Time for change!

Haven't blogged since I lost my son I felt it was time! I've been reading a blog about a woman who at the age of 35 admited to herself and others she was a lesbian! I'm not saying that I'm bout to divorce my husband because I'm not! I love him dearly with all my heart! What I am saying is that its time for me to make a change in my life and quit hiding behind the trees and face the world as a happy bisexual female! Either you love me for me or u don't! Its up to you! I can't make you nor am I gonna push you! I will not stand around and let someone talk bout gays/lesbians/bis/trans because we are just like you! We put our clothes on just like you, we eat the same food you do, we wear the same clothes you do! What happens in our bedrooms isn't any of your business! Do not ask and you want ever hear! Thank you! Enough about that! The other change I'm gonna make is what my husband and I eat! He has to lose the weight and I can stand to lose a little 2! The hard part is that I'm on predisone which makes me hungry! Little known fact is that weight loss is a lifestyle change! It takes courage and determination! Next, you know its hard losing an animal its like losing an aunt, uncle, mom or dad! But, I know he's better off! Next, I've had a really hard time fighting back emotions for a person but its getting easier because I know she's happy! She's in love and that makes it a little easier! Once you cross the friendship/sexual line then its really hard to go back! But we both are happy and it makes the transition much easier! I'm not gonna say that I don't love her sexually cause I still have a love for her! No doubt! Just like with your first love you will always have some sort of feelings! Its human nature! Its in our blood! But, the one I'm talking bout is reading this I hope she knows I want nuthing but the best for her and I'd never do a thing to come between her and her gf! I'm not a home wrecker when they are happy! Now I can't say I wouldn't try if they wasn't happy! But, missy girl you'll always hold a key to my heart! You and I shared lots of times just remember your my best friend! I'm here for you and you be there for me! Girl, I love you and hope you and michelle (who) have the best life possible! She makes your face light up and that makes me so happy! Never forget you got a lifelong friend in me! Thanks for everything! Now dry your eyes! You know u gotta read this to me! Hehe! Good nite blogland! Peace!

RIP BOOMER HOLLAND

As I write this blog out I have a very heavy heart that got ripped clean from my chest when we had to put my best friend, son and best dog a girl could ask for to sleep! He stole my heart 7 yrs ago this month and he never let go! The little things like the train going by and all the dogs barking tonight they didn't bark not one time! The memories of him flood my body just like if I'd lost a human family member! Its so weird him being gone! When I came home he wasn't waiting at door on me, he wasn't wagging his tail wanting in when I let bella in! He wasn't standing in his cage wanting me to pick him up! He just wasn't there! @928 am he went to sleep @ about 930am he took his sweet little breath! At that moment my heart shattered in a million pieces! I've yet to find them all! @650pm we laid in down in his final resting place! He's now in his favorite spot that he liked to lay! He's truly missed by so many and so many loved him dearly! Maybe one day ill find all the pieces to my heart and begin to put it back together! Until that time I know he's in doggie heaven and now I have another angel watching over me! Boomer Holland, buddy if ur seeing me write this out just know mommy and daddy loves you! I've cried until I don't think I can cry anymore! Its time to go buddy! I miss you and love u little man! My little one eyed monster! Your my best friend, son and compant that anyone could ask for! Lifes not the same without you! But buddy, just watch over me, daddy, uncle brody, granny, nana, poppa, mimi, papaw, aunt missy, and last but not least heather! Watch over us buddy as we make our way thru this world without our best friend! Watch over the other ones that loved you as well! Ones not mentioned in this blog buddy you know who they are! Thanks for great memories and the best friend I could ever ask for! You knew things that I possibly couldn't begin to tell anyone! You knew before I could tell a soul! Buddy, the trains coming thru, I hear you barking right now! Your wife bella misses you more than I could possible know! She misses chewing on ur little ears, trying to get you to play even when you didn't feel like it! Buddy oh pal I love u and may you have the best life possible now! No more nasty dog food, no more nasty flavored treats, buddy your in heaven and I'm sure you've got the finest things! More places to to mark ur terroritory than ever thought imaginable! Buddy, run wild and free and mark every thing you can! Mommy and daddy truly miss you! We love u son! Good night and have a great life with the rest of the doggies and mean ol cats! Buddy, I can't close this blog cause there's so much more to say but I have to! Daddys got supper cooked! Ill make sure to save u the bone!

.1.1.1.1.1

As the words form in my head and my fingers type them out! Its hard sometimes not to think bout the things you could of done differently or said at the right time! I've got list of things I'd change if I could but you know I can't so its no need in writing them down! Life isn't made up of easy roads its made up of hard streets! Never take anyone for granted because that person will be the one to hurt you in the end! I feel like I'm married to this disease that's taken my body over as eminems song goes I'm taken control bitch I'm serving u with divorce papers because its too late to go to the other side! I've served my time! That's how I feel! Although I can't serve my body with papers or push it out my life because hell its my body! I'm gonna ramble like always its just the way I talk! Tonight, I went out for the 2ms! Mexican and margaritas! Its like u can't have one with out the other! I'm no alcoholic but I do enjoy drinkin occasionally! Yea when I drink I get a little tipsy! Wow! You know your mind isn't right when u drink so I let it slip that this girl in the restaurant was sexy! My hubby didn't care that I said that! But damn when a womans pretty tell her because if you don't then her self esteem will get low to the point that she doesn't give a shit! That's me! I could care less what u thouhgt about me! I'm fat, fluffy and fucking proud of it! Yep that's me! Don't need anyone to tell me I'm all the above! Well blog as I said before these words on this page is useless as can be! Peace out biatches!

worth nothing!

These words that fill this space is worth nothing to anyone but me! Its worth lots to me because it gives me the time to clear my head of all the jumbo mumbo that fills the wide open space between my ears! These words are worth nothing but if the right person got a hold of my work I might have a book written! Have u ever felt like someone wrote about you! Most bloggers think their stuff is worth nuthing just like me! I'm a hopeless, helpless blogger with no ryhm or reason and its chalk full of nothings! Sometimes in like we often feel that life is worth nuthing! It could be because you lost your job, family member or just a friend! It can make u feel worthless! I know trust me, I speak with cofindence and expertise! Life is what you make it, I've tried to make mine as worthling as possible but at times I feel like I'm worth nuthing! Its truly amazes me everytime I reread the things I've written that the things I write are worth nothing! You don't know how a person feels unless you have lived their life! Until then just remember we are worth something! Worth nothing is useless words that cause pain, drama and lives hurt! Well, bloggers that's all of my worth nuthing words that I have to say to fill this page! Just like my head the space is now worth nuthing!