. I might have shit eaten grin on my face or a frown but i make sure to smile at every one that walks past me. Never in a million years would i ever see my self as a self centered person. Thanks to everyone thats helped me be who i am today.
Now, Ive been called many things in my life from cold hearted bitch to egostical, now yea sometimes I can be cold hearted about things but i don't ever see my self only thinking of myself. I haven't bought myself something in i couldnt tell you when. I don't remember the last thing i actually paid for myself. I look out for everyone else, if i got it i want them to have it. I don't need material things to make me happy. Little things like a smile on a kids face when i pay for him a candy bar that his mother said she couldn't afford. I just can't let someone go with out having something if i have it. I was raised by a single parent and Its a hard life but look where it got me. I have a full time job, a job that i love dearly. I just don't know where id be sometimes with out all the trials and troubles that i went thru as a kid. I want to tell you all something the things that happened in my childhood have shaped me in to the person i am today. Thanks too good family members and good friends im am the woman i think i should be. I love myself, i love others. I love anyone that isn't an asshole to me first. Thanks again for reading.

he's gone

As I got the call this morning that they were calling all family in! I got there and I had already been crying! I knew before this day that he would be gone! I came back home and got corey we stopped got food and went out there! It wasn't gonna be much longer! Everyone walked in about 1220 or so then at 1228 the nurse said he was gone! We all knew that he had taken his last breath! He looked up at everyone and with out a dry eye in the room! No one could even look at him without crying! He never once complained about being in pain! Its been a day that I I don't think ill ever forget! He went home on my anniversary! I never thought that it would of been 2day but it did! I spent it with many tears and lots of good family! With out them I don't know how I'd made it thru it! Thanks for all the support! He's with memaw now! They are walking hand and hand! Thanks papaw for the memories!

never give up

That's a phase that I hold close to my heart! I was told alone time ago that I should never give up! Now I've been blessed over the years with people that have helped me to not ever give up! There's been many times in my life that I wanted to give up but never did! When you feel down the first thing you want to do is give up or give in! We all do it! Its human nature! I've come to the conclusion that life is too short to hang around waiting on a miracle! Althought I know they happen everyday! I learned the hard way that friends come and go quickly! But, when the friend that came and went sent me an email telling me shed had a stroke! I felt a little guilty cause I could of caused it! But over time shell get better I just told her in the email reply to never give up hope! Cling on to it forever! An old friend of mine one time told me to pick up my feet cause tomorrow was a new day and I'd need them shoes to do a lot of walking! Little did I know that tomorrow has really come true! I do a lot of walk all the time! I miss my old friends! Some come and gone but none are ever forgotten! I've made many friends, people I call friends and true friends but some come in like the wind and they gone again! True friends stay for the long haul thru your tough times, sad times and most importantlt thru you angry times! Just a friend is someone I call that comes in for about a month or so and is gone again! Everyone that I've ever called a friend has made some kind of impression on my life! It might of been something they said or did! Mostly people do things that I remember the most! Its been a long time since I've had a true friend that I could trust with my life and they wouldn't do anything with my life! The only one that could is gone! But, life is precious its time for me to quit thinking about the future and living for the present! Past is history, present is now and future may never come! But never give up hope that oneday the future might be here! So with that said never give up on anything in your life! Never give in to pain, or suffering! So take this blog and do with what you want! I'm sure you might rethink somethings! Just never give up hope! Its never to late until its gone! Good nite! I'm food deprived and sleepy!

wow!!

You know sometimes in life we just never know who we are gonna meet! Who might need our smiling face to cling on for one more day! I feel like sometimes I need every waken moment with my friends that I have! We never know when it might be there time to go so cling on as long as you can! Life is a precious gift and I cherish every moment with them! Thanks kiersten for standing by me for all you've done! Its been a true blessing for you to come in my life! Thanks to my family for truly standing by me for ever! You've been a great tree to lean on! Thanks! I love you all! With out friends even the ones that are gone we still have to thank them to for showing us something! It just wasn't meant to be that your not in my life anymore! Just like the sun, friends come and go to fill a purpose! Thanks to everyone! Good nite blog! Its been a wonderful day! Wow!!!

where do i begin

There's things in my life that I've kept from many people! How do u tell someone the things that happened in ur life that they have no idea about! But, right now I'm at a time in my life that I have to think about somethings! Its just gonna take the time for my body to come to terms with my thoughts! When my body says its ready then ill be ready! Ill find out a lot over these next few hours, days or months who really cares about me and who's my true friends are! We don't know until something happens and you find out! I hope and pray that love will keep my head a float! Thanks to the true friends that are willing to stand by me! I love u all! Thanks!

y am i still living?

Sometimes, I ponder that very question! Right now I don't know how I feel! I'm hurt, upset and loved! Being called stupid by someone that once said the loved me hurts, being called it by the person that's stood by me thru a lot hurts worse! I've be called stupid all my life by someone or somebody! Once you hear it enough you begin to believe it! Maybe that's y it hurts so much! I just don't understand how anyone can call anyone stupid! I might not be the smartest person in the world but I'm not stupid either! The thoughts of suicide have flooded my head and then I just think you know that's really stupid of u to do that! She I am stupid! Life is hard when u lose friends, family and even lovers! But, I learned the hard way you must pick up the pieces slowly or else its gonna cause more trouble! Just how I feel at this moment! Thanks for listening!

life!

Nobody told me life was this hard! I just don't understand why the smallest things in life cause us so much heartache and pain! I don't know about you but death is heartbreaking! I had a good day today, inspite of the rain it was good! I feel like that she was look down at me today crying with me because it was pouring down when I got there! Aunt jeanette was a very good woman, lived a fairly decent life! Just living like she had no cares and didn't really give a damn about what she said! I feel like I need to get a few things off my chest! I feel like today it really hit me! It really made me feel like I didn't want to! I kept telling myself that it just wasn't true until I actually saw it! I'd like to take the time out to tell a special person to me thanks! Kiersten, it meant the world to me that you was willing to go with me! Thanks so much! I'm sleepy so gonna close this blog! Good nite!

saying good bye

Its the hardest thing anyone would ever have to do! Its not easy to say it when u have the chance and its really not easy when you wasn't given the chance! Tomorrow I'm traveling back home with my new friend kiersten to say good bye to my aunt! Its not the way I want to but its the way I have too! I miss her dearly, when I moved away in 2001 it hurt her more than it did anyone! She knew I needed to go better myself but didn't want me to go! Its not until they are gone that you have all these should ofs, could ofs! Its little things like the time corey couldn't remember her name and called her gredty! She laughed we laughed! The last time I talked to her I said that to her! She is probably told everyone in heaven about it! Shell see Me there tomorrow and probaly look down at me and say there's that damn christy! Finally found the time to come say good bye! Big city living done got to her! I love you aunt jeanette! Your the aunt that I always looked up to! Gredy, never think that I didn't love you cause I did! Well, its bout that time that I close this blog! I'm crying and need to have my butt in bed sleeping! Good nite! Love to all!

sometimes in life

Since the last time I wrote in this blog I've had a death in my family! Unfortunatly I was at home when she died so I didn't get to say good bye! The one good thing that has happened is that I have gained a great friend! I love spending time with her, she makes me laugh! She makes me smile and forget about all the bad happening in my life right now! Thank you kiersten for helping me out of the slump that I've been in! Without you I'm not sure that I'd still be pushing on like I am! My family, you and my facebook friends have supported me so much that I'd never be able to rethank you all! So thanks to all for the loving support you've given me! Kiersten, you came in my life at a rough time but you helped me thru it all! My step grandfather is in the hospital with lung cancer! So I'm trying my best to make the best of it and not think about the death that's about to happen! I don't want him to go but I feel like he's ready so I'm ready! Good nite blog! I love you all! Thanks kiersten I love you too! Thanks family and friends! I love you all too!!

friends

Over the past few days, I've come to really enjoy the time I've spent with my new friend! Its been so nice to have someone to talk to! Someone to listen to my feelings! Its been a true blessing that she came into my life! She's helped me move on without looking back! Now, times are tough for us but that's life sometimes! I've had to pick the pieces of my heart up! Its still scared and probably will always be! Thanks! You've been a great person! Thanks for the time we've had with a few drinks! I love beer but it don't love me! Well good nite blog! I must roll over now!

