Times are changing

Well brody is gone, didn't change much cause on Sunday we had a big fight! I Was called lazy and a lair! Was told I probably lied to the disability people and paid my doctor to take me off work! Yelp all by The man that wants to work on things! I just saw he's been telling his family what I told him the counselor told me! Which was to go to behavioral health! Well blog im dragging my feet a little I guess cause I don't wanna admit im ready to admit I got a problem! But I know I do just gotta go! Ugh! I need meds or something to help me! Im not sure what! But him telling me that I don't know what love is and I don't know how to be loved that hurts! Cause I didn't have a father and my Mother didn't give a shit either! But she blamed my father for me being the way I am and blamed me for him molesting me! Said that I probably made him do it! Hell I didn't know what the hell he was doing! Shit I was young! But I guess my childhood has fucked me up good! But im gonna call behavioral health on Thursday! I gotta get help! Im having more and more episodes of suicide! If it wasn't for my stepmother and some really great friends I wouldn't be here today! I'd already killed myself! Its crossed my mind a few times last couple of days! But I guess ill just keep hitting brick walls until I break my hand! I guess anger is my biggest problem! I don't know how to control it! But blog im gonna get help! On to next subject!
My feelings where so hurt that I literally wanted to cry the other day! A person that I've known for almost 9 yrs and I Thought was a great friend walked right passed me and never spoke! I've been her shoulder many times and I've listened to her many times! For her to do that just really broke my heart! I guess its part of his master plan to show me the ones that are faking and the ones that are true! I guess I truly need to move on and if my marriage ends there's Gonna be a lot of ppl that ill be deleting out of my life! But blog I need to end this now I gotta hair appt in am! Good night world!