With the doctor's appointment luming about my knee that isn't doing well at all. I had an MRI done last week and I had this gut feeling that it wasn't gonna be a good thing, so then i decided to just deal with it and let go. So, I went several days without sleep worring about the results because I had the MRI done on friday and had to wait all freaking weekend to get the results. On Monday, they called me and told me that I had a possible torn ligament. I laid in bed all day and cried because the people that I love and trust to pick me up out of the dumps i was in couldn't do it. Corey was at work, when i needed him to be the person that he is he couldn't be because he was at work. Missy, was with her girlfriend and kind of blew me off a little. But you know that hurt because it seems that when they need me to be the most sincere person that i can be, i step up no matter what im doing or where im at if i can stop to help them out of the dumps i do my best to do just that. Ive learned that we can't expect everyone to be like us so we just have to go with the flow and move on. Im not leaving either of them behind, just time for me to get myself out of this dump feeling im feeling. After wednesday when I go to the knee doctor and get a better understand about what is going on maybe ill be out of the dumps. Until then, its time for me to make myself happy and not rely on others to make it better.
Next, sexual frustrations has caused me to resent my husband more than i have in the past. Its been many months since Ive wanted sex and i wanted an orgasm and he couldn't even do that. But, im just a selfish person because i wanted it. Thats what he told me the other night, that i was selfish and one sided. But, its ok for him to get off but im selfish for wanting to get off. So i told him that i was going to find a woman that could help me if he couldn't preform. That didn't make him any mind and i then told him that if he came in and found me in bed with another woman he better not say a word because i for warned him that i was going to cheat on him. He then told me that he was trying to prove a point to me. that when he wants it and i turn him down how he feels. But what i tried to tell him was that i just didn't want sex i wanted to get off and he couldnt do it. It just was very frustrating.
Sometimes, i have to step back and look at my past in order to find the ispiration to keep going. It gives me the strength to get out of bed when i just wanna lay there and die. Yes, sudicially thoughts have flooded my brain, ive even gotten to the point that i was gonna just give up. I love my life but when I'm at my deepest time sudically thoughts just feel my head. I don't feel like id ever kill myself but if things don't look up I might just do that.
I have some amazing friends that have really come out and shined when i needed them most. Alot of times, when life gets hard your find out who your real friends are. I want to take a few mins and thank them for the times they given me and helped me thru so much. First, Missy, no matter how much we have been thru we have managed to pick up the pieces and move passed all that and thank you so much for helping me get thru some of my difficult times. You know me pretty well, and know what makes me tick and what makes me push on and what to say to push me on. thanks for all youve done. I couldn't ask for a better friend in you. Corey, yes i know that you thought i wouldn't say thank you to you because you think i hate you but really in truly i love you with all my heart and thank you for being there for me when i needed and loving me for me despite it all. Your a great person no matter how much i might act like i don't love you. I do love you. Next, Dana, wow where to begin, its been over a year since we first met and my gosh the things that we have done and be thru. Girl, you mean the world to me, you have helped me thru so much, done so much for me that i couldn't begin to tell you how much you mean to me. Your so much fun, thanks for all you have done for me. Your great. Cheryl, well, its been many years since we met and became friends. It wasn't until this past year that we became actually best of friends. thanks for all you have done, listening to me bitch about things and being there for me thru some of my darkest times. Well, I have thanked you all for what you mean to me.
Life is a made of many choices in your life that sometimes those choice we don't get to make on our own and have to take them with the situation. Friends is one choice that we can make and when we make this choice we have to look at certain things in them to see if they are gonna be ligit or fake.
Its time for me to close this blog. So thanks for reading and if you want to comment and leave me feedback then please do. thanks for all my reads..
Peace, Love and Happiness!!!!!!!!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment