The Effects

The abuse I endured is still felt daily because I hate myself, I hate my life! I feel like that I'm good for nothing but sex that's all that it seems anyone wonts from me! It's caused me to run from the only person that's loved me my husband it's also caused me to think of others when we have sex and I have lots of flashbacks when we have sex! Sadly it hurts deep inside to have sex! I feel limited in my life cause I can't seem to get passed the pain and how he still denies it and said that I was lying and how my mom never believes me or done anything about it and I think it caused me not to be able to go farther in college cause I was always told I wouldn't ever be successful and I was stupid! I still blame myself for it and I will always! Over time I've tried to be strong and develop strengths in knowing that one day he will get his judgment and so will my mom and brother as well! Ive tried to live in the lonely world hidden from all and left to deal with things! I seem to use the best coping skills I can but at times I don't feel like I really know how to cope! My strengths are being able to live and not kill myself! I've tried but luckily I didn't succeed! I've asked to be taken away and never to live another day but I'm still here! One day I'll be whole and one day I'll be the woman I was suppose to be! And I won't let this abuse cause me anymore pain!