Reflections of 2009

As the year is about to come to a close a new year is about to open! I call it a new chapter in my book of life! Where do I begin, jan09 it was pretty uneventful month because I don't remember much about it! Feb09 was a hard month for me, I lost someone dear and true to my heart may you rest in peace memaw! Memaw accepted me in her family as her on, she didn't know me from adam but took me in as one of her very own grandkids and loved me unconditionally. Thanks for the memories. March09 must of been uneventful too because i don't remember much that went on that month either! One thing i remember doing in march was going to sardis lake and my mom having to have gallbladder surgery. Apr09 started my vacation season! May09 took a vacation and went no where lol! June09 I had a time where I decided it was time to cut my hair so I got it cut! July09 another uneventful month I guess! Aug09 where my life got a little rocky, I did begin to plan a vacation to gulf shores! Sept09 oh the glory days, I took last trip with my best friend ever! Got back home and lost her to lies that pushed me away! Lost a piece of my heart! Slowly picking up the pieces day by day. Its a matter of time before the heart is whole again. It might take years but, it will be whole one more time. I almost met a very good friend of mine this month. We are still great friends just have our ups and downs a friends too. where we spend a lot of time apart hardly even talking but that only makes us stronger. Oct09 when I lost someone else that's true and dear to my heart may you rest in peace aunt jeanette! Also, went to chicago for the first time in my life! Nov09 it started out ok but then slowly went down hill getting prepared for another loss! Dec09 on the 6th day I lost another person true and dear to me may u rest in peace papaw, he who also accepted me in to his family as his step granddaughter with out even saying one word. The only closest thing to a grandfather i ever knew because mine died before i was even thought of! Someone forgot we was married on that very day, someone forgot my birthday, someone didn't tell me he had me a christmas present! So I thought he forgot again! I also just about lost my new best friend to stupid shit! Its been one hell of a year! So as I reflected its time for a new year, a new me and a bright future! I can't wait! I'm ready are u? Its that time we start thinking about where we are gonna be and what we are gonna do. So im going to take this time to make this journey into the new year a bold one. Im going to put everything from years past in the past and leave them there. Thanks to everyone that has put a memorie in my mind you are now a piece of my history. If i begin today to write a book of my life so far you would be amazed at the life i started out as and the life I have at this very moment. Ive come a long ways and made it thru this life the hard way, no one knows my life unless i told you and i don't tell parts of my life to very many people. So as this year closes thanks to all my friends that stood by me and pushed me along. Heres to a new christy and a new year. If your up for the challenge in which my life holds all the time then come on and join me for the long hard ride that im about to take. Its a fast moving world out there and im ready to face it head on and not look back. thanks to everyone for taking the time to read this.. If you dont' like what i have to say then you know what i say about that. get the hell off my page and never come back. thank you.

Pondering Life

I have been pondering the thought of life every since the 6th day of December. It was a day that i saw someone take his last breath. I just feel like it was god's way of showing me just how precious life really is. I just thought that day that it was a special moment in time, and it happen on a day that is very special to me. My anniversary with my husband of 7 years. Over these past seven years Ive done things to hurt us as a couple and Ive done things to make us a a couple. Life continues on after someone passes we just have to look at it as a new angel is heaven. Life is full of choices, the ones we make will make us stronger or bring us down. Its been a long time since I feel like I made the right choice in some aspects of my life. When, I found a few good friends of mine i knew that it would be a lasting one that wouldn't ever be forgotten. We have friends that come and go, we have family members that come and go. But everyone leaves you something to remember them by. My best friend in high school is now my sister in law, my other best friend in high school has the same birthday as me. Ive made many friends over these 32 yrs of this precious life that Im living. Some have blown in like the wind and out the next day. Some stuck it out with me thru my toughest times. Never once did they ask for anything in return for the job they done. Im a bitch sometimes and im hard headed, not very easy to get along with at times. I admit I am. I'm not gonna hold back my thoughts to long. Im going to tell you how I feel then might regret it later. I might not think before i speak but you know when I open my mouth im usually got something to say about something you did or said. Never has there been a day that i haven't made someone smile. I just love to make people smile, Its my job on this earth. Im sure that people look at me and say hmmm i wonder what shes been up too. I might have shit eaten grin on my face or a frown but i make sure to smile at every one that walks past me. Never in a million years would i ever see my self as a self centered person. Thanks to everyone thats helped me be who i am today.
Now, Ive been called many things in my life from cold hearted bitch to egostical, now yea sometimes I can be cold hearted about things but i don't ever see my self only thinking of myself. I haven't bought myself something in i couldnt tell you when. I don't remember the last thing i actually paid for myself. I look out for everyone else, if i got it i want them to have it. I don't need material things to make me happy. Little things like a smile on a kids face when i pay for him a candy bar that his mother said she couldn't afford. I just can't let someone go with out having something if i have it. I was raised by a single parent and Its a hard life but look where it got me. I have a full time job, a job that i love dearly. I just don't know where id be sometimes with out all the trials and troubles that i went thru as a kid. I want to tell you all something the things that happened in my childhood have shaped me in to the person i am today. Thanks too good family members and good friends im am the woman i think i should be. I love myself, i love others. I love anyone that isn't an asshole to me first. Thanks again for reading.