weak

I'm weak, I'm tired of fighting a losing battle! I feel that I can't continue on! I lost my best friend to lies and now I must move on! With good support from my family and friends that are true then, I'm slowly picking up the pieces! My husband is great! I thank god every day that I found him those 7 yrs ago! Its been a rough 7 yrs but we managed to hang on! No one ever said life was easy, no one said life would be a dream! I love u baby! Your great thanks for it all! Your a wonderful addition to my family! All things get better with time! It heals all wounds! But, corey is telling me to put that damn phone down and go to sleep lol! Cause my blackberry is my life! I told missy well u have be offically deleted out of my life! Me and carol laugh cause its true she was! My blackberry doesn't bare nuthing to remind me of her! Love to all, peace to all! And to all a good night!

time to move on

There comes times in our life that we just know its time to move on past something that is holding us back from doing something or getting something we want! So this time has come and I'm ready to move on! I'm just tired of hurting, tired of pushing on! I've decided the thing I'm moving on from is this thing they call RA! I'm tired of it ruling my life! Its taken all its going to take out of me! I'm going to push it out the door! I'm fixing to start back riding my bike, and doing things to keep the inflamation down! Might even lose some weight in the process! But anyway that's my thoughts good nite all! Thanks for the support!

rip mamaw

RIP Mamaw

Memories fill the spot in my heart u left open!

Time heals all wounds but it never heals the scar!

Scars last forever, they might scab over but never fully heal!

Thanks for the precious moments we had! Without you in my life, no telling where I'd be!

My heart still has a piece missing as does everyones heart! I never let anyone try to patch that hole up!

No one on earth can replace you, nor can they take away my love for you!

I need you now more than ever! But when I need you I just pray! Love you mamaw! Miss you dearly!

gulf shores

As I sit here on the back ledge over looking the ocean! I hear the waves crashing into the shore and the wind blowing the huge palm tree in front of me!! Its the soothness sound I've ever heard! I didn't realize until I was sitting here how sweet the sound was! I never want to leave but its back to reality! Yea I'm a little drunk as I write this! But the feeling of alcohol running thru ur blood is great feeling! We get things done we didn't know we could get done! I just packed all my bags and cleaned the whole condo up! But I don't wanna leave!

Another Poem(deep thoughts)

Before you read this blog. I have been depressed lately. When im down i write like im blue. I seem to write better when im down and out than i do when im up and happy. Do you think that its something telling me that I need to move on. Its not meant for anyone right now. I just had to put my feelings down on paper.

You never know until its to late

As I sit here thinking about the moments we had,
the times we spent together.
I never thoughtthis day would come that I would say goodbye.
I didn't realize it until it was too late,
i never thought you would ever leave me,or betray me.
I know that I have hurt you.
Its never to late to tell someone how you feel,
its never to late until they are gone for good.
Then its too late, no turning back.
You never will know how much I loved you.
Cause you never gave me a chance to tell you.
Maybe one day you will see that I was the only one
that still loved you and wanted to keep you here!
I maybe gone in your life but your still here in my mind.
The memories of us plays thru my head constantly,
hoping that one day you will come back.

angel in hiding

Angel in hiding
By Christy
As the morning mist
Slow rises from the water! I see a face that looks familar!
I keep looking the more I look I see her wings! She's watching me but behind the misty air!
I keep stare as I begen to see her slowly fading!
I look up to the sky and said lord if that's my angel you sent to watch over me then why did she leave so quick?
Lord replied, christy, she never left you just can't see her! If I tell you her real name then I wouldn't b able to keep her watching you!

Thanks for takin the time to read this I know it needs some work but its just my thoughts! Thanks!

"To the world you are one peson, to one person you are the world"

That pharse is so true, its a saying that so many people have never heard! It says a lot bout a person just by putting a few words down in a sentence! In this world I'm just like everyone else I'm just a human! But to a few people I'm there world! I'm their rock I'm their shoulder and I'm their ear to hear! To other people I might just be someone that's easy to talk to! By many people just in this past week I have been told that I have a huge heart that's constantly yearning to give something! A customer told me the other day that he loved me cause he always knew I would give 110% if and when he asked me to do something! He also said christy ur a good listner and got a heart of gold! Never does a day go by that I don't feel welcomed by someone! More people love me than I will ever know! From old men that are lonely to old women that are stubborn and sit in there ways to my mom who I love dearly but don't show it like I should and to someone like carol that just needs tech support on hand for all her technical issues! Love you carol Can't leave out corey he demands more of my heart than I probably give him! Love you baby! Next is my best friend missy, don't get me wrong we have had our ups and downs but thru it all we managed to keep one thing and that is our friendship! Love ya girl! Sometimes life isn't what we think it should be but when it gives us a kick in the butt what do we do! We keep on trucking along! Ok everyone, its time for me to close this blog on a happy note! One day soon I'm going to feel like a new person not hurt, not want nuthing or not need nuthing! Thanks for the love and support!

for the better or worse

I have been told I'm a good person, good listener, and just an all around good person! So do I continue down this road! Or do I just give up! At times I feel like that my personality is greating me a little worse than I'm ready for! But do I stay the christy that I am or do I try to change! I just don't know right this very minute! Do I let go or still hold on? We always want our cake and eat it to! So maybe I have ate my cake and now I'm ready to try a new piece! I'm going to let it all go to GOD he is the only one that is going to make me better! Good nite!

we learn many things in life

A friend called me the other day and just wanted to talk! She told me that she had met a guy online and this guy had told her all the things we woman want to here but didn't tell her he was married until she had almost left her husband! When she met this guy her and her husband wasn't on the best of terms! She almost lost her best friend in this little ordeal cause he had set up an account on gmail that looked like her account and made her best friend believe it was her! She finally saw thru him and realized what he was really! Then she called me today and during this time he caused her a big cell bill! Cause he didn't live in mississippi! So I guess we all can learn from this that if the story is too good to be true then you need to look past them and see the inner truth! Just like my friend did! So then think bout it before you lose everything you have! Thanks for a lesson that I'm proud I didn't have to learn! Good night

my own poem

These words are straight out of the horses mouth. I was laying in bed one night thinking and thought you know Christy you have an ability that is hidden. This is my own poem and you can tell me what you think and what i need to do to make it better. Just a rough Draft. So im open for suggestions.

Friends by Christy
Friends come in all shapes, forms and fashions!
Some last, some go but all make a lasting impression on you!
Friends hear you when your sad, angry and hurting!
They stand by you thru it all!
Never leaving your side cause that's what friends are for!
Friends are gifts from GOD to cherish, hold and even teach us a lesson or two!
We never know when we might lose them!
GOD just puts them here for us to grow!
Thanks for being my friend!

Tell me what you think?

how much more can i take

The saying that GOD only puts as much as he thinks you can handle! Well, right now I feel like he has put me to the test to see how well ill handle it all! Right now the things on me is this: Coreys dad went in the hospital on friday for chest pain! He thought it was just heart burb by what he had eaten! Well, it wasn't he has had another heart attack! I prayed that he would come thru it all! Everyone around me has prayed for him! Thanks! I'm here to say that GOD does answer prayers! Today he went into surgery came out with a stint and one that was cleaned out! I felt a sigh of relief when corey called me and told me! Only to hang up the phone and get another call from my stepmother carol that she was headed to the hospital with my dad! I laid my head on the counter and asked GOD what have I done to get all this at one time! My dad is losing blood and not sure where its coming from! I'm feel like that he is going to be ok and all this is just a great test from GOD! I'm a strong willed woman and I'm going to make it thru all this with a better understanding of what GOD has in store for me! Its just a test that I guess we don't ever want to have to take! Thanks to all my friends and family! They have stood behind me thru it all! Maybe one day ill be able to stand behind them! Thanks! Love you all! Tomorrow is infusion day! So ill be on cloud 9 tomorrow! Thanks to good meds!

thanks to good friends

I'm sitting outside in the cool breeze that has made me feel like a human again! I've taken somethings for granted of this life time but then don't we all take things for granted? Well one thing that I cherish the most in this life is the good friends that I have made of this life time! Last night I got to see first hand what good friends are! I was invited to a kindergarden graduation party for a special person that I don't even know that well! But I have seen him like other kids grow up thru pictures! Its amazing how much a person learns bout someone thru a photo! Its also amazing how much we can fall in love with a person and they never know what the truly mean to you! I love my good friends with all my little pea picking heart can love them! Thanks to you all and you know who you are I have made it thru this life with a big heart and an open mind! So as I sit here and listen to the sounds of nature it just makes me feel like the person I want to be! Never have I told anyone this but right now, I'm tired! I'm hopelessly floating around with nothing holdin me down! The ra is killing me dearly! I just feel like giving up like I have said before! But I'm truly not a giver upper ill fight toe to toe and eye to eye with what I feel is what christy wants! Hope you all have a good day! Talk later!

happiness

Can be found many different ways! Some find it by drinking, playing video games, or even just have a conversation with someone! As I said earlier in a blog that I was looking for something! This weekend I found it! Happiness is what my body was longing for! I found it doing what I love that's fishing! Now I'm asking myself if that's what makes you happy then why don't you do it more often! Or maybe try to find it somewhere else! The computer adds a little happiness in my life but I feel it also cause a few problems in my life too! Now its time for christy to figure out what else can make me happy! I need to figure out how to make christy happy! I feel like times I'm losing everyone around me cause I'm not happy! But that's part of life! Good night world! Tomorrows a new day!

have you ever?

