If only....

Tonight this blog comes after a very hard few days! Days that I look back upon and think wow I made it thru the valley of death by the skin of my teeth! A few days ago I started planning my end! I wrote a note to my mom, sister, brother, sister in law, dad, stepmom and lastly Corey! It was my final good bye and I was telling them that I loved them and that I was sorry but I just couldn't take this anymore! I planned out what I was gonna do and how I would do it! Just like I did before! But before I cried for help and this time I wasn't gonna say nothing! I didn't won't to shoot myself cause I didn't won't Corey coming home and finding me like that! But all that matters was that I really thought about it and turned against it! I've got new meds now and i hope that it helps! Life is just so hard at times that the thoughts are a constant battle! But I'm still here to tell my story and hopes that it will encourage someone else not to do that! Life isn't worth killing yourself over I've figured that out! So please get help!