he's gone

As I got the call this morning that they were calling all family in! I got there and I had already been crying! I knew before this day that he would be gone! I came back home and got corey we stopped got food and went out there! It wasn't gonna be much longer! Everyone walked in about 1220 or so then at 1228 the nurse said he was gone! We all knew that he had taken his last breath! He looked up at everyone and with out a dry eye in the room! No one could even look at him without crying! He never once complained about being in pain! Its been a day that I I don't think ill ever forget! He went home on my anniversary! I never thought that it would of been 2day but it did! I spent it with many tears and lots of good family! With out them I don't know how I'd made it thru it! Thanks for all the support! He's with memaw now! They are walking hand and hand! Thanks papaw for the memories!

never give up

That's a phase that I hold close to my heart! I was told alone time ago that I should never give up! Now I've been blessed over the years with people that have helped me to not ever give up! There's been many times in my life that I wanted to give up but never did! When you feel down the first thing you want to do is give up or give in! We all do it! Its human nature! I've come to the conclusion that life is too short to hang around waiting on a miracle! Althought I know they happen everyday! I learned the hard way that friends come and go quickly! But, when the friend that came and went sent me an email telling me shed had a stroke! I felt a little guilty cause I could of caused it! But over time shell get better I just told her in the email reply to never give up hope! Cling on to it forever! An old friend of mine one time told me to pick up my feet cause tomorrow was a new day and I'd need them shoes to do a lot of walking! Little did I know that tomorrow has really come true! I do a lot of walk all the time! I miss my old friends! Some come and gone but none are ever forgotten! I've made many friends, people I call friends and true friends but some come in like the wind and they gone again! True friends stay for the long haul thru your tough times, sad times and most importantlt thru you angry times! Just a friend is someone I call that comes in for about a month or so and is gone again! Everyone that I've ever called a friend has made some kind of impression on my life! It might of been something they said or did! Mostly people do things that I remember the most! Its been a long time since I've had a true friend that I could trust with my life and they wouldn't do anything with my life! The only one that could is gone! But, life is precious its time for me to quit thinking about the future and living for the present! Past is history, present is now and future may never come! But never give up hope that oneday the future might be here! So with that said never give up on anything in your life! Never give in to pain, or suffering! So take this blog and do with what you want! I'm sure you might rethink somethings! Just never give up hope! Its never to late until its gone! Good nite! I'm food deprived and sleepy!

wow!!

You know sometimes in life we just never know who we are gonna meet! Who might need our smiling face to cling on for one more day! I feel like sometimes I need every waken moment with my friends that I have! We never know when it might be there time to go so cling on as long as you can! Life is a precious gift and I cherish every moment with them! Thanks kiersten for standing by me for all you've done! Its been a true blessing for you to come in my life! Thanks to my family for truly standing by me for ever! You've been a great tree to lean on! Thanks! I love you all! With out friends even the ones that are gone we still have to thank them to for showing us something! It just wasn't meant to be that your not in my life anymore! Just like the sun, friends come and go to fill a purpose! Thanks to everyone! Good nite blog! Its been a wonderful day! Wow!!!

where do i begin

There's things in my life that I've kept from many people! How do u tell someone the things that happened in ur life that they have no idea about! But, right now I'm at a time in my life that I have to think about somethings! Its just gonna take the time for my body to come to terms with my thoughts! When my body says its ready then ill be ready! Ill find out a lot over these next few hours, days or months who really cares about me and who's my true friends are! We don't know until something happens and you find out! I hope and pray that love will keep my head a float! Thanks to the true friends that are willing to stand by me! I love u all! Thanks!

y am i still living?

Sometimes, I ponder that very question! Right now I don't know how I feel! I'm hurt, upset and loved! Being called stupid by someone that once said the loved me hurts, being called it by the person that's stood by me thru a lot hurts worse! I've be called stupid all my life by someone or somebody! Once you hear it enough you begin to believe it! Maybe that's y it hurts so much! I just don't understand how anyone can call anyone stupid! I might not be the smartest person in the world but I'm not stupid either! The thoughts of suicide have flooded my head and then I just think you know that's really stupid of u to do that! She I am stupid! Life is hard when u lose friends, family and even lovers! But, I learned the hard way you must pick up the pieces slowly or else its gonna cause more trouble! Just how I feel at this moment! Thanks for listening!