Felt like your body was searching for something that you can't seem to find? Well, this very moment in time I have that feeling! I can't tell you why I can't tell you what nor can I tell how I'm gonna find it! Bút what I can tell you is that we have learned many lessons in life that have taught us something for greater than anything else in life can! I feel like if I could just fly away to an unknown place away from the world, phone, computer and finer things in life I might feel like the person I need to be! I'd find the time to search my heart, soul and every inch of my body for the answer I'm looking for! The other day I had the pleasure of having supper with a very couragous woman who has is fighting a battle that most people will not ever have to indur! She fighting breast cancer! Thanks to you nita I can feel proud when I say that I have met a person that doesn't care what people think bout her hair! She makes you look at her and say that's a strong woman to go out with out a wig on or hat on and be who she wants to b with out any cares to what people might care or think! Thanka Nita for giving me the strength to care on when I might want to give up! Its just a matter of searching for that person you wanna be! Thanks for the support and the caring that will come! Its something only christy can find! Good night world!

.................................. never ending..............

I have a love for somethings that seem to never end. Then i have hate for somethings that come so quick that I forgot that i even hated them. With that being said, I have a love for friendship, fishing, my husband, fishing, my family, camping, fishing, my job(some days), and fishing. Out of all the things I hate the love outways them all. Thanks to the friends in my life, I have overcome some much need things to overcome. They have stood by me thru it all. The biggest supporter has been of course my husband. He has supported me when, he could of walked out of my life. But did he No.. He stood there and took the abuse that I threw at him and kept on walking. Missy has been thru some abuse over these past three years that no one in this life should have to ever go thru.. Thanks to you both. My family has seen me sad, happy and even to the point i just want to give up. Yea my mom has been thru a lot of pain staking years of my life. But she too supported me thru it all. Thanks mom.. My dad on the other hand has been there in his only little way. He has been there in my thoughts and has helped me become a strong woman. But thanks to you too dad. Now, some friends i have made have seen me at times when i have been the best person i possible could be. Then some have seen me the total bitch that i am. I can be a bitch and I know..... But, the one thing that makes me the happiest is Fishing, i can't tell you why but then again i know why. It makes me feel free, i can be who i wanna be with out any judgement at all. I can be who i have longed to be. Thanks to the world of a fishing pole. Its what i want and its what i feel makes me the happiest. But i wanted to take the time to thank the people that have made a difference in my life. thanks for the support the pain staking times i have given you all. thanks for it all. Thanks for helping me out of my lowest points in my life that I can possiblly be. thanks.. thanks for it all. Well, i have to get in bed and the cats are fighting and one is peeing on my side of the bed and im about to kill them both. gotta change sheets one more time.... good night world. and good day to you..

The Gift of a Friend

Sometimes, i get in the mood to find things that explain my feelings at the time.. Last night I sat up part of the night thinking about we all know when Christy thinks its not a good thing. I was thinking about my grandmother. So today I took a little time to put my self in the life of my friends, I feel like that I might of failed a few of you as a friend but then gained a few of yours trust and respect. Thanks for that. Im not as hard on myself as you might think but life is great when it all works out ok.. So to all the people out there that i call my friend..


The Gift Of Friends
by Karin Schaefer
There are days whenbubbling from us comesthe innocent child within,who giggles at the little thingsand wears a silly grin.There are days whenmelancholy comes tovisit for a while;the mind feels tired, the body weak;we have no strength to smile.There are days whenjoy abundantgrabs a hold of you and me;wraps us up in all it's splendor,lifts us up and sets us free.There are days whensorrow wraps usin its cloak of grief and fear,'till our hearts ache to the breaking,'till our eyes can't shed a tear.There are days whenlove bestows uswith its wonderment and light;with its beauty and its mystery,its power and its might.And there are days whenlife rewards usand seems to make amendsby granting us a marvelous gift,the precious gift of Friends.

If tomorrow never comes

If tomorrow never comes... thats a might big title for such a little mind of mine right now. I have never really sat down and told anyone but oh maybe one person. Rhonda, what i really want if i never wake up. But she might not remember it cause it was many many years ago. I have told missy a time or two and maybe even corey but not sure if i told anyone else. But here it goes. if my tomorrow never comes then please don't let anyone cry over me. Im just like the next person. I'm better off now than I was then. So if you want to cry then don't do it over my casket please. cause you might make my make up run. And girl if my make up runs then it ain't gonna be prutty up in there. Id have to whip someone's you know dairy aire.. Can i get an Amen! Well, Tomorrow is a never ending day. It could be tuesday of next week, i could be next year or even in 10 yrs. but, tomorrow is getting closer and closer for some like my poor friends husband that just passed away. She was so heart broken today when i saw her that it almost made me cry. And you know when I cry I boooooo hooo like crocidile tears.. Looks like i just lost my only friend in the world. Yep he is gone too.. Rest in Peace Micheal Jackson. Buddy you will be missed my friend. Lots of people didn't know but i met him one time in real life. He was a kool person. Just so you know.. Hes not all the bad stuff that you think. Well, if you believe that then Im dolly Parton.. lol. I might look like her with my big Kahunas but i am. I don't have all that money she got. What would I do with it if I did.. Hell, might just give it to you all.. Wouldn't you love that. Not.. If i win the lottery then im going to spend it all on baseball cards and vintage yellow m and m stuff.. like the 7 packs of mandm's corey is dying to get in too. but oh know they are collectors items. one of a kind. Transformers.. can't beat that with a stick. I know im just rambling but you know what i say about that. its my darn blog and if i want to ramble i will. if you don't like what i have to say then get off my page. Amen.. I had my infusion the other day so late night don't mean nuthing to me. I can go and go and never sleep until that day i get so tired i just pass out where i stand. Gotta love Steroids.. No wonder them baseball players love it. Wonder if i could take me some more steroids and hit me about 300 homers.. wouldn't that be the talk of the world. Girl from tupelo, ms done went and got all jacked up on steroids and walked all over you guys hitting homer after homer. boy would i live up the fame.. lol. Id be like MJ living the good life. Couldn't you see it now. Me on the front cover of every news paper in the world and ppl stopping me to get autographs. Lord if they could read my handwriting would be a miracle. cause lord knows i can't write. can i get an amen? I wasn't blessed with good writing skills as you can tell. all them run on sentences and adverbs and adjectices all out of place. i didn't learn nuthing in school but how to eat some square pizza with ranch dressing and drink me some boxed chocolate milk for every meal.. miss them days. thats why they call me the Fluffy girl. lol. Im not fat just full of air.. If i ever blow watch out ill blow mississippi clean off the map.. we'd be sitting in cuba right about now or some where else, but don't you know id feel so much better. cause a good ol fart is just good sometimes. well, good night everyone out there in this world. maybe tomorrow will be better.. ill feel like eating the side of the house.. oops done that today..

birds chripping!

