Healing

I believe I've come along way in my healing process I've learned to let go a little and tell my story in hopes others will see they are not alone! I think mine and Corey's marriage is better than it's been in a few years! I've learned that all the hurt that I've raged about wasn't his fault at all it was my fault! I was angry at my past and took it out on him! No not all the things was my fault but most was! I've over reacted to things in my past that caused me to over react to him! I'm not completely healed but I'm on the way! I now have several goals I'd like to accomplish! 

1. Find the real me, the one that's been trapped for so long that's longing to get out! Wether it be a lesbian or a bi sexual! I gotta find me and accept me for who I am!

2. Loss more weight, no I don't want to lose it for sake of being accepted but I want to lose it for me! 

3. Do more things that I missed out on as a kid, like going to a kid movie, going to eat at kid like places, being a kid, going to park and swinging, finding a slide big enough for me! 

4. Would really like to help others heal! 

5. I dream of opening a non profit women survivors home, for women to come and share their experience with others like them! Also would like to talk to younger kids about the things that parents might not wanna talk about because they don't think it will happen to their kids!

6. I want to be free of the power that my dad, mom and others have over me! They hold me back from being me! 

7. Lastly but not least I want to write my story in a book for others to see that not everyone turns to suicide and that they too can be a survivor.

What I've accomplished so far is that I realized all the things I've down for my father and mother was out of trying to feel accepted and trying to gain their love and show that I'm worthy of it! Also I've realized that not everyone will ever apologize for the wrong they did and as they live in denial I can't change their minds and I gotta work on fixing me and not them! Denial has been my biggest accomplishment cause I was in denial for a lot of years that maybe it didn't happen and beginning this journey I've realized that yes it did and I still have vivid memories of it all! It's hard long road but I've walked this far I'm not turning around! No need to live in fear anymore and time to tell the world just how hard life can really be! I might lose family and friends but you know I'll be a peace and they will have to either accept it or deny it and either way The Lord knows the truth and knows I'm not lying! He will be the final judgment not me! Thank you to all the ones that have stuck with me! Thank you!