"Don't look up!"

As I'm reading this book of inspiration one story was don't look up at how far you have to go but look back at how far you've come! As most that read this blog can see from my other blog post I've come along way from where I was! And I was always looking up and thinking I'll never make it! Well, I'm not where I really wanna be but looking back I've come so far that I'm very proud of my progress! I still have a journey to continue on and I'll still have more steps to take but with each new waking hour I know I'm one step closer to the goal I've set! Depression can literally kill a person it takes away every little bit of hope, life and joy out of you with out you really knowing it! Really you know even know it until sometimes it's too late! Luckily I had a good support group to help me see that I losing ground and that I needed to seek help! With out being able to go to someone that didn't know one thing about me and telling her all about me has helped me to see that I am someone and I am the person I wanna be! No I'm not saying my depression is gone cause that's a lie! But what I am saying is that the demons that controlled me has lost control and I've taken my life back out of their power! It feels good to stand up to the demons and show that they no I longer control my mind, my body, my thoughts or my actions! When I realized that the very people that brought me into this world was the ones controlling me and that I had every right to stop it and I did stop it made me feel like the queen! As I continue to grow and enjoy the new life I have I'll always look back and say you've come along ways! Sexuality is still a temptation that I have sometimes a hard time controlling but I can say that I've not had sex with a female, kissed a female since like December of 2012 or jan of 2013 can't remember but it's been well over a year and no I didn't get a reward no I don't need a certificate but as a recovering alcoholic would say every day sober is a better day than a day drunk! Every day living on this side of the fence is a better day than living on the other! I'm tempted but when I'm asked or tempted I refuse to give in! I've turned my life back to the Man that died for my sins and the one that bears the sins of us all The Lord and savior Jesus Christ! As I try to grow spiritually I try my best to continue to live for me and grow for myself! I don't miss that life of lies, secrets and regrets because now I have nothing to hide and never will again! Living another life outside my marriage was the hardest part of my life! It put all the gray hairs in my head and it made me feel like a raging bull in a china shop! It's sad that I tortured my husband, my family and even the ones that I was messing with! But with my life going the way it's going now I feel much better about who I am! "Don't look up, but look back!" My new motto! I'll never look up the hill I'm climbing but I'll always look back and say wow you did it! Peace!