As I sit here in my back yard and listen to the birds chrip! I'm reminded of the simple pleasures in life! The freedom we all have the friends we have made along this journey! This leads up to something that I just realized today! Today was the last day I got to work in the same place as my friend! She means the world to me I love her dearly! I know its not the last time ill get to see her but its the last time in forever I get the time to spend with her at walgreens a place that formed our friendship 5 or 6 yrs ago! It has put us both thru a lot of stress a lot of heartache and a lot of back breaking pain! She will be retiring on next thursday! I'm on vacation that wk and not gonna be there for the final goodbyes! But she understands and knows that I'm thinking of her! It amazing what a little friendship can do to a person! I call her momma cause she was just like my mom telling me I needed to do this and that! But time goes by so fast that we better enjoy every minute we can with who we can! Thanks to her I have learned a lot of things I might not of learned! She's one of a kind but never to be replaced in my heart or mind! The birds and the sound and smells of summer make me want to quit my job and do what I truly love to do! Sit in a boat in the middle of a lake somewhere! But I have a house to keep and a duty to my country to do! So, as I sit here and pounder lifes treasures I want to thank you all for taking the time out to read! Sometimes I feel like I just need to tell the world how I feel! This world we live in today isn't anything like the world that I grew up in! The hate crimes where low, the abuse to children wasn't as bad! No computer, no cell phone, none of the finer things in life we enjoy so well! Well, the sun is setting so I need to get off here and maybe enjoy some iced southern sweet tea! So to everyone reading this let's get out and smell and hear the sounds of summer fresh cut grass,birds chriping, wind blowing! Good night all and good day to you too!

birds chripping!

As I sit here in my back yard and listen to the birds chrip! I'm reminded of the simple pleasures in life! The freedom we all have the friends we have made along this journey! This leads up to something that I just realized today! Today was the last day I got to work in the same place as my friend! She means the world to me I love her dearly! I know its not the last time ill get to see her but its the last time in forever I get the time to spend with her at walgreens a place that formed our friendship 5 or 6 yrs ago! It has put us both thru a lot of stress a lot of heartache and a lot of back breaking pain! She will be retiring on next thursday! I'm on vacation that wk and not gonna be there for the final goodbyes! But she understands and knows that I'm thinking of her! It amazing what a little friendship can do to a person! I call her momma cause she was just like my mom telling me I needed to do this and that! But time goes by so fast that we better enjoy every minute we can with who we can! Thanks to her I have learned a lot of things I might not of learned! She's one of a kind but never to be replaced in my heart or mind! The birds and the sound and smells of summer make me want to quit my job and do what I truly love to do! Sit in a boat in the middle of a lake somewhere! But I have a house to keep and a duty to my country to do! So, as I sit here and pounder lifes treasures I want to thank you all for taking the time out to read! Sometimes I feel like I just need to tell the world how I feel! This world we live in today isn't anything like the world that I grew up in! The hate crimes where low, the abuse to children wasn't as bad! No computer, no cell phone, none of the finer things in life we enjoy so well! Well, the sun is setting so I need to get off here and maybe enjoy some iced southern sweet tea! So to everyone reading this let's get out and smell and hear the sounds of summer fresh cut grass,birds chriping, wind blowing! Good night all and good day to you too!

Something to think about..

Sometimes things happen for a reason. Like when your born its for a reason, God wanted you here on this earth to serve a purpose. No one knows what their purpose is until we see the message from God above. I wanted to take the time out right now and post a blog of things that have been traveling thru this brain of mine. I know your thinking oh my what might Christy say now. But anyway, Here it goes. Sometimes we get caught up in the little things in life and never stop to thank the ones that have made this life alittle better. We just seem to keep on going thru this world like no one else is standing there. Sunday is Mother's Day, a day to thank the women in your life that has made a difference. My mother means the world to me, she might not know it but she does.. Back in April of 2001 she lost her only best friend, her mother. She went on to heaven to be with GOD.. She is in a much better place now, but that doesn't mean we don't miss her more and more each day. So, on mothers day she has no one to thank for the time to still be here and for her up bringing.. She doesn't get that chance to say Mom, I love you! But, the ones like me that still have our mothers get to do that. Just sometimes life makes up go thru it so fast that we forget to say it when we need to say it. So someone created a day for everyone to say I love you.. Now if we did this everyday, do you think we would have to have a day like mothers day? No, but that is when you need to take the time out of your busy schedule and pick up the phone and say Hey, Mom you know what, I love you more and more each day. Thanks for being my friend and raising me right. With out you I don't know where i would be today. Maybe in jail or prison or even dead. But, your the one that keep me out of all that. thanks for being there for me. Now with all that said, i'm going to move on to another thought that has really being waying me down. This life we live in we come in counter with several different people. Some we call our friends some we just don't call them anything. I feel like that we need to stop from time to time and say thanks to the friends that we have had over these years and tell them how much we appreciate them.. Some of them might of forgotten you or never thought about you since High school or your first job. But that person did make a difference in you or you wouldn't even know there name right now. I know your all saying what is she talking about. We all know someone that we might of met that has made a difference in our life. Whether it be a coach, just someone on the street. Someone you have come in contact with has done something to make you proud or to make you wake up and smell the coffee.. Either way, we need to take a minute each week and thank them for making a difference. Just think of the times you might of made a difference in someones life and never knew it.. Ok, off to the last but not least thought.. If you dont do nuthing this weekend please do one thing for me. Smile, say thank you to someone one that has made a difference in your life, and Tell your mother you love her. Whether she be here or in heaven. Take a few mins to say Mom, I know your not here with me or if she is here pick up the phone and call her and say. Mom, just wanted to tell you that your the best mom in the world and you mean the world to me. I love you! Not everyone has the chance to do this. There are people out there that might not know their mother. But some woman in their life has made a difference. They need to tell her thanks. I have a stepmom that yea sometimes we don't see eye to eye but she has taught me alot of the years. If you have a stepmom tell her you love her to.. cause i know she has made a difference in your life too. She might of been a B doing it but look at you now...... So, I'm done talking. my fingers are about to bleed, not really but good night all and HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL THE MOTHERS READING THIS!!!!!!

hello from sardis

Well these days we all have to think bout our future! But as far as I'm concerned my life is great right now I'm doing what I love to do! Fish and camp thank god for the pretty weather today and hope for some tomorrow! I did catch a nice fish today and hope I do tomorrow to! But right now missy and her family r on my mind! Keep them in ur prayers as they deal with thia bad news! Hang in there missy remember I love you like a sister! Keep ur head held high! Wish us luck tomorrow!

I'm so behind..

Its been since March sometime. Its the freaking end of march and I haven't blogged almost all month. What is up with me? I guess I'm just to busy to think about getting on here. I don't have some news to tell all. I have been fishing and gotten beating by my husband several times. I guess I don't know that the hell i'm doing in the fishing world anymore. He can throw the same darn thing I am and i can't get crap. Not nuthing but hung up in the darn weeds or trees. it just doesn't make any sense to me. But i don't have a picture i would like all to see. Its not my fish im holding but I will put it on here anyway lol.. Just so all you know in a few weeks i will be going on vacation. I'm so excited I could wet my pants. lol. Not really.. I'm just being funny. I'm waiting on my husband to get home with me some candy. I'm about to pull my hair out waiting on him. I need candy and I need candy now.. Just kidding. But I do want some candy. I'm a little down and out i have gained some more weight. I lose it all then gain it all back. I don't tell anyone when i gain it cause i feel like a freaking fool for gaining but you know then i sit here and eat freaking candy. that is me.. I love me some candy.. As my mom would probably tell you that I have loved candy all my life.. But, anyway, i got my candy. this blog is about just a lot of darn rambling.. I don't know why i do it but i love to ramble on about nuthing. I was told today that I talk to fast. Well, i guess i'm just a fast talker in my old age.. lol. well, good night all. and enjoy the picture of my holding corey's fish. It weighted a whopper of 5 1/2 lbs. he caught it on a crappy(aka crappie) jig.. Not even a freaking bass lure.. I love fishing.. i also want to add a picture of me being bored at work the other night. I hope you enjoy.. The one in the red was at my computer desk lol..

