New outlook

I've started new meds, and sleeping better than I have in months and I'm on a stronger dose of my cymbalta and it seems to be helping with my depression! But today I got some good news I've lost 39lbs since jan and I feel good I hope I can keep it up and keep it coming off! I go Wednesday to my first counseling appt and I'm a little nervous about it! Never been in a counseling session for the things that happened to me as a child! Sadly the things that happen have caused some sad times in my life and some hard times and more or less caused a few broken friendships! And I regret a few friends that I lost but some just wasn't meant to be! I guess one thing that I miss in some of the friends that I've lost is when ever I needed that pick me up they was always there! I guess at times I just turn inward and so many don't know how to handle it! The feeling that you get when life has thrown you many curve balls and your trying your best to control them all it gets hard and I withdraw from everyone! And I guess I shouldn't but I feel like if I withdraw I can deal with things and then come out of it!! Right now it's been the hardest time pulling out of it! And I might if lost some more friends in the process! But if I have then if you can't handle me at my worse then you might not can handle me at my best! Many more times I might withdraw and many more times I might be at my best! But the whole purpose of this blog is that I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone or have caused anyone pain! Right now I'm in a dark place a deep dark place but I'm slowly climbing out! Although this hole is deep I'm trying my best to pull myself up! And it's an up hill battle! And the hill is steep! 

Another note: sometimes I just need that one thing or person to make me smile! Today I was so excited about my weight loss and I texted or called everyone and everyone was proud and at one time I had 4 or 5 conversations going on and I kept up with them all! Then all of a sudden everyone quit texting! It makes me feel like that everyone got bored with me! I guess my excitement didn't mean much to anyone that was texting me! But it's all good I've gotten so used to it by so many ppl that it's really not a big deal and I don't know why it bothers me cause all of them have a life! One of them seems to only text me when she's in need! Or when she wants to complain about someone but when I needed her she texted then fell off the face of the earth! That hurts cause 99% of the time I try to text ppl right back!! Unless I'm away from my phone as in its charging or I've gone to bathroom and then got busy doing other things!! But it's all good! Peace!