Water, Fish, Lure, Crickets

To some fishing is a sport, to me fishing is a time to be one with myself and to give my mind time to work out things that need working out! Today as I sit in the boat in the lake I had time to be me and enjoy some of what is given to me daily! It's a time that I don't feel the pain, I don't care about my looks, I don't care about who sees me! I don't feel like giving up! It's a time that I have no feelings about much of anything! It's also a time to look back at how far I've come and think about how far I gotta go! Although today I didn't look ahead and say damn I got a long ways to go, I said Thank You a Lord for helping me to get this far! I looked back on where I was a year ago and saw that person that I'd become and then I looked further back and saw the person that was raging and the person that was plowing down the world one word at a time. I saw that person today and I looked that person right in the eye and I said back away devil I shall not walk that road again. I finally stood up to the devil! Standing up is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! I've always lived by If I've got it then you can gave it but it's time I take a stand and stand up! I was challenged today in my mind to take the life I had and compare it to the life I have now! The comparisons are so far apart that it's hard to tell if there was really a life in between! I was walking hand and hand with the devil himself, no doubt in my mind he was pushing me to be that person I was and when I stepped off that wagon and joined hands with The Lord I've realized this life is far better than the last life! So I challenge myself daily to walk a little closer with The Lord! And I will not allow the devil to take me down the dark alley and betray to me as the right path! Also today allowed me see that I am still here because I didn't give up! I'm still here because it's not my time to go, I'm still here to inspire others that being strong isn't just psychical strength but it's a mental strength and a emotional strength as well! With out those two you might not see that your stronger than your weakest moment! Be who you are and don't be afraid to dance in the rain! Peace,love and happiness! 

"Don't look up!"

As I'm reading this book of inspiration one story was don't look up at how far you have to go but look back at how far you've come! As most that read this blog can see from my other blog post I've come along way from where I was! And I was always looking up and thinking I'll never make it! Well, I'm not where I really wanna be but looking back I've come so far that I'm very proud of my progress! I still have a journey to continue on and I'll still have more steps to take but with each new waking hour I know I'm one step closer to the goal I've set! Depression can literally kill a person it takes away every little bit of hope, life and joy out of you with out you really knowing it! Really you know even know it until sometimes it's too late! Luckily I had a good support group to help me see that I losing ground and that I needed to seek help! With out being able to go to someone that didn't know one thing about me and telling her all about me has helped me to see that I am someone and I am the person I wanna be! No I'm not saying my depression is gone cause that's a lie! But what I am saying is that the demons that controlled me has lost control and I've taken my life back out of their power! It feels good to stand up to the demons and show that they no I longer control my mind, my body, my thoughts or my actions! When I realized that the very people that brought me into this world was the ones controlling me and that I had every right to stop it and I did stop it made me feel like the queen! As I continue to grow and enjoy the new life I have I'll always look back and say you've come along ways! Sexuality is still a temptation that I have sometimes a hard time controlling but I can say that I've not had sex with a female, kissed a female since like December of 2012 or jan of 2013 can't remember but it's been well over a year and no I didn't get a reward no I don't need a certificate but as a recovering alcoholic would say every day sober is a better day than a day drunk! Every day living on this side of the fence is a better day than living on the other! I'm tempted but when I'm asked or tempted I refuse to give in! I've turned my life back to the Man that died for my sins and the one that bears the sins of us all The Lord and savior Jesus Christ! As I try to grow spiritually I try my best to continue to live for me and grow for myself! I don't miss that life of lies, secrets and regrets because now I have nothing to hide and never will again! Living another life outside my marriage was the hardest part of my life! It put all the gray hairs in my head and it made me feel like a raging bull in a china shop! It's sad that I tortured my husband, my family and even the ones that I was messing with! But with my life going the way it's going now I feel much better about who I am! "Don't look up, but look back!" My new motto! I'll never look up the hill I'm climbing but I'll always look back and say wow you did it! Peace! 

Mind racing

Well blog it's been a while but I think it's time to just call it quits! Peace

Compassionate

com·pas·sion·ate

kəmˈpaSHənət/

adjective

1. 1.

   feeling or showing sympathy and concern for others.

   synonyms:

   sympathetic, empathetic,understanding, caring,solicitous, sensitive, warm,loving;

   Wish my husband had this ugh.