Long time no see

Well, its been about 10 days since I got on here. I don't get on here like i should. I guess I need to keep you all updated on the way things are going with me. I was off this past weekend and we tried going fishing again. How many times do i have to tell my husband i'm ready to go somewhere where there are fish. I guess what i'm saying isn't sinking in to his darn head. But anyway. We didn't even get a bite or a fish all day. I'm so tired of this crap i could literaly scream. But that is beside the point. I guess everything else is going pretty good around here. We have finished up the house. I'm so excited the kitchen is all done but the tile. When we get it all done we will have it all done. But you know a little bit down the road for that. corey isn't doing it all his self this time. He said he was going to hire him a cheap mexican.. lol.. considering that his cousin is married to a mexican.. lol.. Well, I started monday a long work week. 10 days to be exact. I'm so tired and today is only the 3rd day. what will i be like come next thursday.. hmmm... well, i'm tired and can't think so im going to bed talk to you all later.. sorry this was so short and sweet....

Let it snow

Well, its the first day of March. I had to go to the doctor the other day cause i had this rash thingy on my back that I didn't know what it was and it itched like a you know what. But anyway, I went to the doctor and guess what he told me. I had a case of shingles. Look at me now, never had them before didn't know what the hell they where and I go them.. Aint that just lovely.. Well, they hurt kind of bad at time but me and lortab became closer friends. I was taking them round the clock to stop the pain. Well, Now i think they are spreading across my stomach. I just feel like crap.. But, Its gonna get better. Just takes time. Nothing really going on other than all day yesterday they keep saying, its gonna snow and I told everyone we they was crazy it aint gonna snow. Well, low and behold I woke up to a surprize.. It had snowed. I got pictures I will add to the slide show for all to see. It was very pretty.. My babies really had a good time. Bella thinks its the swimming pool she gets her head in it and just slings it around like its water. Boomer on the other hand doesn't really care what the crap it is. Just let me pee on everything to mark my spot. Well, that is all i have to say right now. I'm going to get up and let Brody have the computer. We are sharing a computer right now. And my router isn't working for another computer to be on it. I'm tired of this interent right now i could scream but anyway Hope all will enjoy..... Watch Slide show on blog page for pics.. and i will add a few here..

its been awhile

Its been awhile since i sat down here at the computer and blogged. Lets see where to begin. Since I was last here, I went to the ER, had my infusion and deconstructed the kitchen only to put it all back together. Well, I week ago this sunday(tommorrow) I was sitting here at the house talking to Missy on the phone and playing with some baseball cards that I brought home from missy's house. A pain hit me in my left side and made me feel like i was going to throw up. It was a pain that I had never felt before in my life as far as that I never want to feel again. I went and laid down in the bed in hopes it would ease up a little but it didn't. I called corey crying and he told me he was coming home to take me to the ER. Well, he finally gets here and we are off to the ER. I get there get signed in. Corey is having to stand cause their isn't anywhere to sit only standing room. I over heard the sign in woman tell someone else that the wait was probably about 7 to 8 hours. I was pissed but the pain had eased enough for me to go back home and take a pain pill and go to bed. So I did. I told corey to come on and lets go home.. I was so tired and wasn't about to sit there no 8 hours. Well, corey thought I was trying to pass a kidney stone or it was moving its way to my bladder. I don't know but I do know it hurt like hell.. I don't understand why the freaking er has an 8 hour wait. Damn at all the places in this place to get medical attention they all close at 5 on sunday night. That is stupid in my opinion. But they want to charge you an arm and leg to go to the er.. But anyway enough about that. I'm better now. I don't know what happened but i'm still living and breathing. Had my infusion the other day and it went well. I feel much better now. Might be having little babies soon. I think that my sweet little bella might of got hung up with my mean baby Boomer. I guess we will know soon.. I might be a grandmother soon.. LOL... I sent a text to my step mom and told her that they might be grandparents again soon. She told my dad and he gave her a look like what the hell are you talking about my baby girl Christy is pregnant. When she told him it was the dogs he just said oh shit your kidding me. I just laughed my ass off. I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever heard of.. Well, anyway. I will keep you posted on how things are going. I'm really tired and ready for bed. So good night all.

A Day On The Lake with The Hollands!

What your about to read is something that is in every issue of bass masters magazine. I just wanted to take it and put it in our day of fishing today. I hope you enjoy.. Maybe you will understand it all. I have a picture that I have on my phone to show you what i looked like lol..

We arrive at Lake LB about 8:05 am we are towing a GIII Bass boat rigged with motorguide trolling motor with Hummingbird Electronics. We put the boat in the water, Christy pulls the truck up and parks it. Corey is waiting by the dock on her to get in.. She gets in, we crank the big motor and zoom straight across the lake to the cove directly across from boat ramp. Corey is using a Mitchell Spinning reel on a Shakesphere rod with a Crawdad color Bandit crankbait on it, mean while Christy is using a Axiom Reel with a Shakesphere rod throwing a Rage Tail white grub. It skips arcoss the water no takers here. Corey doesn't get any takers either. Wind is blowing out of the North like a huricanes coming. Water is white capping a little, Its kind of Chilly. COrey tells Christy that maybe we should of put our over coats on. Christy replies i thought you said it was suppose to be 70 today. I didn't hear about no wind advisory. Did i miss that report. Corey just chukles and keeps on moving up in the cove. Now he is using a Abu Gracia Reel and Rod throwing a Zoom Fat Albert Twin tail grub. No takers. By this time, christy is a little disgusted and has picked up her quick trigger spinning reel and is crappie fishing. No takers on it either. Corey cranks the big motor and we slowly move further up the lake kind in the back area a little. Christy kind of looks like a foreign person all bundled up like its cold out here. Hmm, the water temp is about 44 degrees. Temp out side feels about 44 degrees.. We make it up the lake and Christy is still using the Rhino bait caster with a Bandit Crankbait. Purple back with a white belly. She said she just bought it. No takers on it. Corey is fishing a little bit of everything. BY this time its about 10o'clock. No fish yet. Not even a bite. Christy said to hell with this lake there ain't no fish here. She said she hasn't caught a thing here. Well, the wind is blowing us around like we aren't even sitting here. Christy suggest that we go back up to the levie and troll for crappie. No takers on it either. Corey is frustrated by this time and says how bout we just go home and park this damn thing and go to the boat and RV show. christy reminds them they don't have the money. Sounds like trouble is brewing. We troll around a little more corey picks up and we drift up by the boat ramp. Corey is throwing a fork creature on his bait caster. No takers on it. Christy is bored. They finally decided its time to go. No fish here. Inconclusion I think that the wind was blowing to hard and the water wasn't quite warm enough for the fish. Corey and Christy tried everything they could but no takers. When I asked them did they want to tackle this lake again they both agreed they would wait until it was a little warmer. and make sure the wind wasn't blowing 20 to 30 miles an hour. In all they had a fun day just doing what they love. That is fishing.

the day that hurts the most

Today was very hard for me as a person. I lost something that held a special place in my heart that can never be replaced. She wasn't my real grandmother but treated me as if I was her own. I haven't taken the time out of my busy life to go see her one last time and now it hurts more than ever. The next time I see her will be her lying in the casket. Its hard to lose a family member but even harder to lose one that wasn't even kin to you but by only marriage. She was a strong woman with a heart of gold. Never in a millon years did I expect to hear my stepmother on the phone to tell me that. We never know what God has in store for us until its to late to take back what we can't change. Please add her kids and family to your thoughts and prayers. Thanks memaw for all the memories that you allowed me to have with you! I love you and miss you already! Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Happy Birthday Mamaw Faye

Tonight, some of the Palmertree family got together and had a little supper for my grandmother's birthday at Malone's Fish and Steak house. I had a good time but the temptation of fish was getting next to me. But i did great and only ate my steak and part of my tater. I felt like a new woman sitting there. I thought that I fought my cravings really well. It was kind of hard but I did it. I really enjoyed the time with family cause we don't ever get to see each other more than once a year. Mostly around christmas when I'm working and can't get off to attend. Sometimes I do it on purpose only because I don't have a strong relationship with that side of the family like I do my mother's side of the family. The Palmertree side are kind of reserved family, that we all do our own thing. Not really sure anytime growing up that we had a big gathering. It was great to spend that time with her. She turned 83 and I feel like I don't even really know her that well. Like my other grandmother I feel like it was a piece of my heart was taken away. I'm not sure how I would feel if mamaw faye passed away. I'm pretty sure I would be a little devasted but can't tell you that I would feel like I miss her that much. Only because we don't have a great relationship.. You know sometimes we have to cherish those moments where we do have a few seconds with them. That is what I kind of did tonight. I cherished the moment that we spend or the time that we had. It was great. I was very proud I could be a part of it. Wishing that my brother and sister in law would of came but it was kool we all have our own lives now and we all do our seperate things. Over the years she has favored more towards a certain set of grandkids. It wasn't Scott and I. But, that is ok cause they lived closer to her than we did although we where just about 20 mins away. Its kool cause life goes on.. Every grandmother has their pick. Maybe its the first born grandchild or what have you. Not sure what the reason is. But i see it all the time in retail with some of my customers who now have a new grandbaby. Once the new has wore off you can tell they favor the first born one a lot more than the new one. But that is life i guess. Cause really in truly although I love my babies to death. I still favor more toward Boomer than Bella. I wouldn't give anything in the world for them. I even cried like a baby when Boomer had to have his eye removed. It really hurt me. Well, That is part of life.. Thanks for reading my blog about nuthing. Just a little rambling.. I love to ramble.. LOL..

