Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Where it all makes sense!

I used to use this blog to vent and still do sometimes! This blog post isn't about anyone or anything just some random thoughts and things I have rolling around in my head! So who ever reads it I'm sorry if it pisses you off! Not my intention!!
Where it all makes sense is where it doesn't matter how I look or how I feel! At times I don't feel like doing nothing but being a lazy person! Sometimes things just don't ever seem good enough for the people in my life! Just sometimes it's like people expect much more out of me than I get out of them! Naw it's not that I expect them to be there every second of every day but sometimes just being there is all I need! 
Since having all these things wrong with me last couple of days I've seen a side of things that really don't like! But it's just me I can't change the world but one voice can change someone's mind!
Writing sometimes frees my mind enough to get a good nights sleep! I've been thinking of the next blog post but I can't seem to get it all together! But as you can see from previous ones its along the lines of medical things and things that's wrong with me medically! A time comes that we must all say to hell with it and hope for the best! In less than 15 days ill be Florida bound with the two people that I said I'd never go another damn place with but I love them and hope they know this time I mean business and they best be on best damn behavior or ill leave there ass! No if ands or buts about it! I'm hoping for a good trip one that we can make memories and lasting ones at that! Not sure how long my mom will be here so it's best to get it all done now before I lose her! 
Living in the pain I live in daily is sometimes unbearable! But you know life isn't perfect! I try not to allow the pain to hurt me but it does keep me down! Anyways that's all tonight I know it's short and well stupid to say the least! Peace

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Major Depression

What Is Major or Clinical Depression?

Most people feel sad or low at some point in their lives. But clinical depression is marked by a depressed mood most of the day, particularly in the morning, and a loss of interest in normal activities and relationships -- symptoms that are present every day for at least 2 weeks. In addition, according to the DSM-IV -- a manual used to diagnose mental health conditions -- you may have other symptoms with major depression. Those symptoms might include:

  • Fatigue or loss of energy almost every day.
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt almost every day.
  • Impaired concentration, indecisiveness.
  • Insomnia or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) almost every day.
  • Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities nearly every day (called anhedonia, this symptom can be indicated by reports from significant others).
  • Restlessness or feeling slowed down.
  • Recurring thoughts of death or suicide.
  • Significant weight loss or gain (a change of more than 5% of body weightin a month).

Back 2 yrs ago I got diagnosed with major depression! It's something I've always thought I've had but it took me finally trying to kill myself to reach out for help! Since then I've been on two different strengths of meds and I've done ok! Last month or so I'm slowly slipping back into that state again! Slowly but surely spiraling out of control! With each new day brings about new challenges for me, new ways for me to fake that I'm ok when I'm dying inside! Days for me to put on a good front cause I don't wanna cause a fight, days for me to be the same old person I've always been! Corey doesn't care nor does he understand! Yea he puts on a good show that he cares but really down deep inside I can't see that he gives a flying damn about what I go thru daily to try to be normal! He's never once said what can I do to help never once said I don't understand why you feel like this! The past couple of days I've been in so much pain that I've had sucidual thoughts! I've wanted to end it all! Yea the first night he was compassionate and stood there while I cried then came Saturday and I guess he thought life was just a dream Friday when I was dying in pain! He kept saying I gotta get out of this house and I think ill go over to my moms! Never once saying do you feel up to going with me? Even though I might of felt to bad to go I'd like to of got out of house too! Then came today, I'm still in some serious pain! He gets up and leaves for church in his truck that he's said a 1000 times I'm not driving too much cause its gonna break down on me! I start to worry when I realize his phone is here at home! Cause I don't know if he made it or not, I don't know if he made it to his moms after church if he made it to church! Then I have no way of calling cause I don't want his mother to think I'm being a little jealous person by calling and checking on him! But he waits until 3pm to call and say I'm on my way home from his mothers phone! Then comes home like nothing's happened and we've had this discussion before that I'd like for him to check in just cause I do love him and I do worry! But when he gets home I ask him what would he done if I'd not answered phone! He said I'd figured you was asleep and I'd went on about my business until I got home! I said so you wouldn't come on home and he said why should I drop what I'm doing to run home if your sleeping! Never does it cross his mind hey she's had trouble walking the past two days she said her knee gave way the other day! So hmm I hope she's not fallen in floor and can't get to phone! No he just goes on about his business like I'm a pile of dog shit that he's gonna have to clean up! So I asked him what would it take for him to realize that this disease I have is serious? He just looked at me and said I don't know! He don't know cause he's got it in his head that all this is put on and I'm faking it all! Yes he's told me that several times! Including today when I said you think I'm faking don't you and he said yes I do think your putting on more than you really are hurting! How does that make a person that's wanting to end it all cause the pain is so bad! How would you feel? So here I lay in bed plotting a way to end it! 

