Pondering Life

I have been pondering the thought of life every since the 6th day of December. It was a day that i saw someone take his last breath. I just feel like it was god's way of showing me just how precious life really is. I just thought that day that it was a special moment in time, and it happen on a day that is very special to me. My anniversary with my husband of 7 years. Over these past seven years Ive done things to hurt us as a couple and Ive done things to make us a a couple. Life continues on after someone passes we just have to look at it as a new angel is heaven. Life is full of choices, the ones we make will make us stronger or bring us down. Its been a long time since I feel like I made the right choice in some aspects of my life. When, I found a few good friends of mine i knew that it would be a lasting one that wouldn't ever be forgotten. We have friends that come and go, we have family members that come and go. But everyone leaves you something to remember them by. My best friend in high school is now my sister in law, my other best friend in high school has the same birthday as me. Ive made many friends over these 32 yrs of this precious life that Im living. Some have blown in like the wind and out the next day. Some stuck it out with me thru my toughest times. Never once did they ask for anything in return for the job they done. Im a bitch sometimes and im hard headed, not very easy to get along with at times. I admit I am. I'm not gonna hold back my thoughts to long. Im going to tell you how I feel then might regret it later. I might not think before i speak but you know when I open my mouth im usually got something to say about something you did or said. Never has there been a day that i haven't made someone smile. I just love to make people smile, Its my job on this earth. Im sure that people look at me and say hmmm i wonder what shes been up too. I might have shit eaten grin on my face or a frown but i make sure to smile at every one that walks past me. Never in a million years would i ever see my self as a self centered person. Thanks to everyone thats helped me be who i am today.
Now, Ive been called many things in my life from cold hearted bitch to egostical, now yea sometimes I can be cold hearted about things but i don't ever see my self only thinking of myself. I haven't bought myself something in i couldnt tell you when. I don't remember the last thing i actually paid for myself. I look out for everyone else, if i got it i want them to have it. I don't need material things to make me happy. Little things like a smile on a kids face when i pay for him a candy bar that his mother said she couldn't afford. I just can't let someone go with out having something if i have it. I was raised by a single parent and Its a hard life but look where it got me. I have a full time job, a job that i love dearly. I just don't know where id be sometimes with out all the trials and troubles that i went thru as a kid. I want to tell you all something the things that happened in my childhood have shaped me in to the person i am today. Thanks too good family members and good friends im am the woman i think i should be. I love myself, i love others. I love anyone that isn't an asshole to me first. Thanks again for reading.