Things we take for Granted! REVISED!!!!

Sometimes in life we take the little things for granted in hopes that they will never leave us, not realizing that they could be taken away in matter of minutes. Like people walking by with a smile while looking at you or even speaking to you with a simple hello or hi. I work in retail as you all might know by now, I have several older customers that just walk by to say hi. Its things like that that we sometimes take for granted. I also think that times we take people for granted in hopes they will never break our hearts or move on with life. My best friend in high school and I decided when we where in college that we need to go our seperate ways and try the world out own our own for various reasons. She is now married to my brother and is my sister in law. Life can be trying at time but then God has a way of putting things back together in one way or another. We just have to take one day at a time. Corey and I was fishing one day, saw a little boat just sitting in the middle of a river. I took that little boat and put myself as its brain. Just to see what It would be thinking if it had a brain and was human like. Just when you think that you have something figured out God lets you know really quick like that he can change your mind in a split second. I guess that I feel this way because of the way I was raised. It isn't a bad thing or anything like that just that I didn't have my mother and father together and didn't have a stable home so to speak. I had to live from paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes kids take their parents for granted I think. Letting them give them every thing they ever want and never seeing the real meaning behind having a job or fending for theirself. Parents can also take their kids for granted some times too. The expect them to do everything for them. Such as give them money cause they don't want to work or cause they feel like they need the money for various reasons.Life itself can be taken for granted too, like when people get on a motorcycle and try to do stunts in hopes the bike doesn't tilt or fall over. Life isn't something that you should take for granted. Life is a very precious work of art. No one knows the meaning behind God taking someones life away from us. He has his reasons, we just don't know them. Then we really don't understand why God lets certain people's lives be spaired and the person beside them die. Life should never be taken for granted, its a work of art and hand created by our Lord and Savior. As I sit here typing this out I feel like that life has thrown us a curve ball one more time. We have to deal with the world the way it is and the way the economy is. Are we going to have to live life one day at a time to see how things go. I believe the world is coming to an end, for various reasons. THanks for reading!

Scary feeling

So, where do i begin.. Today was a little more productive than yesterday. I didn't do anything yesterday. Today, I got up and cleaned up the kitchen with husband, cooked breakfast ate it and got ready to go to his mother house to eat lunch. We waited on his little brother to get here so we could get the day bed loaded up and taken to her house cause he is moving his stuff in here with us. We got the bed loaded and over to his mom's and she had us a some lunch cooked mostly left overs but it was great as usual... It was great... We got the day bed unloaded an in his room there and got all his beding stuff loaded up to bring here. He had to go to his friends house to get a bed frame and a dresser thingy.. We get it all loaded up and head back to tupelo. its about 530 or so.. We get home the boys get it all unloaded and put in his room. We head out to lowes, we walk around a few mins look at faucets for the kitchen cause ours is about to bite the dust. Its leaking everywhere but still usable. So we find a faucet for the bathroom cause its out of date and needs a new facelift just like the whole bathroom does... Which Brody his brother has painted and its looking better. We buy it and some door handles for the cabinet doors in the bathroom get it all checked out and heading out the door. Corey's phone rings and its a number he doesn't know but he answers it. Its his father's roommate on the road where he works. He is currently in Louisana working. He the roommate has taken Corey's dad to the hospital cause they thought he was having a heart attack. We get the number to the hospital and call his mother but can't get her.. So i tell corey to call his other brother to see if he knew where she was at. she was with him. They where leaving the movie theather here in tupelo. So corey tells him to come by here well the stupid boy thought he said to go to his mother house. When i finally make my husband call his brother to see if they know anything yet and they do. he has a really, realy bad case of pneumonia.. Which is a great relief cause i didn't want corey to go thru what I went thru with my father and the heart surgerys.. We was all scared for a minute. But he is going to be ok i think.. He is in the hospital and doing ok now.. We just talked to him. At this time we aren't going down there but might be in a few days just pray for him and hope he has a fast recovery.. and pray for betty corey's mother cause she is here in mississippi and he is in louisana about 5 hours away.. its going to be a long next couple of days. Just keep us in your thoughts and prayers. thanks..

love to all and god bless
Christy

Remembering my Grandmother

Today was a day that for some reason I thought about my grandmother more and more. I have been a little down in the dumps these last few days. Not sure why but, I blame it on the diet that I'm on and stuff but not really sure if that is what is or not. But, I layed down for a few mins less than 5 mins this afternoon when I got home. Corey got me cause some girl was selling something for the band at the high school and I got up to see what it was. After that I opened up the fridge and saw the boston butt that i had bought the other day to make sausage. We make our own sausage cause it cost less and its a little better for you. We was making it, got it ready to be rolled out so we could cut it into little round circles. We were sitting there cutting them out and something just struck me. I kind of blinked out a little and I could see a vision of my grandmother cutting out biscuits. It just made me smile. I just sit there just watching as i cut them sausages out and thought about her telling me how to do it. i loved to help her make biscuits cause I knew they where going to be great. When we was done i just sat there for a few seconds thinking about her and missing her so much. She was the sweetest lady i know. I miss her more and more every day. I wish she would of been here to see where i am in life right now. But the good Lord above thought it was her time to go back in 2001. She is missed dearly around the holiday season. I miss her for what she always made me. Lemon Mergrine Pies, mmmmm good but sooooo much fat.. I could eat the whole darn pie and not think twice about it. But, that was before I set my mind to eating right. Well, I thought i would just share this little experience with you. She was great. Miss you Mamaw and Rest in peace I'm enclosing a picture of her for everyone to see. Love you dearly...

My mother's day gift to my mom.

Definition of a Mother from people who write the Dictionary....
A mother is a biological and/or social female parent of an offspring. In the case of a mammal such as a human, the biological mother gestates a fertilized ovum, which is called first an embryo, and then a fetus. This gestation occurs in the mother's uterus from conception until the fetus is sufficiently developed to be born. The mother then goes into labor and gives birth. Once the child is born, the mother produces milk in a process called lactation to feed the child; often the mother's breast milk is the child's sole nourishment for the first year or more of the child's life.
The title mother is often given to a woman other than the biological parent, if it is she who fulfills the social role. This is most commonly either an adoptive mother or a stepmother (the biologically unrelated wife of a child's father). Currently, with advances in reproductive technologies, the function of biological motherhood can be split between the genetic mother (who provides the ovum) and the gestational mother (who carries the pregnancy), and in theory neither might be the social mother (the one who brings up the child).
Now this is Christy's Definition:A very intelligent woman that took the time to raise me and mold me into the person I am. She took me by the hand when I was young so I wouldn't run out in front of a car and get ran over. She held on to the back of my first bike when it was time to take the training wheels off. She made sure that I had everything I ever needed. Whether she had the money or the time. I never wanted for nuthing. She is the one that took care of my boo boo's i might of had. She kissed them and made them feel better even in real life it really didn't make it feel better but to a kid it did. She is the one that I always wanted to make happy. She is the one I look up to when I'm down. She is the one I call when I need a friend to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. Life isn't a bed of roses, that is what Mom's are for. Sometimes, Me and mom have had our ups and downs but who hasn't had their ups and downs with their moms. Today is her day to make her proud. Today is a the day that you make her feel like a queen. A mother is a great person and with out her we wouldn't be here where we are now. For many years, my mother played the role of father and mother. She was both and still is most of the time. So, I ask everyone if you don't do but one thing today. PLEASE CALL YOUR MOTHER AND WISH HER A HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY. If your mother happens to be in Heaven then call the next woman that you know is a mother. No matter what you know someone that is a mother. Tell her it too. Don't let this day pass and you don't wish some woman a happy mother's day. I have friends on here that are mother's that I have never met but I took the time to send them a comment and telling them that I'm proud of them. Thank them for the service they provide to you and this country. Thanks to all my MOTHERS OUT THERE. Thanks for all you do.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY AND HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU!