Peace 

 

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Bucket List

10. See every MLB baseball team in their home stadium (been to Atlanta)
9. See every NFL football team in their home stadium 
8. Visit Australia
7. Visit any foreign country 
6. Visit Vietnam Wall with my father
5. Travel to all 50 states via car, boat or train
4. Visit Canada
3. Take a cruise
2. Take a trip with a friend anywhere that friend wants to go
1. Ill tell you when the other ten are accomplished! 

If I ever get any of these things done ill be the happiest person in the world! I may never get to check one thing off before my time but its nice to dream! Maybe one day ill be able to do what I want and finish my bucket list! All the things listed here are attainable but not sure if ill be able to do any of them! Dreams may never come true! But ill enjoy dreaming them!   

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Fatty Liver Disease

WHAT IS NAFLD?

Non-alcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD) is the build up of extra fat in liver cells that is not caused by alcohol. It is normal for the liver to contain some fat. However, if more than 5% - 10% percent of the liver's weight is fat, then it is called a fatty liver (steatosis).


WHO IS LIKELY TO HAVE NAFLD?

NAFLD tends to develop in people who are overweight or obese or have diabetes, high cholesterol or high triglycerides. Rapid weight loss and poor eating habits also may lead to NAFLD.

Causes: 

A wide range of diseases and conditions can increase your risk of nonalcoholic fatty liver disease, including:

  • Certain medications
  • Gastric bypass surgery
  • High cholesterol
  • High levels of triglycerides in the blood
  • Malnutrition
  • Metabolic syndrome
  • Obesity
  • Rapid weight loss
  • Toxins and chemicals, such as pesticides
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Wilson's disease

Treatments and drugs

By Mayo Clinic staff

No standard treatment for nonalcoholic fatty liver disease exists. Instead, doctors typically work to treat the risk factors that contribute to your liver disease. For instance, if you're obese, your doctor can help you to lose weigh through diet, exercise and, in some cases, medications and surgery. If a drug is causing your fatty liver disease, your doctor may try to switch you to a different medication.

This is what I've been told about this disease although mine isn't so serious yet but mine has been brought on by all the intensive drugs I've had to take to put my RA in remission! In the previous blog you saw what my drugs does to my body! So this disease is just another in the long list of things I have wrong with me internally! 

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Rheumatoid Arthritis part 2

So you got the version they want you to know about via the Internet! Here's my version! The above photo is what I'm going thru at this moment! No you don't know just how bad it hurts until you live thru it! Second time I've ever felt like my body wasn't reacting to the meds properly! The first time was June 16, 2010 when I walked out of my job that I loved and hated! That day I couldn't get myself dressed, I couldn't take a bath on my own! Corey got me dressed, bathed me and I went to work! Hands where drawled up and I was barely walking! Went to the doctor with Corey pushing me in a wheel chair and my dr looked at me and said we are starting a new drug today one that's only been out for 6 months! So I started that new drug over 3 years ago! Today I feel like its not working anymore! I feel like my body is rejecting it and that my body doesn't like me! All the things I posted in part one I'm going thru slowly but surely! Fatty Liver is the diagnose I got today! I knew that already! But I guess I was hoping it would get better! I'm tired of living out of a medicine bottle and that's all I am anymore! But this illness doesn't define me it doesn't make me a bad person it only makes me a crippled person! But hopefully I'm not gonna be wheelchair bound anytime soon but never can tell! Anyways, that's all for now! Next blog will be fatty liver  

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Rheumatoid Arthritis

What is RA?

