Coping!

Upon reading the book that my counselor asked me to read called The Courage To Heal: A guide for women survivors of child sexual abuse! It's got a writing section after each chapter and the first one was effects and this one is coping! I've used alcohol to cope, I've ran from my problems, I've even isolated myself from others as a way to cope with the abuse and pain I've been thru! This blog has seen first hand how I've raged out of control cause of this abuse! Alcohol eased the pain for a bit, then when it quit working I got back into collecting baseball cards and I blew $$$ on them then I tried gambling and that eased the pain! Then I'd drink more and more and then I'd consume myself with my job I was all about the job I wanted to know more do more and best I could be! The other way I coped was cheating on my husband with other women! While I was women I was in control of my life! I controlled them I controlled everything! Then when I finally realized only one your hurting is your husband and that your running from the problem! At times just haven't read but 2 chapters and the more I read the more I see myself in every bit of it! It's almost unbelievable how much I see myself! There are something's that sound just like me just like the person that's done all that!! The only thing I haven't done is drugs! I was addicted to energy drinks, and collecting baseball cards! I've since left the drinks alone and I still collect just not like I was! I don't waste my last dollar on baseball cards like I was! As the book goes on I feel the anger and rage building in me! And it talks about that if you don't feel that then your not ready to heal! I'm more than ready!