Father's Day Letter.

This is the letter I wrote to my dad. It made me cry the whole time I was writing this. I hope the ones reading this will realize how much my dad who wasn't there for me much really means to me. He wasn't there but I never lost the sight of him loving me. Enjoy
Happy Father's Day Dad. I know that over these years I haven't been one to show you how much I love you and neither have you really. But thru it all I knew you did. You knew I did. I hate that I didn't wait until today to give your stuff to you but. I've been having some long days at work and yesterday I was feeling pretty good. So that is why I came over last night. I'm very very proud of you and what you did all those years ago. It makes me so proud to see you wearing that hat.. I know you have been looking for one and I couldn't pass it up. The shirt just fell right in to my hands too. Well, you will never know how proud I am because there isn't enough words in the dictionary or this world to express my proudiness of you. Dad your more than a father your a man of honor and diginity. Your rank high in my book of heroism. I have always thru my life growing up talked about how much of a hero you was too me. Dad today is a day to honor you. I have never really thought about writing you a letter but I just couldn't express it face to face with you because I'm crying now. I feel better sitting behind this computer writing this and letting you read it later. Dad is written in the dictionary as this: "A man who help give birth to a child whether it be a daughter or son. A man that was the ruler of the house." Now, I'm not sure that is actually the way it was written but that is the way I read it. Now Dad Christy version of that.Dad: A man that is there to shelter you from the storm, to hold you when your hurt, to love you when your down, to listen to your problems and tell you he doesn't know what to do. A man that has been a great teacher in this world we live in. A man that proudly served our country long before I was thought of. A man that in my eyes really never did any wrong although in many other's eyes he did. A man that would get up and push his self to go the extra mile. A man that I looked up too and always wanted to join the army because of him. A man that i have had my ups and downs with but never lost sight of how much he loved me. A man that never gave up on nuthing until it was finished. A man that I call my dad with pride. I wouldn't let anyone tell me any different than what I have just sat here and wrote. I know your thinking damn christy what is all this for. Well, dad they always said you was to honor you father on fathers day so today i'm honoring you with all my feelings about you that you might not ever known. Dad, I have a few more mins to say a few more things. I'm so much like you sometimes It makes me laugh when I think about it. I'm stubborn as an old mule, honorary as an old wet hen, and bashful as I don't know what. There are times I see you in me in so many ways. Don't get me wrong I am your daughter and I guess that i have the right to have a little of you in my huh. well, Dad its that time for me to get my butt up and get in the truck and go to work. I hope that this will make you proud and remember I'm proud of you. I have also ordered something for me that I wasn't going to tell you about until it came in but here you go. I have a shirt ordered that says "I'm a proud daughter of a VIETNAM Veteran". I will wear that shirt with pride and nuthing but pride. I want someone to say something to me. I will whip there ass and make them eat the words they might think about saying. Well, dad the time is here. I LOVE YOU! More than words can ever express. As, I close, Thanks for molding me and making me to this person I am today. With out your help I wouldn't be a fighter in a good way. I wouldn't be pushing my self to get up everymorning even though I hurt so bad that i want to lay there and die. I wouldn't be where I am today without your help dad. THANKS and may this day be as great as you are. I hope you have a great day.. Make the best of it. An proudly wear that hat and shirt with the upmost pride you can possible have. You deserve every minute of pride you have. You also deserve every ounce of that a boy's anyone could ever give you. So heres to you. That a boy.. Way to go Dad you did a great job. I love you.. Talk to you soon, Your Proud Daughter....

Life is just a dream

Life is just a dream..
We live this thing they call Life.. Why is it called life? I believe its because we are breathing humans that age every year. NO one ever said life was easy. They didn't say that Life was gonna be great and grand. They didn't say that it was going to be the way we want it. My life isn't the way that I had dreamed it to be when i was a kid. We all said when we was a kid we wanted to be something. Well, I can tell you my life is far from what I dreamed of as a kid. I would be as unhealthy as I am. I would be over weight, have authuritis. I always wanted to join the army like my dad and go fight for our freedom. I didn't do that. Then, when i got out of highschool i was going to nursing. But when I got there. I changed my mind. I decided on computer related field. Look at me now. I'm working at retail store in the photo department. Making far less than I would of been if my life long dream would of came true. Since my childhood days. I have came along with other dreams for this life i'm living. I will tell you all of them on my top ten things to do but not number one. If i told you that I would have to kill you. 10. Go see the Braves play at turner field. (already done this one). 9. Go watch every baseball team play at there home field. 8. See Eli in person. 7. See Eli playing at Giants Stadium. 6. Visit every state in the united states. (already been to 8 of 50.) 5. Visit Austrila 4. Go to atleast 2 forigen countries (not including austrila can't spell). 3. Meet the President of the United States in person.. 2. Visit the Vietnam Wall with my father. 1. can't tell you. Looks like my life is going to be very busy. When 2 -9 are done i will tell you what number one is. Well, I don't know what your thinking by reading this. But, I don't want anything from anyone reading this unless they want to help me do some of these. Now, Don't think i'm looking for pity from anyone. Because I'm not. Just writing some thoughts down on paper. Is that a bad thing. I would hope not. I think that is what bloggin is for. Well, good bye all.

2009......

Well, where do I begin. As you all know I started the biggest losers challenge at work. This past Monday on Jan. 19, 2008 was our first weigh in. We are weighing in every 2 weeks. The first time I weighted a the start of the contest was unbelievable. I kind of had an Idea how much I weighted but didn't really know for a fact. I'm very ashamed of the fact but, to get over it I will tell you what it was. I weighted 320 on Jan. 5, 2008. On Jan. 19, 2008 I weighted 308 that is a loss of 12lbs. I feel great with those 12lbs gone. I'm very proud of myself I actually set my mind to something and I’m going to do it come hell or high water. I'm sticking to this. I told Missy and Corey both that at the beginning of the year I was going to try to lose some of this weight. Maybe it will make Arthur feel better. Maybe I will be able to work more than a mile and not have to stop every few mins to catch my breath. Maybe then I will be able to wear smaller clothes. My ideal weight is 176. If I get down that low then I will be a skinny minney. But hey im taking one goal at a time. It will be to lose 8lbs now then, I will work on maybe 260 or so. Then I will just keep going. The challenge ends in May. I will need the money you win from this to buy me a new wardrobe. Well, thanks for all the people that have been behind me supporting me. I'm a type of person that needs that little bit of encouragement. Well, enough about that.
Other things that I want to start doing in 2009 that I might not of done in 2008. I'm out with the old and in with the new. Its a new year and I’m going to be a new me. I would like to dedicate my life to the lord. I have been walking down the wrong path this past year. I feel like the world end is coming soon. I want to be part of the group that goes marching in first. I don’t' want to be here on this dead earth when all my family and friends have gone. I want to do a lot more camping and fishing this year. I want to be outdoors more. I want to be out there where I feel free and it makes me happy. I Love the outdoors. Its very peaceful. Well, sometimes I wish I could quit my job and start bass fishing for a living. I have asked Corey to be on the look out for me a boat that I could take to the lake when he is at work or I just need to get out on the water. I can’t unload and load the big boat. I need one that Christy can handle. Next I’m going to try to be a better friend to everyone that I have been friends with. I’m not going to go out of my way to get someone to talk to me. If you want to talk to me then you know my number or know how to get a hold of me. I’ve been trying to be a person that shows everyone that I’m here if they need me but when I need them I can’t find them. That isn’t what friends or for I don’t think. I just need to take care of Christy and not worry about everyone else. Let them figure it all out on there own. No missy I’m not talking about you. I will be receiving a text message or call as soon as you read this to want to know who I’m talking about. I would like to get out of the house and do things that I haven’t done in a long time. Like go to a bar and have a drink with some friends or just by myself. With out anyone trying to tell me how bad it is and how much they wish I didn’t do it. I’m not going out every freaking night. I just want to do it every once in a while. I’m sorry that drinking doesn’t interest you but you have got to understand that sometime I just need something to take my mind off things that has happened in my day or life.
Also, I would like to try to call my mother and family more. I know they know I love them but, I don’t talk to my mom as much as I should. Nor do I talk to my father who lives less than a mile or so from me. Its been I couldn’t tell you how long since we talked. But that is part of life. I guess.
I’m going to also, not buy things thru out the year so when Christmas time comes around there isn’t anything under the tree for Corey and I. We haven’t had anything under the tree in 2yrs cause we manage to buy them thru out the year and don’t even celebrate Christmas. I want to put my tree up this year and try to get back in the spirit a little. But working in retail is the hardest thing to do. Corey and I need to start spending holidays just he and I. Family is nice but for the past 7 yrs of our marriage we haven’t ever spent a Christmas at home, or thanksgiving at home. Christmas is just another day to us. But really it isn’t. I want it to be a time for he and I and our babies. Well, now that I have put all my thoughts out on here the least you could do is comment or at least blog yourself and tell me what your plans for 2009 are. Well, I hope that I didn’t bore you to death, if I did then I guess you aren’t reading this part huh. Cause you probably stopped some where way up yonder. Good night and all…..