Rheumatoid arthritis is an autoimmune disorder, meaning that it develops when a person's immune system attacks itself, sending white blood cells to healthy tissues -- particularly, in RA, in the lining of the joints.  This process leads to inflammation.


What it effects: 

Joints

What happens: Rheumatoid arthritis often starts in the small joints of the hands and feet but can progress to other parts of the body. Pain is often worse in the morning and is sometimes symmetrical (you have it in both hands, for example). 

Heart

What happens: People with RA have twice the risk of having a heart problem as those without it, according to Dr. Matteson. 

The condition creates a chronic, low-grade inflammation that damages blood vessels and increases the risk of heart attack, stroke, heart disease, and heart failure, he says.

RA can also cause the pericardium, the sac-like structure around the heart, to become inflamed. This complication can produce sharp chest pain and fever, and if left untreated, can lead to thickening and scarring of the pericardium. 

Lungs

What happens: Up to 10% of RA patients develop serious lung problems. The most common conditions are inflammation in the lungs' lining (pleurisy), which causes pain when breathing; scarring of the tissue in the lungs (pulmonary fibrosis); and an increased chance of emphysema, even in nonsmokers. 

Mood

What happens: People with chronic diseases, including RA, are more likely to experience depression or other mood disorders—it's a common and understandable occurrence, Dr. Matteson says. 

Chronic inflammation is also associated with abnormalities of neurotransmitters and hormones that can affect how a person feels, he adds.

Blood vessels

What happens: Vasculitis occurs when blood vessels become inflamed, narrowed and blood flow is reduced. Dr. Matteson says this can block blood flow in areas like the arms, legs, and nerves. Vasculitis can sometimes lead to coronary artery disease, he adds. 

Nerves

What happens: Some RA patients get peripheral neuropathy, or nerve damage, that causes a burning and numbness in the feet and hands. Also, when blood vessels become inflamed, the nerves don't have an adequate blood supply, which can result in further nerve damage. 

Eyes

What happens: Inflammation can also occur in various parts of the eye—a "devastating complication that can cause blindness," Dr. Matteson says. Problems occur in the eye's iris (uveitis), the white of the eye (scleritis), and the membrane covering the white part (episcleritis). Symptoms include blurred vision, pain, redness, and light sensitivity. Inflammation can also increase the risk of glaucoma and cataracts. 

Skin

What happens: If there is inflammation in the blood vessels going to the skin, it can create rashes, skin ulcers, and nodules or skin bumps, especially on the hands, feet, and elbows. Matteson says the bumps may come and go, and physicians don't know what causes them. 

Wrists

What happens: Inflammation in the joints pushes on the nerve that runs from the forearm to the wrist and causes carpal tunnel syndrome. People with carpal tunnel usually feel numbness, tingling, weakness, and eventually sharp pain in the arm. 

Spleen

What happens: Some people with RA get Felty's syndrome, a condition in which the spleen becomes enlarged and the white blood cell count drops, making them more susceptible to infections. But because RA can be controlled relatively well, Dr. Matteson says this complication is unusual, affecting less than 1% of RA patients. 

Most people with active RA experience a reduction in red blood cells called anemia. Anemia may cause symptoms such as fatigue, rapid heart beat, shortness of breath, dizziness, leg cramps, and insomnia. Active inflammation may also lead to high levels of blood platelets, while treatment to suppress the immune system may lead to low levels of blood platelets, a condition called thrombocytopenia.

Kidneys

Renal amyloidosis can occur as a consequence of chronic inflammation.[11] RA may affect the kidney glomerulus directly through a vasculopathy or a mesangial infiltrate but this is less well documented (though this is not surprising, considering immune complex-mediated hypersensitivities are known for pathogenic deposition of immune complexes in organs where blood is filtered at high pressure to form other fluids, such as urine and synovial fluid[12]).


