Wow!!

Ever have that feeling that something so good could be happening right before your eyes? When I got a simple friends request on Facebook I didn't know the woman, but we had a mutual friend in common and we both was Ole Miss Fans! I stalked her page for a few days trying to figure out who she was like I do anyone that friend request me! I found a woman with 3 kids, a daughter and 2 sons! I sent her a private message and I asked her a couple of questions which I could tell she was a little scared but hell who wouldn't be! As days went on and time passed we finally met and a friendship emerged! A friendship that I cherish every minute of! It's amazing when your at your darkest moment God slips someone in your life and that person needed you too! We have so many things in common from our past hurts to some of the same likes and dislikes! I know that Corey wasn't gonna trust me because we became fast friends but I've not given him reason to distrust me so I think he knows! He said to me that as long as she's not trying to take me away from him then he's ok with it! It's nice to have that person you can talk to and spend a few mins with and they understand you! Thanking God for her! I've seen her blossom to a beautiful flower! I've laughed at her so much that I was hurting the other day!! But a day with laughter is better than a day with tears! Thank you Mary!

So much has gone on since my last blog i don't even know where to begin! I've realized that Suicide isn't an option and that living like on the wild side is fun! I also know that sometimes it takes a lot to be a good person! And I've learned that I'll be the last to know anything from my family! But it's ok I've been black sheep for so long that my black is gray! When I left my mothers home in August of 2001 I left there knowing id never go back only for holidays! I've stayed true to my word, I ain't been back but for holidays! Yes I still long for that love that she gives my brother and sister but i also know that I'll never get it! I still long for that day that she calls me and ask me to go out with her without my sister! I still long for that day that she tells me she loves me and actually means it! I may never see it! I've gotten to the point I've given up trying! I got blessed out from her over a photo that I posted and I told her then that if not call her she had to call me, I'd not drive down to see her she would have to drive to see me, and she even told me she'd never share anything else with me! That's fine because what happens in my life doesn't need to be spoken to anyone that doesn't give two shits about me! I've give her all I can give or all I will give! It hurts to know that the middle child sometimes gets the bad end of the deal! All my life all I wanted was love! All my life all I got was thrown away! So when your thrown away one to many times you finally learn your lesson! As i lay here with tears I my eyes and running down my cheek, I feel the need to just hope and pray that I see her in heaven! I hope that she's asked the Lord to forgive her! I hope that my father has done the same! May they both get the judgement that they deserve and I know I'm not living perfectly and I'm ready for my judgment! Life has its way of making you see the good in others, the bad in others, and the truth in others! But I'm going to bed with a smile because I know that someone loves me out there! Peace