I have posted a picture of the old me. I will continue to post pictures from time to time to show you the new me.

Lonely or Not

Another post from my myspace page that I thought would interest some people..

I was reading a friends blog and a thought crossed my mind. I needed to get it out. Where do I begin? Well, I will just say it. Here goes nothing. While my husband and I was fishing this past weekend, we went up in to a cove where there was a water fall that allowed a little no name lake to run in to the Tenn-Tom Waterway. In the middle of this waterfall was an old boat. I was thinking while I was looking at it. Sometimes in my life I feel like that boat. Lonely or just not wanted. I feel like that I’m just standing in this world alone. Does anyone else feel that way? We have at some point in our life felt like that no one wanted to be our friend or talk to us or for various reason not like us. We might not ever know the reason why they don’t talk to us or don’t want to be our friend or just don’t like us. That boat was just sitting there not even moving. I’m pretty sure who ever put it there probably had something it to keep it from moving. When life feels like that we aren’t wanted anymore. What do we do? I just kick it in the butt and tell it to leave me alone. LOL... Today, A friend and I that I work with was talking about her not getting married before her father passed away, she asked me did I feel like that I would be upset if something happen to mine. That is kind of what I thought of when i saw that boat. Does he feel like he is just standing there alone? Does he ever think that he isn’t alone out there in this hetic world we live in? Don’t know what goes thru his head but I guess its something. Another thought that crossed my mind the more I looked at that boat was. I feel like, sometimes, I wish I could sit out in the middle of the lake and not drown. Maybe I need to be that boat and let everyone look at me. What would they think? What has other people thought about that boat? What would people think about me? What if it was me sitting there would they ask me if i need anything? Would they even try to get me in the boat with them or would they just continue on with there marry way. Not even thinking about what i’m doing... The name of my friends blog that I was reading was the Beautiful sunset in Memphis, Tn. I love to watch the sunset because it is so pretty. Some days I wish I lived near the ocean or even a lake. I have always wondered what the sunset on the ocean or lake would look like..
Does it ever cross your mind what life would be like if we was a flower, bird, or even that lonely boat in the water? Please feel free to message me hottytoddy77@gmail.com. When I die I want to return as a bird so I can see what life is like for them or even a dog so i can see what my babies think when I put them outside in the middle of a rainstorm or when its cold. Well, thanks all for taking the time to read my blog. I don’t know what blogs are really for but I feel like they are for what ever i choose to put in them. Thanks again..
Love to all, and to all a good night.

Life with RA(Rhumotoid Athuritis)

Sometimes in life we just have to set down and put our life in to prespective. Well, tonight was a night that I felt like I needed to put my life in to words. I have been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA). If you don't know much about it let me give you a little background on it. From what I have found out it effects parts of your body such as your knees and hands. I have it all over my body. Its in my knees, elbows, and hands. It keeps me from bending my arms out straight, and my knees stay swollen all the time. I have a few fingers that I can't even straight out because of the RA. It takes a toll on your joints. Well, I have been thinking sometimes that I just want to lay down and die because it hurts me so bad to move. Tonight I came home from work and went straight to bed. I was hurting so bad that i laid in bed and cried because i can't keep on going on like this. I try not to show it to much when i hurt really bad. But sometimes i just can't hide it. Soon the doctor wants to do the RA infusion on me to see if it will help with this problem. I was taking shots every other week and they didn't do nuthing for me. So if your reading this i'm not looking for a poor christy trip. I'm just spilling my guts out because it makes me feel better to get it out in the world. I know that you will all understand that maybe. Well, I'm off to bed again. I'm pretty sure that I will be there all day tomorrow since I have worked 3 days in a row and was off since last friday on vacation. So if you are reading this and know my cell number you can send me a text and i'll text you back when i get it. It not i will try to get on here sometime tomorrow to check out my messages and such. talk to you all later.
Good night all.

Welcome To Tupelo! Funny!

I hope you enjoy this blog. I had it posted on my myspace account but i have now expanded for other people to see what i write..

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Toop-uh-low"
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Tupelo has its own version of traffic rules... the truck with the loudest exhaust goes first at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. (Note: Blue haired ladies driving anything have right of way anytime.)
3. To Find anything in Tupelo, it is required that you know where "crosstown" is... assuming of course that you don't have a 40 minute wait on a 20 mile long train when you get there. To find "crosstown" just look for long lines of thousands of cars backed up at a stoplight.
4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00.(Time Kidd Kraddick in the morning is on). The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. To go anywhere late on Friday afternoon you will need to drive a bulldozer.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
6. Construction is a permanent fixture in Tupelo. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night by the street department to make the next days driving a bit more exciting.
7. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, pallets, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, sofas, cats, pieces of other cars, opossum, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, recliners, rabbits, crackheads, and cows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
8. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated".
9. The minimum acceptable speed on "45" is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is North Mississippi's version of NASCAR racing. Seatbelts and helmets are required.
10. Never Honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. Don't Do it.
11. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55 -65 zone you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
12. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.
13. If the days have finally cooled down to 90 degrees, Halloween's not far off.
14. If it's 10 -20 degrees and sleeting/snowing, then watch out, Tupelo residents consider this "demolition derby" day and will be all over the roads (front ways, back ways, etc.). Please proceed with caution as you could be their next target. Watch out they are headed to Wal-Mart for bread and milk.
15. Never say anything negative about Elvis while inside the city limits. Never. You can prance naked down the middle of Gloster Street and get away with it... But dissing Elvis could land you in jail.
16. My Own statement: When It rains watch out. Tupelo residents will try to kill you and they can't drive.

My Grandmother RIP

But back in April, 2001 she was called home by our father. That was the hardest day of my life and probably will still be the hardest day. You know you see people that are lying there about to die and you just keep telling your self that she will be better off once she is home for good. I never once told my self that she wasn't a great person and she didn't deserve the best that was in stake for her to come once she got home.
Sometimes I just sit and think of the things that we did. I can remember many times that she would get me up at 6 am and go pick blackberries and be home by 11 so she could watch her soaps. On January 9, 2005 she would of been 81. The life she lived is one that I cherish day in and day out. She lead a life of a true southern woman. She didn't see the person by the color of the skin but the person that was under that skin. I have had times in my life that I wish she would of been here to see but you know I know she is watching over me and just saying that damn christy want never change..
Well, Pauline your right I want. She is one hundered percent right.
God I love her and miss her more now than ever. I got married back in December 2002. Just a little over a year after she passed on. It was a day that I always told her she would live to see. But God had other plans for her. They where good plans though she never has to suffer anymore nor does she have to live in this hell of a world we live in. Not that this world is all bad but just that there is more bad than good. You all will agree.
Well, Pauline Nelson Langham you will always be in the heart of many as the woman who made the best carmel cakes this side of the border. For all of you that know me really well, will know that she was the love of my life for many years.. Now that she is gone she will be remember and I will still love her til the day I die. I have found a great man that is here to fill the space that she left opened. He isn't going to fill the whole space but just the part I need him too. There isn't anyone that can ever fill a space of someone that has gone on to be with the lord. No matter how hard you try there isn't a time nor a person that is going to take up that space.