RA affects people differently. Symptoms may wax and wane, but it is a chronic condition.  Most RA patients experience periods of intense disease ("flares") interspersed with periods during which the disease subsides ("remissions").  This combination of flares and remissions is highly variable from person to person: Some people have mild, short flares followed by a long remission; others may have more severe or longer flares that never go away.  Early diagnosis and treatment before destructive joint damage develops  may help put the disease into remission.

Medicine used to treat: 

My meds are as follows:  Actemra 

Tocilizumab[1] (INN, or atlizumab, developed by Hoffmann–La Roche and Chugai and sold under the trade names Actemra andRoActemra) is an immunosuppressive drug, mainly for the treatment of rheumatoid arthritis (RA) and systemic juvenile idiopathic arthritis, a severe form of RA in children. It is a humanized monoclonal antibody against theinterleukin-6 receptor (IL-6R). Interleukin 6 (IL-6) is a cytokine that plays an important role in immune response and is implicated in the pathogenesis of many diseases, such asautoimmune diseases, multiple myeloma andprostate cancer. 

Methotrexate (rINN) /mɛθɵˈtrɛkseɪt/, abbreviated MTX and formerly known asamethopterin, is an antimetabolite andantifolate drug. It is used in treatment ofcancer, autoimmune diseases, ectopic pregnancy, and for the induction of medicalabortions.[1] It acts by inhibiting the metabolism of folic acid. Methotrexate began to replace the more toxic antifolateaminopterin starting in the 1950s. 

Folic  acid (also known as folate, vitamin M,vitamin B9,[3]vitamin Bc[4] (or folacin),pteroyl-L-glutamic acid, and pteroyl-L-glutamate[5]) are forms of the water-solublevitamin B9. Folate is composed of the aromatic pteridine ring linked to para-aminobenzoic acid and one or more glutamate residues. Folic acid is itself not biologically active, but its biological importance is due to tetrahydrofolate and other derivatives after its conversion todihydrofolic acid in the liver.[6]

Vitamin B9 (folic acid and folate) is essentialfor numerous bodily functions. Humans cannot synthesize folate de novo; therefore, folate has to be supplied through the diet to meet their daily requirements. The human body needs folate to synthesize DNA, repair DNA, and methylate DNA as well as to act as a cofactor in certain biological reactions.[7] It is especially important in aiding rapid cell division and growth, such as in infancy and pregnancy. Children and adults both require folic acid to produce healthy red blood cellsand prevent anemia.[8]

Folate and folic acid derive their names from the Latin word folium (which means "leaf"). Leafy vegetables are principal sources of folic acid, although in Western diets fortified cereals and bread may be a larger dietary source.[citation needed]

A lack of dietary folates leads to folate deficiency, which is uncommon in normal Western diets.[citation needed] A complete lack of dietary folate takes months before deficiency develops as normal individuals have about 500–20,000 µg[9] of folate in body stores.[10] This deficiency can result in many health problems, the most notable one beingneural tube defects in developing embryos. Common symptoms of folate deficiency include diarrhea, macrocytic anemia with weakness or shortness of breath, nerve damage with weakness and limb numbness (peripheral neuropathy),[11] pregnancy complications, mental confusion, forgetfulness or other cognitive declines, mental depression, sore or swollen tongue, peptic or mouth ulcers, headaches, heart palpitations, irritability, and behavioral disorders. Low levels of folate can also lead to homocysteine accumulation.[7] DNA synthesis and repair are impaired and this could lead to cancer development. 

Prednisone is a synthetic corticosteroid drug that is particularly effective as animmunosuppressant drug. It is used to treat certain inflammatory diseases (such as moderate allergic reactions) and (at higher doses) some types of cancer, but has significant adverse effects. Because it suppresses the immune system, it leaves patients more susceptible to infections.

Now all those things are straight from the Internet!